My 8 year old always wants to be at her dad's. It hurts me like crazy. She always wants to be taken over there early, and then she doesn't want to come back. I tried giving her more time over there, but it got worse, and daddy wasn't spending time with her anyway. She likes to go over there if daddy is there or not. She's got tons of toys there and a stepsister her age. Daddy is out working or doing his own thing most of the time when she is there. He 's a crappy father and lets the kids stay up unsupervised til 3 or 4 in the morning long after they've went to bed. He lets her watch rated R movies, and a couple times she even walked in on him and his wife having sex. But she's obsessed with wanting to be over there all the time, I don't want her going over there at all, let alone any extra. But she asks everyday to go to daddy's, sometimes it's almost constant. What do I do?
2006-06-23 03:23:12 · 16 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
But she asks to go over every single day. I can't cater to that every time, KWIM?
2006-06-23 03:47:05 · update #1
I really do sympathise with you but you gotta let her go - if you don't she will end up resenting you. If you let her go, the older she gets, she will realise that Daddy ain't all he's cracked up to be. Good Luck xx
2006-06-23 03:26:42 · answer #1 · answered by kass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, it's hard to be the mom! The one that tells them to pick up their room and to brush their teeth. The one that has to do most of the discipline and supervise the homework. But it's your role as a mom to do this, is your responsability to teach your child resposabilities and good manners amd is not fun for the kids.
Don't take it personally as child is young and know that at dad's dishes don't need to be picked up, pizza and chips are for lunch and there is no bedtime rules and no discipline. Although is not the proper way to raise a child, kids see this as an opportunity to let go and do whatever they want because they can get away with anything and he won;t do anything about it.
So, don't feel hurt by it, but you might want to try to have some mommy fun time with your child, to make the transiition easier for your child. For example, going to the playground after visitation or going for icecream. Also, perhaps you might be tranasmitting the anguish and frustration of being divorced over to your child by being overbearing, overly strict and maybe angry. Perhaps it's time to relax a little and have some fun with your kid.
Good luck
2006-06-23 03:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation. I have two step children, so I know it can be challenging. I would guess that the toys and stepsister are the big motivators. At age 8 kids want to be with other kids. Consider giving her more opportunities to be with friends at your house. Sleepovers, play dates whatever. That may help. Right now she doesn't realize how absent her dad is, but as she get's older and that realization dawns things will change. Good luck.
2006-06-23 03:31:37 · answer #3 · answered by S W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all - are these facts or reports from the child. As adults protecting our kids we need to know if abuse is happening. Why not talk to the father and his wife and let them know what is happening or what is being said/reported. If they are basis in fact, then act on the facts. What is lacking in the primary home that makes the secondary home more desirable. Toys are just things - perhaps as a caring parent, change the priorities.
2006-06-23 04:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by v20island06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can sympathize with you. It would break my heart if my daughter didn't want to be with me. Anyway, why don't you invite the stepsister to your house for a sleepover. Maybe that's all she wants is to be with her stepsister. Then you can supervise and set bedtimes. She is way too young to be that much out of control. Don't let her go. She is your daughter and has to follow your rules. If dad lets her run a muck then he needs to know that you don't approve. Let him set a bed time and limits, and watch how she comes running back to you. Also, you might want to take your daughter out to a special place of her choice and talk to her. Ask her what makes daddy's house so special? It might be something easy to fix. However, if you deny her then she will want to go there more. Feel it out and GOOD LUCK!
2006-06-23 03:34:40 · answer #5 · answered by charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your that uncomfortable with her being there all the time than perhaps planning outdoor trips with her will keep her busy enough where she wont want to be at daddy's. If he's only suppose to get her on weekends than follow that but if you plan fun time with her that will keep her amused. My step daughter was the same way. Always wanted to be with us all the time. Unlike you her mother welcomed her being over our place all the time. As she got older things changed. She no longer wanted to be with us but with her friends from school. Now we barely ever see her. Maybe once every couple of months.
2006-06-23 03:33:41 · answer #6 · answered by mackey208 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she doesn't want to be around you, and feels that its more fun at Dads. Maybe she feels that she doesn't get to see her father as much as she sees you.
By your comments towards your ex, it sounds like you're trying to sabotage their relationship. "He's a crappy father....." what kind of cheap shot is that? Shame on you for saying that.
Quite frankly, it sounds like you get her most of the time anyways. Why deprive her and your ex from time together? If you do, she may resent you in the future. All children need to have BOTH parents in their lives. Just because you and your ex had issues and don't love each other anymore, doesn't change his feelings of parental love towards your daugher.
Relax, what child hasn't walked in on their parents having sex?
Signed, A Loving Father
2006-06-23 03:31:42 · answer #7 · answered by jason m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably just cause she likes that she has a sister over there. Im sure she gets away with alot over there too.. You should still let her go over there but not everytime she wants too.. Maybe if you took her out alot and have fun with her watch movies with her and etc. she will want to stay at your house more.. You should try that.. heck good luck!!!
2006-06-23 04:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by Crazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give her any extra time over there if he is not providing proper child-care for your child ....I would take her out somewhere to be around kids her age to play with because it sounds like she just likes to go over to play with her step-sister...that or maybe have the step-sister over to your house to play with her? Find out what toys she REALLY likes over at her dads and buy duplicates of them for your house
2006-06-23 03:27:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she really likes having a sister. Especially if she's an only child at home. More things to do at dad's, more fun....just relax and keep it at the scheduled visits, giving more time when you can, and enjoy the free time while she's at dads.
2006-06-23 05:06:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋