I need help from hopeless romantics?

Question

I have been with my GF for 7 years, we are still young i am 24 she is 25. I have been with other people while we were on a break and she says she hasn't (i know her well enough to know she is not lying). A month ago she told me she wanted to take a break from the relationship. She is in Med School and about take the boards(huge life changing test) she has not been intimate with me over the past few months..did i mention we have almost always been in a long distance relationship? But she never expressed any feelings like this EVER We have been through tough times before, cheating and feeling unsure and she said that she is willing to work things out, but not right now...everyone, including her is telling me not to put my life on hold. She isn't cheating, she still loves me but is says she is not in love right now and can't promise she will be, but wants us to be together. Whats her deal? I dont want to wait for her, but i may have to.

Answer 1

If she's taking her med boards in a month, she's probably under enormous pressure right now & needs to alleviate her stress & stay focused.

I'd advise being patient with her, and be supportive wherever possible without projecting your own insecurity on her. You don't have to put your life on hold, but it doesn't mean you have to jump into a new relationship right away. Pursue your own interests & goals, but keep that window of opportunity open for her if that's what you really want.

Give her time to get settled into her new career (which sounds like a major challenge in itself), but whatever you do, don't pressure her. Let her know you still care for her & want to be a part of her life, and see if y'all can find some common ground that's comfortable for both of you.

If a long time passes & she's still not interested in a relationship, then maybe it's time to move on. But right now, I'd say that patience is key.

Answer 2

Dude I have been in your shoes well...kinda...This girl and I had a long distance relationship for two years. But when she went to Spain for her junior year abroad things got really tough as the communication simply wasn't there and I was really ticked about it. She ended up saying she could love me no more...*sigh* sorry...I ramble... Bottom line, if she is saying that you should not put your life on hold maybe you shouldn't?

I get the feeling that she is having second thoughts about the relationship especially if she doesn't have a problem with you seeing other people...It's not that she doesn't love you it is the simple fact of practicality...You two have always been apart, separted by distance and maybe she doesn't see that changing anytime soon.

So in her pragmatic mind she feels as if the best way is for you two to remain kind of close but not in love. I get the feeling she is indirectly saying that having a long distance relationship is no longer worth the hassle...If I were you, and if you REALLY do love her, then i dunno...surprise her...go meet her and tell her how you feel. If she still doesn't change then I would say it is time to move on with your life and hope that you have the strength to continue...

Answer 3

Dave, I'm sorry to say, but I think it's time to let go.

First, you're the one that has been with other people, so how can you even wonder what HER deal is? You've obviously been looking for more, for whatever reason. Clearly, YOU can't handle a long distance relationship.

Second, she's realizing that there is more out there than you. You must gush so much when you talk to her that you make her believe that you really want to be together, however she must be putting things together finally that tell her more about you than you want to believe. Meaning, you want to have your cake and eat it too.

Thirdly, if she's telling you not to put your life on hold, she's telling you to move on, she's done with you. This is why you haven't been intimate recently. She's telling you in this way so as not to make a big deal out of it. She clearly just wants to move on without a lot of fanfare--no long drawn out BULLS&@T!

Get a clue, Dave. Get a clue of who you are and what you want, because what you want isn't fair to both parties involved. It's just fair to you.

Answer 4

Call her bluff. You said three time in you question that you are sure she is not cheating. That tells me you secretly believe she might be seeing someone else. I could go in to a great deal of detail here but lets look at the facts. She's in a stressful time in her life. She has made it clear she wants to stay in contact with you. She says she loves you but is not in love right now? That particular feat is impossible. YOU are being set up to be the "default boyfriend". Somewhere over the time you have been together she has identified you as someone she feels is valuable to her. Now hear this and hear it good. WE ALL KNOW IF SOMEONE IS SO IMPORTANT TO US THAT WE ARE NOT WILLING TO RISK LOSING THEM. This gal has just notified you that you have made the list of people she is willing to risk losing. There is no such thing as "lets take a break". Do you know what "lets take a break" is? Thats a less uncomfortable way of saying....I've met someone and he is ringing my bell...but he seems like he might be leaving for Europe in four months....I want to try and see if I can either get him to stay or take me with him. Would YOU please be a dear and stop being my boyfriend for a few weeks while I see if I can do better. If I can't maybe we can get back together and try again.
This woman has almost no self respect and it is translating to her treating you in a manner unfit for dogs.
Surprise her. Tell her "Hey your idea couldn't have come at a better time. I've been sort of seening this nice person that seems to know a part of me no one understands...and I'm wondeing if maybe YOU and I should take a break. " This will throw her off guard because all this time she has been assuming that "SHE" is in control of how things go. Which she has obviously. Trust me on this...as god is my witness...she will play and replay this game for as long as you know her. And you don't want to be married for 23 years and have her approach you with this suggestion. Do your self a favor. Walk away smiling. You are in demand you just don't know it. Here's an idea.....Pose another question. "How many women are looking for a fellow that wants her and her alone so we can spend the coming years working together on life,s little and not so little challenges?" I promise you this....you will be inundated with replies from women from here to the far reaches of the internet that are behind you 100%. It is only natural to want one mate. People who say they want to take a break are really ....breaking up with you in the single most cowardly fashion know to mankind. Give this gal the black rose.
Doc

Answer 5

Have you thought that she has been waiting this long hoping that you would someday ask her to marry her? I know and understand that she is under a lot of stress right now, but think about it. Maybe she has waited for so long and she really wants to marry you and she it tired of waiting on you to pop the question. In addition to the stress of this long relationship, without any further commitment, and her taking the boards it has finally hit the enough mark. She may be saying that she is not in love with you right now because she wants to hurt you. She may feel hurt and she doesn't want to be the only one in that boat.

Answer 6

Both of you need to experience life not together, neither one of you know what it's like to not be the two of you she's 25 just finishing med school taking a huge test that could determine the rest of her future, she's stresses give her space but make sure you support her, tell her you love her, be there for her if she needs to talk if you love her wait for her give her some time if she loves you she'll let you know don't give up on her just please try to understand she's going thru a huge bump in her life

Answer 7

Please do not waste your time on her as she is no longer feel for you. 7 years is a long relationship and any of you could be changed if both of you have not tie knot. I was an example of your gf and sad to say that I'm the one to voice out take a break.

She isn't sure what she wants and she is confused whether still loves you or not. Maybe she needs some comparisons.

Answer 8

Let's see, she's in Med School. How easy do you think that is? So guys should have girls waiting for them while they do Military tours of duty overseas and Med School and etc., but women shouldn't have men waiting for them? Right. Fair's fair dude. And did you say there were cheating issues, but she doesn't cheat? That leaves you. What is your problem, exactly? If the woman is busy you have to find a substitute? This sounds like separation anxiety, testosterone version.

Answer 9

Wow. Tough one buddy. Maybe she knows just how time consuming being an intern will be for her. Is she trying to give you an "out" to avoid the feeling of being "deserted" which will surely come after she starts those 18 20 hour days? Have you thought about all of the personal sacrifice she will have to make too? Maybe downgrade your relationship to great friends and take the pressure off of each of you. Remember.... she will be dealing with people who depend on her to save their lives.... I'm not saying you need to forget her and go find someone else, but give thought to the life changing circumstances about to take place. Sounds like she already has. Just go with the flow right now. DON'T BECOME CLINGY ......Remember ... if you love something,let it go. If it returns to you, it'll be yours for life.

There..... down off my dime store psychology soapbox. Good luck to you. My congrats to her.

Answer 10

It is possible to love someone, but not be in love with them. Can you do anything about the long distance part of the relationship? It is possible that with school ending, she is looking towards the next chapter of her life and does not see it with you and the distance involved. That may help with the situation, but the distance is the real killer here I think.