After 30 years of marriage my parents are getting a divorce. Am I crazy because I am not handling this well?

Question

How can I get through this? I'm 26 years old and I thought this would be easier to cope with being older. I have the two most beautiful little girls in the world and it really hurts me to have to tell them that grandma does not live with papa anymore! I know things could be worse (alot worse) and I am trying to remember that but I just thought it would be easier than this. Please give me some advice! Thanks!!

I do want them to be happy!! Why would I not!!! You guys don't have to be mean! If you can't be nice then please do not answer my question!! And by the way I am very far from being selfish!!!!

Answer 1

First off, totally ignore that first answer. Some people just feel such inadequency they have to put down others to feel better about their own lives which are usually unhappy.

I understand the pain you are in, only to the degree that my parents divorced when I was in my teen years. I hope your parents are able to have an amicable divorce, stay on good terms for the sake of their children and grandchildren.

It will take a while for them to come to a true amicable place. After so many years of marriage it hurts a great deal for such a long term relationship to disolve. It sounds like they tried their hardest to hold it together. At least they made it past your childhood. You were able to be raised in a two parent household. I understand you need time to greive the loss of your parental unit. These individuals, in this relationship has been your foundation sence birth. Of course this is going to rock the that foundation and hurt deeply. You need to allow yourself to greive that loss and all this signifies. Your children are hardy. Kids seem to be able to cope and spring back from things much eaiser than adults. As these are grandchildren they are once removed from the situation. They were not living with their grandparents so it will only be a small adjustment for them in seeing both in different living situations. It is you who I am most concerned about. If you are experiancing really deep emotional pain, I suggest seaking out proffessional assistance in coping with this tragedy. It is a tragedy in your life. I am so sorry this has happened. I know this will not help right now, but try to think of your parents as seperate people who were not born your parents. They have needs that have nothing to do with being parents. They are just as much intiltled to find real happiness and peace in life as anyone else. They stayed together long enough to get you kids raised up. It must have been difficult for them to maintain a untied front and keep honoring each other and behaving with respect while a relationship was crumbling. I only hope both are mature enought to maintain a amicable relationship for the sake of the family and themselves. it is by far the best method of continuing to meet the needs of the entire family. They need to get along for birthdays, holidays, marriages, school functions etc. Try to support each of them and not take sides. Unless one has done something to harm the other. If one is not willing to be mature, to face the truth of behaviors which created the situations which led to the failed marriage then you have to face the fact that one or both parents lack maturity. I hope this is not the case. Even in pain we can behave honorably and do what is right for others. It is important each individual find that which makes them fullfilled and happy. If they can not do so for each other any longer, then it is right for them to move forward and find the happiness they deserve. Remember, your parents are in turmoil too. They are in pain. This is a huge transition for them and they are just as human as the next person. Being a parent does not mean we have less needs then those who are not parents. We try to do our best, but the time comes when we need to seak our oun fullfillment and we deserve happiness, especially if we have put our lives on hold in order to raise our children as a united team.

There must have been signs that the relationship was troubled. perhaps it was troubled so long it became normal for them to have such dysfunctional relationship. or such a lopsided relationship with one loving and trying and the other not capable of doing so. What ever the situation, try to find it in your heart to allow your parents to find some happiness and peace. Life is too short to spend it unhappy, unloved, unaccepted, or just plain miserable.

My current husband stayed in a marriage for twenty years after he knew he had made a huge mistake. He stayed for the sake of his children. He was unloved, disrespected, treated with disdane, for twenty years. When he finally divorced his ex-wife she has stayed bitter to this day, which is seven years later and refuses to be amicable with him. Their grown children suffer for this refusal on her part to come to terms with the divorce even thought she has remarried. She has serious emotional issues which creates an inability for her to give any real love or devotion to anyone. her children still seak out a relationship she is unable to provide them with. I see how hurt they are and it saddens me deeply. We have to have seperate holidays, and she refuses to attend common events like birthdays, graduations, weddings etc. The kids are crushed.

I pray this will not be your reality. I pray that your parents, as mine were able, will be able to find an amicable way of dealing wiht each other.

Bless you and I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

Answer 2

Parents Divorce After 30 Years

Answer 3

Ya know, I'm 25 and I have a little girl who is almost five. I honestly don't know how I'd handle it if my parents got divorced. I feel like I am mature enough to handle it, but I don't know what I'd do. I love my parents and yes, they fight occasionally, but I don't ever see them getting divorced, so if it did happen, I think we'd all be shocked. I'd probably need counseling. And I have no idea how my daughter would handle it. When we get to see Grandma and Grandpa, they are always together, so if they got divorced, she'd be so confused. I don't know what to tell you other than be supportive of your parents and try to understand why they are getting divorced. Maybe the whole family can sit down together and have a discussion so that everyone understands.

Answer 4

There are some pros and cons to your situation. For one, we know that your Mom loves you very much. On the other hand, she is also very protective and controlling. This is most likely because of the poor experience she has had with your Father. She assumes that all men are like him because its what she went through. Another good thing is that your Mom wants you to stay a virgin. There are several reasons why this is a good decision, but if you dont have a principle reason as to why it is "the rule" then it doesnt make much sense. Adivce: You should consider getting into a church with a good singles group. Talk with the singles leader and he or she will be able to give you some really good advice. Be sure to go to a church with normal people. Most traditional churches dont have a good singles group. I've yet to see one. You need to tell your Mom and your boyfriend the truth about everything. Let your Mom know that you love her, but her lack of trust in you makes you want to be distant. She cant keep smothering you like this and expect you to want to stick around. She needs to know that you arent going anywhere. Another thing to consider is that your Mom may consider you her best friend. She is realizing that you are getting older now and possibly may move on soon. Just keep in mind her feelings and this will help you along with your situation. Last advice: Get into a church and invite your Mom. This could save everything.

Answer 5

first off dont listen to stupied people its always hard no matter how old you are if your parents get a divorce but the thing to remember they love you and your family regaurdsless if there together or not.The situation could be worse they could stay together and fight all the time but at least there handling it mature and getting away from each other my parents was married for 38 years and they divorced it was hard but i dealt with it now they are real good friends and were all happy this way i no it will get easier but give it a little time

Answer 6

I'm 31 and my parents got divorced last October. It was really hard for me too. All I can tell you is that in time you'll feel better.

Just try to keep in mind that their not happy together and by divorcing they are trying to find happiness once again.

Answer 7

It is better for them to divorce and be happy for the rest of their lives and be positive around your children then be together and be miserable. Your girls deserve grandparents that are happy when they are with their grandchildren, so if getting divorced is going to make them happy all you can do is be supportive to them. Of course you are going to be upset you spent your whole life thinking that this was never going to happen, but bad things happen to good people, think of the positive things in your life and all the wonderful times you had with your parents and don't focus on the negative. Good luck...

Answer 8

Hi, my friend!!! I'm sorry that both you and your parents are having to work through this crisis of the heart.

It is proven that divorce is never easy on the adult children of parents who divorce longer after you are gone.

Having kids of my own, I know they never cease to amaze me with their insight when you use language that kids understand. Let them know that they won't be losing their papa.
Allow your daughters to ask questions. Give them thoughtful, straightforward answers.

Once you've done that, take them to some place fun so they can play and let it sink in.

Answer 9

You need to go back to basics....just be thankful you have them both and they are healthy. This happens lots in todays world. I don't understand why your taking it so hard it's not about you or anything you've done. They've made an adult decision that suits them best for their happiness. It's better than seeing them together unhappy.

Answer 10

It is hard, no matter how old you are. You love your parents and you got used to see them as a whole, not two individuals. But in time you will heal and feel better. if you have a journal, write about your feelings. remember, life is made of constant changes.

Answer 11

change is always hard but would you really wont them to stay together when their miserable just so it eases your mind. Go with the flow no point in hurting when its out of your control things will settle soon their still your parents thatl never change so enjoy what you still have