I've been married for more than 20 years. I met my husband when I was 16 and married him at 18. Most of those years were good ones, but for the past 5 or 6 years I feel like I've been the glue to this marriage. Recently, he left me for another woman, was away for about 3 months, but wen ended back together, with a struggle. He's an alcoholic. I still love him, but not the same anymore. In the past, he's had a roving eye. He even lost a job because of this roving eye once. I forgave him in the past, including this time, but the difference this time is that I am not the same person anymore, and I met someone that now treats me like a queen. Unfortunately, this person turned out to be a family member of his. We have fallen in love and he wants a future with me as do I. I still love my husband and would want to work it out with him, but I don't trust him anymore. He's now behaving and treating me somewhat decent, for now. Any suggestions? Anyone with a similar experience?
2006-06-23 05:47:15 · 9 answers · asked by BluePassion 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have decided after two marriages that there are different kinds of love, you do what makes YOU feel the best. You won't be able to change your husband, and I know from experience, they may try to change, but it rarely works out, and if so only temporarily.
It ends up not being fair to either one of you. Don't take a chance on losing your new love...........
2006-06-23 05:52:51 · answer #1 · answered by ceffedupwithwhiners 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I only have your side of the story. Based on your side, I suggest you take a vacation by yourself..for about 1 month. Your husband is going through a very long mid life crisis and has drug you into the mess. And yes, same experiences like a parallel line. IF at the end of a month, you still feel the same, it is over and you will know it. AS for the family member, whoa! Rough one there. You will end up alienating many on his side and he will be over the top with rage. I understand your taking him back...no big deal and certainly wise. But, you could not have foreseen your ambivalent feelings, and now they are there..arising from pain and self protection. Some things, once broken, cannot be put back together, but only you can make that decision. Take the month, have a great time BY YOURSELF! Go to Hawaii, go anywhere, but go alone. You deserve the "time out."
Your husband is treating you "somewhat decently" because he more than senses your ambivalence...he is frightened he is losing you..and well he should be. Keep in mind that there is NO reason to believe that life with a new person will be any better in the long run..that is why you need a time out. Take it. Please take it ... you will be in a position to make intelligent decisions, but you are not there now. The best of luck to you.
2006-06-23 06:19:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, what kind of relationship can you have with your husband without trust? Trust is the very foundation relationships are built on. Perhaps that is why you feel differently toward him. I would suggest marriage counseling. You may discover things about both you and him that will help you be able to be more clear on what you want to do with your marriage. Educated decisions are the best ones that are made! People rarely regret making decisions once they've discovered all of the facts and made their decisions more based on facts than feelings. Feelings can be deceiving sometimes and waver too much from day to day. A therapist would help the two of you get to the root of the problems with each other and your individual problems and then you can determine if your marriage salvageable. It would also help you have more clarity on whether you truly want to save your marriage. But as you said, it is a two way street. He has to be just as willing as you are to work on the marriage. Otherwise, what is the point?
2006-06-23 05:57:41 · answer #3 · answered by Mother of 2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you maintain your sanity and let it go once he left you and you took him back he will feel he can do it again and know you'll take him back you don't need that if you have been the glue then that means he's not putting forth any effort in the relationship maybe he wants to leave for good but doesn't know how maybe he's keeping you on the side as his just in case wife stop being that just in case be that woman that is appreciated, your hands don't call for anything less as I've said before if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything!
2006-06-23 05:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of this destructive relationship now. He has already cheated. He has already left. Why on earth would you want to sacrifice your SELF to be there for him. He hasn't changed his behavior at all and wants you to change yours. FORGET IT. Realize that it will take time for you to heal from the wounds in your life. Take time to find the right person. The family member is a crutch you are using right now. They are familiar and supportive and you may find that after time you didn't really fall in love but found someone who could help you find the exit from your relationship you were looking for. Talk to your pastor, your therapist, any professional to help you understand that alchololics will sweet talk you into anything.
2006-06-23 05:53:45 · answer #5 · answered by Pippin67 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't trust your husband for a very good reason. To be honest if i was you, there would be no way in hell that i would of took him back. So if i was in your shoes i would leave. I would leave because i could not stand the thought of him being with another woman. How do you know that he won't do this again?
2006-06-23 06:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by TinkerBell 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I HAD this same experience! I left my ex-husband for his cousin. My ex-husband was abusive and repeatedly unfaithful. His cousin moved in with us for a while. I left him for his cousin and we have a child together.
Personally, I say follow your heart. You only live once honey, do your best to make your time here on earth happy and peaceful.
2006-06-23 06:09:02 · answer #7 · answered by berkeleygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a very touchy situation. You're best to avoid this new romance until your husband's infidelity comes to some resolution. Your heart, and your family and his, need time to heal from his indiscretions.
2006-06-23 10:13:48 · answer #8 · answered by Veritatum17 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what a weird sitch.
stay with the man.
2006-06-23 05:54:41 · answer #9 · answered by Piffle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋