Advice Needed for Dead Relationship?

Question

I am a 37 year old female who is still hung on the guy she left over 20 years ago. How could this be?!
He did nothing but cheat, lie, steal, etc. when we were together, yet he was my life. The day he hit me, 7 years after we first met, was the day I left him. I knew he had hit his ex before me and had always told him I'd leave him if he ever hit me. I guess he knew that would cause me to leave like cheating never did.
I know that I don't miss HIM, or even US, I only miss what I WISH WE HAD BEEN. So, why can't I get over him? It's been 20 years! I still keep in contact with his family, we have a son together, I always know where he is (maybe not exactly, but life wise) and how he's doing. I dream of this man 2-5 nights a week, making my current relationship with a wonderful man seem doomed. I've been to counseling and am a certified freak, LoL. Manic Depression/BiPolar Disorder/PTSD. I really want to be over him and able to love again. Is there a way to get him out of my system?

Answer 1

i think you are into a form of masochism. women in general love drama and you for one are taking it to one extreme.

remember, love is just another chemical reaction in your body. use another chemical to fight it! chocolate is good. a pastrami sandwich is another. if you need something stronger, try jack daniels. better yet, why not sleep with the next loser that comes along to distract you from the first one?

Answer 2

I think it's understand the difference between "Being in Love with a Person" or "Being in Love with the IDEA of love with a person". At one time in your life you loved this abusive man..not for the abuse but the idea of "what it could have been if". You had a child with this person..that's not easy to get rid of, what it does show is that your love or better said "your ability to love" is very deep with commitment...it's not easy for a obviously deep and compassionate person like yourself to give up...to go on...your commitment was real and deep. That is not a curse but a blessing a gift you have that many don't have or understand. That's why so many say how can you not leave this person???...it's because you are deeply committed to relationships even after 20 years you feel the pull of that love you once had...but I'm a big believer that love is a choice..try to learn to chose not to have feelings..it's hard but it can be done.

Good Luck & God bless

Answer 3

#1. Stop talking to his family, you left him, so you should leave that whole side of him. They aren't your family. #2. Have a night out on the town with some friends. That always takes my mind off of things. Maybe sparks will fly. #3. Your boyfriend may be a wonderful guy, but if you are still thinking about the old guy, apparently he isn't good for you. He would be better as your friend. You need to meet someone who takes your breath away. Someone that will love you like no one else can. I wish you the best of luck on your long journey through what may just be perfect!

Answer 4

If you have been in proffessional counseling and yet have not found a way to get him out of your system, nobody here is going to be able to help much. I suggest you stop keeping in touch with him, or his family. If your son needs to see him or that side of the family, he is old enough now to make his own arrangements. I suggest you start opening up your heart to your current man and stomp down savagely on any thoughts of this husband you left so long ago. I once had a love which was so difficult for me to get over. He too was bad for me. It took my stopping all contact, all talking of him, all communication and opening my eyes and heart to the wonderful man who was ten times the man this other one was. You have the same bad habit I have of living in the past. You have to make a conscience choice of looking at the present and not allowing yourself to dwell on the past. The past is dead, over, gone. Living in the past stops all living in the current present. You are emotionally distant to all those who need to presently. You are distant because you are allowing yourself to obsess over the past, and as long as you do so you are not really in the present. Life in the present seems as the dream as the past is what seems alive to you. It is a lie you are creating and only you can stop it. It is also a way of not dealing with the daily living of the present. You have to choose how you wish to live, now or the past. It is a choice you are making each day, each moment of the day. Stomp it down, see if for the lie it is and the crutch of not facing the present. I feel for you, but I also know it is possible to move foward and live in the present as I finally did it myself. Each moment your mind drifts to the past stomp it down and look around you at the present. Keep your mind focused, fake it till you make it. Pretend you no longer think of him, push him away each time you reach for him and sooner than you think you will be sronger in the present and it will be easier to push away the past, and finally it will only be a small memory. Good luck and all the happiness now, today, do not deny yourself, nor your current partner the joy of living today brings. Blessed Be.

Answer 5

Wow. You need to keep telling yourself that you are so much better off without that guy. Try going out with with a group of friends.... join a singles group such as parents without partners, or some other single parent support group. Doesn't seem like he should be much to get over. A liar, cheater,theif??????

Answer 6

Just remember that he hurt you and no woman should ever go through such a thing like that.

Answer 7

yes move on dont think much