How do I tell my wife that she's fat?

Question

My wife has gained a lot of weight since we've married. I know having children didn't help, but I really wish she drop a few pounds and take care of herself.
I've expressed my concerns before, but she doesn't take it serioulsy. What can I say that will finally motivate her to get back in to shape?

Answer 1

Be upfront and open like you are in here. Offer to help her workout. Anyway, working out as a couple can stimulate fun in the bedroom occassionally.

Answer 2

I think you both should enroll in a gym together. How would you feel if she said you need to do better in the sexually in the bedroom or that you are not attractive anymore? Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel? Be respectful and considerate. Change the way your family eats. Go buy foods that you know are healthy for everybody in the family not just her. Try cooking a healthy meal and suggesting to the family that you guys need to start eating right. I'm SURE there is something about you physically you need to change too. Being nice goes a long way. Have fun exploring...

Answer 3

Nothing you SAY will help her. How you ACT is the only way to help her. Lots of men feel the same way you do, but it only HURTS a woman to talk to her about her size, or to bring her health into the issue. Don't say a word. Just get a family membership to a gym, and then GO WITH HER. Also, love the socks off her. Tell her she is beautiful. Compliment her every day. You married her for better AND for worse, and besides, you are probably not the same handsome hunk in her eyes that you once were.

Answer 4

Well I wouldn't come out and tell her shes fat because I am sure she isn't happy with herself and that would only make it worse. Instead try lets start walking, go shopping with her and get healthy foods, Like I say in my house to everyone is we are not going to eat junk because it makes you feel like junk. I went through that but my problem was a hormone imbalance and once it was addressed I dropped all my weight. You have to be supportive and help in a loving way. If you get nasty or threatening you could push her out the door or into a another mans arms that is happy with everything about her. Have seen it a few times. So if you love her for her then love her and appreciate her and help her in a positive way.

Answer 5

Help her cook and eat healthier. Get her involved in activities. My boyfriend and I enjoy taking a walk after dinner most nights. It is a good way to work off the meal and talk about the day. Cooking can also be very fun. There are alot of provokative foods you two could make for each other that are healthy also!! If you want to sit down and talk with her about her weight, tell her that you think you BOTH should start getting health for each other and for your children. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

How do you tell her you'd like to get slapped? Just kidding.

I would suggest something like this:
"Honey, you know I will love you no matter what. I'm concerned that you may be endangering your health with the extra weight/not being in shape/whatever. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. What I can do to help you?"

If she is not motivated to change, you cannot change her mind. But at least you have brought it up in a loving way, with lots of "I" statements, and offered to help.

You can also look at ways you may be sabotaging her when she tries to lose weight. Have YOU gained any weight since the marriage? Do you exercise and make healthy food choices? Don't forget to look in the mirror! :o)

Answer 7

You say your wife doesn't take your 'concern' seriously.
Are you concerned or complaining? Does she take anything you say seriously? We men are incredibly visual, and we as a media glutted society are increasingly hammered by all kinds of imagery.... most of it with no basis in reality.
Confidence and comraderie are hard to come by. The physical world is fleeting, while realationships are about people relating on more than one plane.... As my wife and I embrace this journey together we complain together, and at each other. And experience changes in our body (many of them unwanted) and we constantly remind each other that when were eighty we have no idea as to what life will be like.. Oh yeah we also walk together every night, shop for and prepare meals together. Pig out together fight over not fitting any of our clothes.

And I can honestly say her weight issues plague her far more intensely than mine. I lose weight much more easily (men do, we have more muscle to our mass and have different metabolisms) Anyway even though I encourage her and all that, women are more critical of women and care more about what the women in their lives' think than you.
I would listen to the things she's allready saying. There could be issues afoot you haven't noticed yet. Chances are the food is an escape and there someting big eating her more than her getting big eating...
My wife loves playing board games (sometimes dialing in on her world helps me have a little say and support in it). I think board games are boring...

Answer 8

Take something out of her closet that she used to look great in and say, "I used to love this dress on you - I wish you were still able to wear it!" Just be honest with her - tell her you love her, but that she has to do something about her weight issue - both for her own health issues and for the sake of your marriage. Tell her you'll be more than happy to work on it with her, to help keep the both of you motivated. It doesn't have to be at a gym, tell her you can start slow - watching what you eat, and walking a 1/2 hour every day....that isn't too much to ask.

Answer 9

Two routes. If you want the easy way "what can I say" you can be brutally honest and sit her down "Honey I want to do something about this. I'm worried about your health... I'm not attracted to you anymore... example for the kids..."
Or you can try to change her behavior- steering her away from unhealthy foods at the grocery store, take her to do active things on weekends rather than sit around the house, veg out and eat... join a gym together, take dancing classes together or go walk on the beach or go for a morning jog together. If she suggests icecream or a buffet, suggest cooking a healthy dinner for her, or cooking it together. Rather than sitting down and reading a book or watching TV at night go for a walk together. If you see her shoveling a cookie/doughnut in her mouth, take it out of her hand literally and distract her (I'm sure you can think of something fun). I suggest the second option obviously- just remember this is a partnership, you're in this together, and its not "saying" something to get her to do all the work, you can help too.
BUT if she's a stay at home mom that doesn't do anything but sit and watch Soaps all day than maybe its time for her to do something to help out around the house and get off her butt..... than I'd use option 1. Good luck.

Answer 10

Don't tell her that she is fat! Just tell her that she is a lil' obesed and that she has'nt been watching her diet and/or what she eats. You should still love her even if she has gained weight. You could tell her that she has gained weight by asking her to have a salad with you or take her out for a walk with you. Don't tell het that she is fat because that will hurt her feelings. Ask her what happened to the women that he married if she does'nt want to loose the weight and take care of herself.

Answer 11

These type of situations you handle real gently see we women take things to heart and our weight is one of them! You have to handle that with kid gloves try sitting her down and telling her in a kind manner Honey I really think you've put on a few pounds and ask her to join a gym or get an exercise plan going on to tone herself up! See she already knows she's gained the weight and may be feeling self-conscienous about it so you need to approach with caution!