My bf wants a baby?i dont think i'm ready?

Question

i was preganant with my ex. bf baby and lost it at 4 1/ 2months my new bf was there for whole thing we have together a little a month and have been friends since third grade but have only recently been in contact since highschool . he has 2yr old daughter i just found out about pays 33 dollars a week in child support. i now he makes more money than that but his parents own a greek resturant and only record he gets paid minmum wage. he spoils me giving me gifts but i am still in love with my ex and love him only as friend. he has recently turned controling and violent i have a burn mark from an iron that was thrown some other things because of my contact with my ex. even though he has a new gf and i just wanted to set record straight(we are going same college soon.)my bf want a babyboy though and wont lay off. he is 21 and i am 18 and dont feel ready and am confused and depressed.

i want to make him happy but my doctor said no sex for at least another month and i dont now how to really talk to my bf i will feel guilty if i break up w/him after all he was there for my miscarriage.

Answer 1

1. Your new boyfriend is already cheating the kid he has out of money.
2. He's violent.
3. You're 18.

Having a baby with this guy would be the dumbest thing you could ever do.

Answer 2

Well first and foremost, if your not ready to have a baby then, DON'T DO IT. Remember, your man can walk out of the picture anytime he likes and then you'd be stuck with a baby. He's already got 1 child that he's screwing out of money. I don't know how it is in your state but here in Ky. the first child gets the most. So if the first child is getting 33 a week do you think that you could live off of less than that? Babies are not cheap, trust me I have 3! Your only 18 years old, I had my first baby when I was 16, my 2nd when I was 20 and my third when I was 22. Girl don't rush life. Your young, take it from me, live your life first then think about babies. So what, that he was there for you when you had a miscarriage, if he wasn't someone else could of been. He's throwing stuff at you, hot irons, ummmm....does anyone else think that this guy is a pyscopath yet? When I get mad I might throw a brush or something silly like that but thats like throwing a skillet of hot grease on you, he knows that it's going to burn you. So he's got every intentions of hurting you. He's showering you with gifts, give them back. Tell him that you think he's great and all, and thanks for everything, thanks for being there for you when you really needed someone but tell him where your heart is. Tell him that your sorry but he's gotta go. Friends or nothing! POINT BLANK! And now that you and your ex (who still holds your heart) are going to be starting the same college soon, your gonna get the hell beat out of you and it won't even be your fault. I know it's hard to "fall outta love" but if your ex, (babys dad) wasn't there for you when you were losing HIS baby too, then he's no better. You said your man now wants a baby boy? What happens if you decide to do it and it's a girl, is he gonna throw an iron at the baby, at your belly? Girl find you some counsiling, talk to you parents and get away from this guy. If he won't stop theres a thing called a restraining order. Your to young, with no kids and should be living your life to the fullest, don't let this 21 ruin your life.

Answer 3

Okay let me lay it on the line for U!
I was 21 when i had my little girl.... I am now 23 and through out these past two years it has been a living hell for me!
Now don't get me wrong my daughter is an angel from heaven and I would never leave or change that for anything!
But do I regret having a child by a man that abused me the whole time I was pregnant yes I do!
If this man is hurting u mentally and physically you need to get out of that immediately....I have to deal with this man for the rest of my life....We don't talk unless it's about our child but he's still crazy and I don't trust anything about him!
He's sorry and I get no help from at ALL...
I just hope that U make the right choice....
I was in college when I became pregnant and now I have a BA in Education and soon to have my Masters as well....So it is possible to be a single mother and educated....But LOVE make sure u make the right choice for yourself and the baby.....
Because the baby didn't ask to come into the world.....
So do what makes u happy!
I hope I helped u a little bit!
Smile :)

Answer 4

I was quite sad to read of your dilemma. The reason it saddens me is because you're still very, very young and should be more concerned about living your life in a way that prepares you for your future i.e., becoming financially responsible for yourself first.
Regarding having a baby again---- I would strongly advise against doing so right now. You're in the middle of a strained and possibly volatile relationship with your current boyfriend who you don't love, and you've expressed still being in love with your ex boyfriend. If you stand back and look at yourself clearly, then you'll see that this is not the best situation to be in while carrying a child. I would suggest finding a way to break off this current relationship first. I know this guy has been there for you through a rough time BUT if he really cared about you then he wouldn't mistreat you. You should feel NO OBLIGATION to someone who's abusive, no matter how many gifts he gives you. There is a cycle of abuse that happens when someone becomes violent and then turns nice, wanting forgiveness. The more you allow that to happen, it will never change. NEVER allow anyone to control you to the point of you being in fear. Avoid putting yourself in even a more difficult situation by having a child. IF you're serious about going to college then why hinder yourself with a child right now? It doesn't make sense. You've got plenty of time left to have children, just focus on becoming a better woman by taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and financially. That way, no man will ever be able to control you and you'll attrack the "right" kind of person into your life. Take care.

Answer 5

All I have to say is DUH!!! You are only 18 and did I understand correctly that you have ONLY been together for a little over a month?!? And he pays only $33 in child support a week for another child. Do you have ANY idea how much a baby cost, not $33 a week. Do you know how hard it is to raise a child and go to school? Don't be one of those woman who gets pregnant to please her man and then has to turn around and live off state assistance just to support her and her baby. If you say you don't feel ready then you aren't ready. I'm 26 and I have no desire to have a baby it would ruin my life right now without having a HUSBAND who I know will be around. True husbands can leave but you have a better chance of a husband sticking around when things get tough then a boyfriend who is pressuring his 18 year old girlfriend of a month to have a baby. He has other motives. Leave him and go find yourself a real man in college...unpregnant.
Go get some counseling. I think you need it. And feeling guilty about leaving someone is never a reason to stay with someone. You're young go out and enjoy your life. College would have been no fun for me if I had to rush home everyday to take care of crying baby.

Answer 6

Absolutely not! You are right for not feeling like you're ready. DON'T DO IT. If your boyfriend loves you, he won't pressure you to have a child. Having a child is a lifelong responsibility, not just something you can pitch off when you're no longer in love with your bf or when it gets tough. He may love you now, but what if that baby is born and he finds someone else? Good luck getting him to pay child support or even acknowledge it in the first place. Then YOU'RE stuck with the baby and nothing else. Granted, a baby is a huge blessing, but not right now.

You should think about going to college, getting a career, making a life of yourself. Not worrying about having a child just because your bf wants you to. There's more to life than that. You really need to think of what you're throwing away and what you may possibly be gaining by having a baby.

Also, your bf wants a baby boy.. how are you going to guarantee that that happens? You have no guarantee you'll produce a boy. What if you produce a girl? I can guarantee he won't be sticking around or even love the girl as much as he would a boy. That in itself proves it right there. You're not ready; DON'T DO IT.

Answer 7

Reasons not to have a baby now and/or with this guy:

1. This guy doesn't properly support the child he already has. Do you think it would be different with yours?
2. He abuses you. He might abuse your child too.
3. You say you don't love him.
4. You are getting ready to start college. Babies and college is a tough mix. You won't be able to live your college experience to the fullest if you are saddled with so much responsibility.

As a woman, you are in control of when you have a baby. You have the uterus. It is your decision when to bring a child into the world, not his, and he should not be harassing you about having a baby if you have already said you are not ready to do it. If he really loved you and wanted to raise a family with you he would be supportive and encouraging, not making you feel so upset that you are asking for advice from Y! Answers. We all support your decision to dump this jerk.

Answer 8

Get the hell a way from this a$$ hol. You sound like you have a good head on your shouulders by not wanting to have a baby right now. Like you said you are getting ready to start college and there will be plenty of time later in life for the little ones after you have met your own goals, and you should have had this woman beating a$$ hole locked up the minute he put his hands on you, even if you wanted to have a child now, you wouldnt want it to be with a woman better would you? Press charges against him,have him locked up. While he is in jail move all you stuff out and dont let him know where you are.

Answer 9

Not only are you not ready, you don't need to be with him at all. There is nothing to be confused about. If he's abusive in any manner (physically, mentally, emotionally) then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. To top it off, he's hiding money so he only has to support his daughter with $33 a month. Not acceptable at all. If you two were to break up, would you be content with that? All the warning signs are there for you, take heed before you get yourself into a situation that you regret. I'm sorry about the loss of your last baby, but leave this relationship and grieve properly. I'm sure he's a rebound guy, which in normal circumstances I'd say do what you gotta do to move on, but this guy is hindering your progress not helping it. I pray you get out of this relationship before something horrible happens. Best of luck to you. Please keep us updated.

Answer 10

Um...seriously...have you read your own question??? This man is NOT ready to be in a relationship, let alone a father. I would break up TODAY! What next...he'll throw the iron at your baby when it cries? The only thing worse than being in a terrible relationship is being in a terrible relationship WITH CHILDREN! It's ok to have feelings for an abusive person, but DON'T have a relationship with them.

Just because you love some one (gasp) doesn't mean you should marry them or be with them.

There is a LOT more to a relationship than just love. Love is a good place to start, but a terrible place to finish.