Ok I have a great Boyfriend & a Son. My boyfriend hates that I talk to my sons Dad. Even if I need diapers or clothes my bofriend says he will buy it for him. Should I avoid problems and leave my sons Dad out or should I argue it. Now it's to the point if I talk to my sons dad and ask him for anything I dont even tell my boyfriend who will soon be my Husband. My sons Dad loves his son & will do anything for him. What ever my son needs his dad makes sure he has it. What should I do? My boyfriend hates my sons Dad. He really doesnt have a reason too my sons dad is a responsable parent.
2006-06-23 07:33:55 · 32 answers · asked by mexchick316 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Okay, this is a serious red flag so please pay close attention.
Your boyfriend is displaying major control issues. He feels as though any connection to your ex is a threat to him. The reality is that there will always be a connection so your boyfriend HAS GOT to learn to deal with it. You are most likely not equipped to help him do this/a therapist is BUT he's probably not going to go. SO, here is the conversation that needs to take place- and you need to do it soon and you need to be very calm, clear and specific when you say it.
"Honey, you know how much I love you and how much i love having you in our lives. I feel as though you have issues with my sons father and it isn't anything that I can change. I've started to feel like i need to avoid telling you when i talk to him or whatever and i don't want to feel like that. His father has a responsibility to his son and I am going to make sure for my son's sake that those responsibilites are lived out. it's what's best for "name of son". So I would really appreciate if you could help me with that by just accepting that situation and letting it be what it is. You have nothing to be worried or concerned about and if you have any concerns, please talk to me about it, I am here for you". If he talks "LISTEN. LISTEN LISTEN!!! Don't talk, just listen. THen say, "I understand how you feel". You don't have to agree, you just have to understand.
Do this soon or it will turn it to a bigger issue very quickly, trust me.
2006-06-23 07:43:09 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. Phil-lys 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
you should try to talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. you are one of the lucky ones. no matter what don't leave you son's dad out of the picture. if your boyfriend can not handle the fact that you babys daddy is in the picture then it might be time to set some ground rules and let him know that you are with him and only him and ask how would he feel if he had a son and his ex new man did not want him around because you sons dad is going to be around forever at 18 does not mean you stop being a parent. may be all three of you guys should sit down together and try to resolve this issue good luck and God Bless
2006-06-23 07:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by shyone_91786 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a territorial problem, there are two important men in your life, and I´m sure your boyfriend would rather there were only one.
You should sit and discuss this subject with him all the way true, if your baby´s father really care for the little one he won´t just dissapear because you got married to another guy. And worst if he sees you try to take his baby away form him he could go legal on this. And this kind of trouble should be avoided if possible.
Remember to your boyfriend that ny relationship depends on trust so he has to trust and be supportive to the needs you have and more important the needs of your baby cause he depends on his mother. But also make sure you and the father of your baby don´t have any feelings for each other so you can speak to your boyfriend truly and clearly.
Wish good luck lady
2006-06-23 08:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by michael_gdl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is to let your sons father take care of his son. Dont take that away from him. there are some fathers who you have to beg to do for their own so you are very privileged to have a good Baby's father. And as for your future husband you need to sit down with him and let him know that for the rest of the child's life the father will be there! and that's that, not questions and or butts.Now here is where you draw the line you should not ask the child's father for anything, you should set up a payment plan where he can give you a set amount for the care of your child and also set visitation dates and keep your personal relationship to just being parents to a child. with this plan your boyfriend should feel a little more comfortable that you are not asking for anything from the other man... this sometimes causes guys to feel inferior.
2006-06-23 07:44:43 · answer #4 · answered by ButterfliKissus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend should grow up. It's not his son and he will never take the place of the baby's father who is obligated ethically and legally to care for his child. Tell your boyfriend to get over his insecurity or give him the boot....avoiding your son's dad will only hurt your son in the long run. Your boyfrined doesn't hate your son's father because of your son he hates him because he's worried he may be able to take you away from him.....he sounds like a real puss.
2006-06-23 07:42:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your boyfriend is being really unreasonable. Its your son's right to have a relation with his father and same way your ex. has a right to do stuff for his son. Don't f**king make your son's life miserable. Even though your boyfriend can and will do everything for your son I think your son needs to know how much his dad cares for him. Otherwise your son is gonna hates his dad. You should make your boyfriend understand. If he is a Nice and thoughtful person he would understand.
2006-06-23 07:41:48 · answer #6 · answered by 360 degree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your boyfriend that it is your sons dad`s responibility to provied for him. Also do not at all means make him feel bad for wanting to help you out. I have an 2 year old and her father left a long time ago and is now going to be in prison for 3 years and they will never have an good realtionship but i too have an boyfriend soon to be husban that just decided to take me and her in and make us his resposibility. Your baby daddy needs to be calling you to see what his son needs and not you if he does`nt call don`t ask. Let your boyfriend provied maybe this is the way he shows his love too!
2006-06-23 07:41:01 · answer #7 · answered by kaylee_beach 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The dad has a right to see his son. Your b/f needs to realize that. If your b/f feels threatened by another man buying you guys stuff, maybe the dad can stop buying some things like diapers, but the dad will want to give him toys and gifts. Your b/f must realize that the kid has a father and deal with it if he wants to be with a girl that has a child.
Also, the child has every right to know who his daddy is. He sounds like he is a nice guy that wants to help take care of his kid
2006-06-23 07:40:13 · answer #8 · answered by Stewart S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a lot of fathers out there that are separated from their child's mother and doesn't do anything for their child. So please don't let one of the good ones get away. He's the father, it's his responsibility, and he has rights. So just tell your soon to be husband that he need to get over his insecurites and accept that your child father is always going to be a part of your lives. And he should have considered that before he decided to date a single mother. You can't keep a good father away from his child, because he can take legal action too. Soon your husband will be saying that he doesn't want your child around the dad.
2006-06-23 07:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by They Love ME......... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not let anyone kick your son's father out of his life. It is good that your bf wants to take care of you and your baby, but not at the expense of the other parent. If he can't get a grip on it, maybe you're better off without him. Your first priority is your baby and making sure he will have a happy and successful life. There are too many parents who are not and don't want to be in their children's life. It shows he is very immature that he can't understand what is best for your son. Good luck hon and I hope it works out. Try counseling for all of you!
2006-06-23 07:37:18 · answer #10 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋