Should a wife be submissive to her husband? To the point of not going out with her friends if he's jealous.

Question

It seems like all of my friends who are married are always afraid to ask their husbands if they can do something. I thought a husband was supposed to be your lover and friend. Not your probation officer. Im having a wedding and everyone thought it would be nice to spend a girls weekend out at myrtle beach. The first thing they say is "oh i dont think my husband will let me." I think thats just ridiculous. Women spend 9 months carrying their kids and they cant watch them for a weekend. Thats just lazy. Why would a man marry a woman he cant trust. What woman marries a guy who is so insecure. It sure seems like alot of people. Am i the only one out there with a man thats secure enough to say thats fine honey bring me back a souviner. Dont do anything I wouldn't do. Here these men are going to be with this woman for the rest of there lives. Surely they can spare one damn weekend. Help me out I'm frustrated. Maybe its the brand of friends I'm picking.

Let me explain "girls night out." In other words a bunch of women getting together having fun by swimming, eating, drinking and dancing with each other and gossip. We would be celebrating my womenhood and decision to marry one man whom I love and would not disrespect.Other men are not in the equation. Jealous husbands just assume that. I trust my man and he has his designated guys night out once a week. I know exactly what he does with them. He would know exactly what I would be doing. I feel it is healthy for him to have time to his self. People need a chance to breath and not be predictable. If you lose yourself in another person you become a clone and predictable. No one said you have to drown yourself in your family. You should know you are responsible to them and love them. But it is good for dad or mom to sometimes have time alone with the kids. Your kids get to learn you are individuals with personality. Not just a working, cleaning, cooking, huging object. So whats the deal

Answer 1

It is definately an issue with your friends.
I had dated a guy who did that too- would throw a fit if I was going out to a girls night... imagine the fit he threw when he knew a couple guy friends who were in the area dropped by?! Ugh... glad to have kicked that one to the curb.
I'm definately a girl that won't be restrained, I make that very clear to any guys I see now- this is my life style- I go out with my friends, I might even take a vacation with my friends- deal with it, or I can't deal with you. So no! A wife shouldn't be submissive to her husband- she should have a life of her own!

Answer 2

It's not all about whether or not the woman can be trusted or whether the man is insecure. When you're married, you'll understand this much better. I wouldn't dare ask my husband if I could spend a weekend out of town without him. That's just how marriage is. It is a partnership. It would probably be okay if it were a night out in the town you live in, instead of a whole weekend away. Most women are the foundation of a family. And that's nothing against the guys, and I applaud the men that take care of the kids. But the majority of women are the ones that keep the family's schedule in order, the house in shape, and the kids clean and healthy. A husband and wife work together though. It's a partnership. If one doesn't go, neither go, in cases like this. We do have our times apart, but it's just hanging out with friends for a few hours at a time. The single friends with no kids need to respect that the married friends with kids have more responsibilities and can't just drop everything for a couple of days to go have fun, whether it be the husband or wife. When your friends tell you that they have to ask their husbands or they don't think their husbands would like something, they have good reasons for that. There's alot of things I won't do without talking to my husband about it first. There's also a lot of things he won't do without talking to me about it first. That's what makes a relationship healthy, open, and honest. If you want include your married friends in your fun times, then maybe you should try to plan something that everyone (or at least most people) can do. Go for a girls' night out. No men. No kids. No worries. That way you can all have fun, but the wives and mothers will be back in the morning to ensure that their households don't fall apart.

Also, a lot of men may say that it's okay for their wives to go. But a lot of women wouldn't dare leave all the responsibilities to their husbands. Yes, they could probably handle it, but the wives have done it so long that they're not confident everything will be done right while they're gone. They're the ones that feel like everything would fall apart if they left. I'm one of those. I have to make myself just go to the grocery store by myself because in the back of my mind, I feel like something will appen while I'm gone if I don't take the kids with me.

One more thing, and you'll totally understand when you get more into this situation yourself, but men feel that they have to protect their families. And that includes their wives, not just the kids. If they say it's okay for their wife to go and something happens that's not her fault, then he'll feel like it's his fault. He thinks that if he hadn't let her go, then she'd have been fine. There are several reasons why married people don't just jump to every fun opportunity they have. Not all women see their husbands as probation officers. They see them as partners, as they should. And I know it's very hard for single people to understand that until they are married themselves.

Answer 3

Every relationship is different. I don't feel a woman should be submissive to her husband, and having worked for a Domestic Violence Task Force, have found that more often than not relationships like that are abusive beneath the surface - emotionally, mentally, and even physically. They would never admit the abuse, but trust me it is there. The best thing to do is to find ways of empowering these women, encouraging them to think for themselves and act for themselves WITHOUT putting them in a bad position. It's tricky but it can be done. For your current situation, perhaps you should ask their husbands if you could 'steal' them for the weekend. It also could be a matter of money - maybe they just don't feel it will fit their budget and they are using asking their husband as an excuse to cover the shame of not having the funds. Or maybe the husband is in control of the finances and that's why they feel the husband won't allow it. If it's a matter of leaving children with the husbands for the weekend, perhaps you could organize alternative child care so the guys can also have a 'boys' weekend, or even a 'boys' night.
I hope this helps!

Answer 4

For the record - my wife would laugh in my face if I tried to set limits for her, and I would agree with her. Nor does she tell me what I can or cannot do. We are both own person - and can do what we want, within the limits of our marriage. The one limit is we are faithful to each other. It's hardly a limitation, since we've not been tempted. There is an agreement and trust every relationship should have in order to be healthy for both individuals.
If that trust isn't present, perhaps there is a reason for it? A night is one thing, a weekend away may put too much strain on their relationships.
Have you considered the possibility that perhaps the ladies do not trust their men, and don't want to admit it? Or that they might not even want to leave for a time period that long, for whatever reason?
My wife and I have both used each other as an excuse not to do something.
Take what your friends say and leave it at that. Let your friends decide whether to participate or not - or give them an alternative plan to which they might agree.

Answer 5

No they shouldnt. What kind of lifestyle does your friends have. First you have to think about the children. Can thier husbands handle the children without the wives? I know some husband can do that, but there are other things that we dont really know whats going on inside their household. Is Mrtyle Beach a place where all the single people go? Would the wives let thier husbands go to Mrytle Beach for the weekends? Try asking your friends that question. They'll tell you the truth and probably feel the same way as thier husband. It might be the wives thats feeling insecure if the husband went there. My wife dont have to ask me, she'll tell me where she is going.

Answer 6

Maybe there is more to it than just being submissive to their husbands. Perhaps they really don't want to go? Also, who is paying for this little vacation? Maybe they don't have the money or they are trying to save for something else? If they are involved in your wedding, they are probably spending a bunch of money on other things like gifts and showers also. Lets not forget vacation time. We only get so many days a year to take off and they might want to spend those with their families. Do these girls all know each other, or do they only know you? Maybe they don't want to go on vacation with a bunch of strangers. I suggest you find another way to go out with the girls, like have a girls night out instead of a whole weekend. I think you will get a much more positive response from your friends.

Answer 7

Extremely biased question if I've ever heard one. If you want an honest answer-- don't begin with "Do you think a wife should be submissive in..." The fair question is-- how much time ANY spouse should be spending with their friends outside the home. It's not a matter of submissiveness. When we grow up and get married, life does change and your priority becomes what benefits the two of you and your family. Inordinate concern about spending time away from each other and building relationships with other friends is a problem-- for a female OR male. With that said, an OCCATIONAL outing with friends of the same sex is perfectly reasonable and if a spouse has a problem with that, perhaps then he/she has issues to deal with.

Answer 8

Oh agreed!! It's funny as I went out a few weeks back - and I am married - it was a girls night out. I asked a question on here about whether - if I am asked to dance, should I immediately say "ok, sure -- but you need to know I'm married" or if I should just not say anything. People were answering me like I should NOT go out as I am married and I'll be putting myself in a bad position (of course, that didn't answer my question as I was going out anyway). My husband and I don't have a relationship like that. We just make sure that we have enough respect for each other to let each other know we are safe. That is just common courtesy I think. Anyway, you are so right and these women will be very sorry later. Oh, and it's not "watch" or "babysit" these children - it's called "FATHERING" -- it's their child too. I don't blame you. I'll be your friend but Myrtle Beach is a little far for me. LOL GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 9

These types of things should be agreed upon or understood before you got married. Different people live different lifestyles and have different agreements. One couple may say threesomes are perfectly fine. However, my wife and I say no way in heck.

It's an individual decision, but when in a marriage - it becomes a decision both make together. If you waited until after marriage to make this decision and you disagree, you run into problems and will more than likely need a mediator to get through the decision proccess.

Answer 10

I agree with you. It is a partnership. They are not your Daddy's!! My husband tells me what to do all the time. I let him at first because he married me w/children and I felt I owed him or something. Anyway, I let him get away with this kind of behavior. Now, I am trying to go the other way. I tell him all the time he is not my Dad. Its my own fault, I let this happen. That is exactly what your friends are doing. If a man is given the option, ie being asked if they can go... then he is going to say no. He doesn't want to be stuck with the kids and have to cook for himself. Maybe your friends are afraid to leave their husbands for fear that they may go out and have too much fun. I'd ask them. Then I would maybe get some new friends that weren't afraid of standing up to their spouses. Have fun if you go and good luck!! I'll go!!!lol

Answer 11

No it's not the brand of friend you have it the girls husband. They are sweet and kind with you the whole time until they marry you they have it made. They like control. You see some guy think it is ok for them to be with the guy out night but they feel scared if there wife is out thinking about other guy may hit on them or they will cheat. Some are like this but not all are. If a guy has no trust in his wife..they why did they get married to them. there has to be trust in them. Now if some of your friends are at this stage in time where they can't go out with you and some of the other girls . Don't worrie about it..just go with the girls you have and go out and have fun. It will be there lost not yours..so don't worrie about it