How much should a widow or widower wait to remarry?

Question

My dear aunt died a yr ago. her widower has surprised the family announcing he is going to remarry. He plans to have a big wedding ceremony and a big reception. this has caused a major crisis among his adult children, and my aunts brothers and sisters.(One of them is my mother. she is hurt and angry) I try to remain in neutral terms, more as an observer. but i feel sorry for my mother. My aunt was her favorite sister,

Answer 1

Hello Dulcinea

Your uncle is not being very thoughtful about his remarriage. I mean not when it comes to the huge celebration after your mum and rest of the family are just over the 1st anniversary of your aunt's death.

You know and theorically, a widower (Widow) can remarry only a couple of weeks after their late wife/husband died but that is legally! You know time for the paperworkk, death certificate and applying to marry but that is all legal stuff, paperwork and doesn't take into account people's sensibilities.

I don';t suppose there is any chance that someone might talk to your uncle? Explain to him that his decision to wed again is a little upsetting as it is, so soon after the death of your aunt, but the fact that it is to be a grand wedding occasion makes it worse. You know try to reach an agreement, for instance less of a big occasion, out of decency for your aunt's family and children!

Your uncle should be very careful there because, and should he go with his decision, he might well cause a rift with some of of his own children.

Negotiation is the key there!

Good luck

Answer 2

THere is no "set" time period. As long as he is not being taken advantage of, be happy for him.

I think the best tribute to the loved shared by a couple is their ability to move on and love again when their spouse dies.

My mother loved my father with all her heart. My Father adored her. And I would have been thrilled if a gentleman had come into her life at ANY point...even right after the death...as long as she wasn't taken advantage of.

One widower in a book called Cold Sassy Tree said to his kids after remarrying after his wife died: "Kids, she's as dead as she's ever going to get". (Or something to that effect). And that's the truth.

See it as a tribute to your aunt...she loved your uncle so much and so dearly that he is able to love again.

I know that if I die, I want my husband to find the next love of his life.

Answer 3

Maybe the family shock comes from the uncle surprising his large family with a new person in his life. Certainly, his responsibility is to be aware of everyone's feelings, which is more the case with a large family. I would perscribe a progressive introduction to acclimate the clan to the new member. But sounds like it's too late.

Answer 4

that's what men do. they can't be left alone. My mother passed away on June 23rd and my dad remarried a year and 10 days after my mother had passed away. I liked this women and I personally was happy for my father. I didn't want him to go through life alone. Tell your mother and all of the other people who are upset that life goes on and for them to get over it! There's nothing that they can do about it any way.

Answer 5

Some people, primarily males, do not know how to survive without a mate. They do not have enough of a support system. I know of one man, we loved the wife, but watched him slide into a steep decline when she died. When he was found by another and they were marrying, we all agreed to tell his son, the reality. He was headed toward the statistic that said many men die within a year of the death of their spouce. But it was obvious for all to see. Over 50 male.

Answer 6

Usually men remarry pretty quick especially if they were with her a long time. Let him be. He is happy. Celebrate that he wants to live and be happy. Who wants to go through life mourning forever? It's an uncolorful life and not worth living. I bet your aunt wouldn't want him to be alone either. Rejoice and save your judging -- it's not your job.

Answer 7

You are doing the right thing being neutral. Its not up to anyone in the family to say when hes to remarry, its up to him, it's his life, and I'm sure hes doing it because its in his heart. Maybe he needs the companionship. Think about it if it was you or your parent being lonely to satisfy others, or happy.

Answer 8

He's an adult and entitled to make his own decisions in life. If he's found happiness with another woman and wants a big celebration, that's his choice.

Answer 9

First off, I am sorry for you loss. But, I am sure your aunt would have wanted her husband to be happy after her death. I would stay neutral as well.

Answer 10

The Adult children should get over it. If he is ready I'd say it's fine. They have to understand that just because it hasn't been enough time for them, it doesn't mean that it's too soon.