and please dont say because "I love him / her " Thats so lame.
2006-06-23 05:10:58 · 43 answers · asked by Yakuza 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
because they are weak, afraid, have kids, dont care, are stupid, dont "really" know its happening, etc.....
there are millions of reasons people can come up with, but the worst one is "i love him/her" .......i dont care how much i love someone, i do not want to be with someone who obviously doesnt want to be with me....
2006-06-23 05:14:47 · answer #1 · answered by Whitney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people put up with the mate/spouses cheating on them because they don't have enough self-esteem to confront the mate/ spouse or fear rejection. If you were raised in a family that cheating on mates/spouses was an acceptable behavior, then often "you are what you know"...
Some males and females put up with their mate/spouse cheating because they think that there is something wrong with them or they haven't met the other persons needs. Some think that they would never find anyone else who would want them or find them desirable.Some females with small children that feel dependent on their mate/spouse to help raise (and support$) their children.
I think that cheating should be considered on a individual basis.
What was the act? Was alcohol involved? Was it just one stupid slip or an on-going affair? How has it( or will it) impact those involved now and into the future? Is there enough love and trust left in the relationship for reconciliation with firm boundaries or is this relationship history? Tough call. Just think with the future in mind and how what you do today will impact you and those you care about the most esp if minor children are involved. Good Luck!.
2006-06-23 05:29:28 · answer #2 · answered by L B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put up with... no one should... but forgiveness is always needed... for the sheer fact if you never forgive them you'll take that anger and hurt around with you for ever. There are too may people that just let their spouse walk over them and cheat when ever they want... At the same time there are plenty of marriages when people have made a mistake... and the two have worked through it and come out the otherside stronger. Once a cheater always a cheater isn't always true. Plenty of marriages have survived it. When someone cheats the other person must try to see if this was a HUGE mistake or if this was a willful decision. Sometimes it's a hard call to make... but just because someone cheats shouldn't end the relationship. You have to look at the persons heart to determine if that should be the end of the relationship.
2006-06-23 05:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by Jembee1720 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I love him/her" is actually not "lame" -- although it doesn't really articulate things well.
1. People are insecure and feel as if they left, they wouldn't find anyone else or even know what to do to find someone.
2. They trusted this person; who says the next one won't look trustworthy too, and still betray them? (so why start over?)
3. When you commit to someone, you train yourself to "love" them. ("Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also," said Jesus, and he was right.) You can't just turn off the feelings overnight.
4. It hurts to decide to quit -- whether out of stubbornness, or feeling like a loser, or just the finality of it. In the end, you feel like you're admitting you just weren't "good enough" for your cheating spouse.
5. The relationship seemed good at one point. It's hard to admit that it's now soured, and easy to want to remember the good parts.
6. There might be kids, and you don't want to disrupt their living arrangement with a divorce.
7. Hope springs eternal. Maybe if you just did the right things or made the right promises, they'd change.
8. The cheater lies and says s/he'll change.
9. The thought of starting over and dealing with the practical parts of being alone (bills, doing all the chores yourself, moving) is exhausting.
So, in the end, I think (a) it's far easier to stay rather than force a split, (b) it's as emotionally painful to leave as it is to stay, and (c) the faithful person still loves the other person and has trouble letting go.
2006-06-23 05:18:10 · answer #4 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because love is blind. Even when people find out the truth, they don't want to believe it is true because it hurts to much to accept the truth. Instead, they try to convince themselves that it never happened or they make up excuses and blame it on themselves. They think "Well if I wouldn't have done this, he/she wouldn't have cheated on me so it is my fault" Not to mention the cheaters usually accuse the ones who are being cheated on whenever they get caught. For example when someone gets caught cheating, they will make the other person feel like it is their fault. It's sad and very wrong, but people can be very manipulative. A lot of times it's also about being comfortable. Some people are just too scared to leave their mate/spouse when they catch them cheating because they have grown so accustomed to them.
2006-06-23 05:15:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with most of the answers posted here. Many people feel insecure in their marriage and are afraid they can't make it on their own. Particularly the mother, who many people have felt has no chance of making a career or raising a family alone. During my military time of 24 years, I saw many couples split for having affairs and I found many who made it quite well on their own.
Many times the partner is ashamed to file for divorce, they don't want the public or anyone to know their spouse cheated on them. Me personally, I would care less of what others thought. If my wife would cheat on me, I would file for divorce no holds barred, not only because my son is an adult, because I don't agree with cheating.
I also know my wife would not put up with me cheating on her. If she would ever catch me cheating, it would be over with.
I would hope anyone who is going through this would have friends and family who will support them and encourage them to file for divorce if necessary and to make sure that they have sufficient proof for the judge, such as photos, motel receipts or other such proof, which at times if young children are involved can encourage a judge to hand out sufficient child support within the maximum allowed by that state.
2006-06-23 05:21:08 · answer #6 · answered by handyman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who can understand the human pysche and why we do the things we sometimes do. People have various reasons why they put up with their mate/spouse cheating. Maybe its hard letting go since they might have only known that one person as being caring to them, maybe fear since they have no other means of supporting themselves so going out into life on their own might seem scary, maybe because of the kids, maybe because the relationship is worth saving to them, maybe just to live together in the same house but have seperate lives, it could be one or a combination of more than one things. Its their lives and its their decisions and they have to live with the consequences.
2006-06-23 05:19:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so right it IS lame. Its also lame to say its for the kids or I cant afford it on my own, or whatever the excuse is!!! The fact of the matter is that they are afraid to be alone or do not have enough self esteem to get out. Why would you torture yourself with someone who doesn't respect you enough to stay faithful. don't get me wrong, we all think that after the first time that they have learned there lesson and wont do it again, sad thing is that once they get away with it once they will keep doing it over and over. Get out and be allot happier!
2006-06-23 05:29:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
about 50% of people will put up with one affair thinking that their spouse can and will change and sometimes this does work and sometimes it doesnt
other people will put up with chronic cheating because their entire lifestyle and everything around them is dependent on the union financially and otherwise, i.e. the whole family system would be torn apart
a lot of people dont put up with cheating at all
2006-06-23 05:15:04 · answer #9 · answered by whoisgod71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
somtimes its not about what they no, for instance i truly believe my boyfriend is cheating maybe not havin sex ,but even if he is just going out with other females to me it is cheating ,the only reason i put up with it is because i have no positive proof when i do get the proof there will be no more arguing about it i dont have to listen to how its all in my head im bring to jealous,ect. i will have seen it with my own eyes i dont even want a freind to tell me they seen him because he can still use the excuse she is lying and all that crap if i see with my eyes there is no way out of it and i will no for positive what was happing and when i leave i wont be wondering was i wrong
2006-06-23 05:31:35 · answer #10 · answered by chell 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Low self-esteem
2. Think they can't do any better
3. Kids
4. Their scared to be on their own
5. Think the spouses cheating is their fault
2006-06-23 05:15:05 · answer #11 · answered by Hugo G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋