My exgirlfrien said she was raped. She had no signs of it but her mood. There was nothing else, was this real.

Question

She came home, sore after staying at her girlfiriends, she has stayed there before but not come home so sore. She hid the fact until the next day even though it was obvious something was wrong. There was no physical evidence, she said she went to the hospital and reported, but no papers, no documents. I seemed to want proof. The next week she had the pregnancy scare. This whole time is a living hell for me so I qeustion it happening and she becomes mad. I seemed to do more damage than the supposed rape. I never found out if it was actually true, no real details. She was at the bar with a friend, the friend left her at the bar so she got a ride with an old high school friend, he supposedly took a detour pulled over and raped her, she had no signs of a struggle, looked alright, all her long natural finger nails where there, was it true, does that sound true, am I a bad person for not believing or getting mad, why would she not tell me more, what should i have doen, I still want to know?

I did stay with her for quite some time after all this went down, it was very comforting for her as it seemed, of course her behavoir became more violent than in the past and continued to go to the bar with the girl who left there. I still stayed with. cause I iked her, told her to settle down with the partying, because she had been raped in the past coming back from the bar, basicly curious to what people thought about her story instead some were angry at me, no i stayed with her, comforted her and tried to convince her to get counseling, gave her space when she needed. To me as much as it seemed like a story i tried to believe and think eventually its what caused my leaving, seriously, why would she want to go back to the bar, with that friend, I felt bad becuase I was not there for her that night but she liked it that way, her friend did too, they had some lesbian past but maybe still going, she was too much, who knows, that is why I came here. for sure not crawling back, just away

Answer 1

if she says she was you should take her seriously and do something about it!

Answer 2

Well the fact that there was no evidence of the report at the hospital makes the story seem a bit untrue. However, if you went to inquire about the incident there is the likelihood that this information would not be disclosed to you.

What is important to know it that most females that are raped never report it and sometimes think that it is their fault. It would also take alot of courage on her part to disclose this to you if it occurred. I know a friend that was raped and until today it has never been reported. In most cases it is because people may ask them details that they are unwilling to answer or people may simply not believe them. Remember she could have kept this info. to herself. No sign of a struggle also, doesn't mean that this didn't happened. It could have just meant that the person was strong enough to hold her down properly. My friend was raped on the side of a street and she was so embarrassed she actually fixed herself properly before she went home. She had a bath and acted as if nothing happened, not even her parents knew. I only know because she choose to tell me.

On the other hand however, if she was not raped that is a hell of a story to make up to explain bruises. I could think of a lot of other convincing stories to make up to explain bruises. The best you could do is to give her the benefit of the doubt and support her. I am sure the truth will be revealed eventually.

In short even if some evidence may seem amidst that may cause you to disbelieve her, you should support her and her own conscience will eat at her if her story is untrue.

Answer 3

I don't think makes you a bad person, but I have to wonder if she is the right girl for you. Not to trust someone especially in such a case is not a good thing. Has she done something before to make you doubt her story? If so, why are you with that type of girl. Do you think she went out with her friends and have some rough sex with some guy--then regretted it and made up some story to cover herself with you? Wrong girl for you!

As far as evidence, she doesn't have to be beaten up and have scarthes bruises, and physical signs of a fight to be a victim of rape. She may have been unable to fight. She could have been so scared or drunk that she couldn't fight. When a woman says no, it should mean NO. She could have felt like if I don't move or struggle or fight him I may make it out of this of live. I may make it worse....have you ever been so scared till you were basically a basketcase--you could not move---you could not yell---if not then you don't know how she felt...to be degraded in such a matter, then to be raped by a so-called friend, I can't imagine what she went through. I am glad she reported him, and I hope they throw him in a cell, with some big old sexed crazed 7 foot tall dude well-equipped!!!!

Make up your mind whether you believe her or not. If you don't leave her alone...If you believe her, then honey, you need to make up for lost time, because she maybe wondering if she wants to be with someone who doesn't have her back, and has not given her the support she desperately needs now....ASK her what you can do...if you are staying, tell her you are proud that she reported the rape, tell her you will be there with her the whole way...right there besides her...loving her..and she needs professionally help(recommended by the way) drive her...this is about her and you as a couple....not you!

Answer 4

sounds kind of fishy if she reported it but there was no documents but on the other hand just because there were no signs or marks does not mean it did not happen, if a girl is sexually active it's kind of hard to tell if she's been raped or not, also some girls do not struggle when they are being raped because they are afraid they might get hurt, think about it, they are scared and they think if the cooperate that they will be alive by the end of it. I can see why you have doubts but i don't know what else to tell you. Although if it did happen and she has no documents of reporting it then i do not think she actually reported it. She might be lying about that and if she can lie about that then she can lie about other things, maybe she cheated and did not want to tell you but i think I'm just confusing you more and not answering the question. Hope everything works out though.

Answer 5

You should believe her. She needs your support right now. Rape is not something that someone wants to be real talkative about. It is a frightening and horrifying experience. She is probably going throught the shock of being violated and if she had been drinking at a bar this might explain the fact that she still has her finger nails and that it does not appear that she struggeled because she had been drinking. You said that you are her ex but regardless she must consider you a friend to confide in you. Give her time. You have to help her heal right now. If she says that she was raped than she probably was. Who would lie about something so horrible.

Answer 6

Just because she didn't look like she had been in a struggle, doesn't mean she wasn't raped. No is no, whether there was a physical fight or not. She should have called the police. She is letting a rapist loose to strike another unsuspecting girl. It's not too late. I don't know her, so I don't know if there is a possibility that she is lying. Your job, if you love her, is to believe her and support her. If you're still not sure she is telling the truth, suggest a counseling session for you both to find closure. She probably needs counseling if she was raped anyway.

Answer 7

I don't know any women that are twisted enough to lie about such dreadful things.. accept it.. the world can be a nasty place. I think she might be an ex because of your lack of trust issues. Did you even make at attempt at being comforting and supportive?
It might have been consensual sex.. It might have been a second chance at having a fling with an old flame.. It could have been anything.. She could be lying.. But the thing that would bother me is.. what if I treated her like crap and told her she was faking it for attention or using it as a pathetic way of rationalizing to herself that she made a big mistake.. and it really did happen? I would be really upset with myself for losing someone special like that because of my own selfish insecurity.
The truth is you will never know what happened.
Move on .. and next time give her the benefit of the doubt until it is really obvious that she has made a big mistake and intentionally betrayed your trust.

Answer 8

It seems as if you are trying to determine the situation using logic. It is illogical that she was raped because of her fingernails or because of a lack of papers, etc. But why would anyone make up a story about being raped? The only possible answer is she is insane to make up a story about something so serious or she is telling the truth.

Victims of a serious trauma have a hard enough time not repressing the event with the help and support of loved ones, let alone when they don't believe them. She needs professional psychiatric help immediately.

Answer 9

She's an ex-girlfriend and she went to you about her situation, trusting you with this information. You simply don't believe her. Why don't you just state that, instead of dancing around it in your post like you did? You feel she has to be battered, bruised, broken bones. Did you ask to check her below with a high powered flashlight? If you don't believe her, then she needs to go to someone professional who can better determine what kind of help she needs, like the cops and a hospital with real doctors.

She may not want to get into the gory details and why not? Because she is traumatized, perhaps. Let's face it, you are not a professional. Get her to the hospital, get it reported with the cops, and just be as supportive as you can. Listen, and just be there for her if you can. If you can't, tell her simply you can't handle this and she should go to someone who can, like the cops ASAP. And since she can ID the attacker, all so much the better.

Get her help fast. But don't sit and judge her. That's not your job.

Answer 10

first off I really want to call you some nasty names but I will not because you are not a real bright person I see. Of course a person can be raped and not show signs on the body but it can do damage on the inside. of a person I have dealt with it personally and believe me it messes with the mind and soul. when this happens it takes time for the person to be able to talk about it DO NOT PUSH. sure you want to know but you are not her boyfriend anymore right. It takes a long time for a rape victim to be able to trust the opposite sex. they may never let strangers touch them or even friends touch them for years to come. She needs to see a counselor and talk it out not talk it out with you. Sounds like you are just curious she does not need that. if you want to help do research on some places she can go for counseling then back off. just leave the information some where she can find it do no push it down her throat. If you want to ask more you can email me. but do keep pushing her to give you answers

Answer 11

If she went to the hospital they would have called the police. And she said she knows who did it, she doesn't want him arrested? That's strange. Your not bad to question. People do lie about it, they do it all the time to get attention or out of anger. Certainly their must be something in your past with her that makes you think she is less then honest, or chances are you never would have questioned her. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation, She's your ex, not current girl. Just be nice to her, but try and refrain from discussing the incident as much as possible