a*s-hole cussed me out?

Question

my youngest brother cussed me out yesterday...he said some really terrible things,called me very nasty names,etc.(psycho bit*h etc).What really hurt me the most is that he did this in front of my kids who were scared to death.I've always spoiled him,bought him stuff,loaned him money...well,no more!My parents weren't around when this happened and my mom ALWAYS believes every word the lil' a*s-hole says.I'm caught in the awkward position of knowing I'm telling the truth yet having my mom believe my brother.He's 24 and still lives at home...I'm 34 and left home at 17,am working and raising several kids.I'm not jealous of him,I wouldn't want to live under the same roof as my mom.What is the best way of dealing with this ugly situation?Has anyone else experienced something similar?(BTW,I AM seeing a psychiatrist at the moment,for P.T.S.D.,which is why his name calling really hurt)

I used to loan him the car,but he kept bringing it back with an empty tank...I can't afford to loan him the car again when he won't contribute to the gas.

Answer 1

Your kids do not need to be hearing this, much less you. I'd be less concerned about your parents since obviously they will choose to beleive whoever they want to beleive. Ignore your brother and make sure that he is never invited to your home again. If your parents do not like this decision of yours, tough!
You are not the one who is irresponsible and financially dependent on them! Sooner or later they will realize this. Cocentrate on getting yourself mentally healthy and caring for your children. Your brother seems like a very negative person and he has lost every right to impose on you for anything by the way he has treated you.

Answer 2

Obviously his anger is a reaction to you, but not the way you think. He is probably jealous of your life. You seem to have taken on responsibility of a household and the adult world. Something he has yet to do. My brother is jealous of me and I get lectures from him all the time (he's older). You have to understand that you and your brother, though from the same family, are two totally different people and what works for you or what works for him may not work for the other.
He had no right to cuss you out, and NO right to do it in front of your kids. He needs to respect you.

Its a complicated situation, but I suggest you ask your Dr. about it. I also like to watch Dr. Phil b/c he sometimes have advice that will at least make you feel better and then the Starting Over House also gives good general life lessons.

Answer 3

Take some time to cool off, and try to approach your parents about it calmly but firmly.

If they don't budge then tell them that you cannot allow having him set a bad example for your children and will refuse to have them around him (and in implication your parents as well) until something is done about it.

The important thing is to maintain your composure, to not get angry, or emotionally upset when you're dealing with this. And be prepared to actually follow through and keep your children away from the family for a while in case they call your bluff. Which they might since they've raised an awfully spoiled loser in their home.

It's your responsibility to protect your children and more importantly yourself from anyone or anything that may harm you/them emotionally or physically. Don't ever feel like you are in the wrong here.

Answer 4

Name calling is only a way to dehumanize a person so we don't feel so bad about the way we treat them. You have to do some soul searching. You are a person. You deserve to be treated with respect. Close your door to him. As for your mom....it's hard to let go of needing the approval of our parents even after we grow up. You have kids of your own. Remember this event and try to be there for them. I don't want my kids to ever feel like I don't love them just the way they are! I don't always approve of what they do, but I always love them. Ever seen the movie The Joy Luck Club? That one is all about self respect! You need to focus on your accomplishments - whatever they may be! No one can hurt you unless you give them the power to do it. It's sad that the power they have over us is our love for them, but you've got to draw the line somewhere. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Yes, I understand you, however it sounds like there is more to the story, however his abuse is out of line and wrong in every sense of the word.
You should write him a letter (keep a copy of that letter as evidence you sent it) and send it registered mail so he has to sign for it, letting him know that you will no longer tolerate his abusive behavior in your home and in front of your children or towards you. Tell him you want a brother that is loving and supportive not abusive. Tell him he needs to grow up and be a better role model as an Uncle to your children, and to get some counseling or go to anger management sessions. Tell him if he is willing to do all that you will reconsider a relationship with him. Tell him it's his decision and that you are firm on your negotiations.
As for your mother and brother you can't fix them, they have to fix themselves. Your mother has some serious issues and I get that. Trust me if you can on that statement.
You may need to drop contact with your mother as well if she continues to add to the problem and not support you on this matter. If you don't change the direction of the dynamics in your life you will continue to entertain the same old song and dance with your brother and mother.
Maybe it's you who needs to grow up and be the woman in charge of her life and her home and the way you want to be treated. Toughen up. "Your family is either in or there out" with your decisions of how you want to be treated.
Stay strong and don't waiver.

Answer 6

He is probably jealous of you, sibling rivalry never dies, lol. Don't address him pray for him. I am also the oldest, and I have a younger brother we exchange words and fight often. But know I don't have time to engage, if I see it coming I just avoid it. "Silence is Golden" sweetheart don't give him the pleasure, he will soon come around and notice how much of a jerk he can be. Much love.

Answer 7

He is immature to behave that way. However, you failed to mention what you did to set him off like that. Your question is a**hole cussed me out. Is that your attitude towards him? Maybe he senses that.

I wouldn't worry about "telling on him". He is 24. An adult. When he cools off and you are less stinging from his verbal assault you should tell him how his words hurt you and hope he is big enough to offer you an apology.

Time heals all wounds.

Answer 8

You are doing the right thing. He sounds like he has a personality disorder. Just remember, you can't change him, but you still have a huge amount of influence over what you're little ones are exposed to.

God bless you and all mothers.

Answer 9

Smiles 'n' Tears, Giggles 'n' Laughs, Late nite calls 'n' Cute fotographs, ill b rite here till da day of ma death best friends forever till ma very last breath!!

Answer 10

Yeah, I've been there. He lived with me and my kids and my mom lived there too. He treated us all like total ****, so I got him out of my house as soon as I could, and I don't talk to him or have him around me or my babies. Good luck.