I have been dating this person for 1 year now, and i am scared to meet his 8 month old daughter. for many months i avoided it but today he insisted that over this weekend, we should spend the day together, the 3 of us. He gets her once every 2 weeks and usually spends time with her in his own home. But when she is not aroind he is with me. He feels that i need to be there as i am a big part of his life. But i am scared. Not sure what to do if she does not like me.
2006-06-23 02:18:59 · 18 answers · asked by TalM001 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He was married prior to meeting me, but he was out the door. His wife tricked him into having a child as they were having many problems.She lied that she was still on birth control pills. I had a confrontation with her, and she did admit that he was never ready to commit to her on this level and she did this cause she thought she could get him to stay. but it made things worse. The ex wife hates me as he proposed to me the day after his divorce and he refuses for me to take any contrceptives as he wants a child with me asap. I feel that he needs to bond with his current daughter before we decide to have kids... He and her get on so well, she is always excited to see him and all of their interactions are on video and they look so content together. I just don't want to be a third party.
2006-06-23 02:32:39 · update #1
No, you shouldn't be afraid , shes got to get to know you some how.
2006-06-23 02:21:46 · answer #1 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go ahead and meet the child.Do not try to replace the childs mother but be more a auntie type person or mentor.You must mean a lot to this man if he wants to make you part of his childs life take it as a compliment and be yourself and enjoy the child you may be the step mommy some day.If you ever meet the ex compliment her on how she is doing a great job raising the baby so she doesent feel threatened and cause difficulties in the paternal relationship.Do every thing possible to make the mommy feel secure. You may want to suggest meeting the ex first it is her child also and she may feel better about a stranger interacting with her child if she knows you were courteous enough to meet her and are concerned about her wishes. It takes a lot of trust for a mother to have her child around other people that she doesnt know.
It would be comforting for the ex to know that she is in control of who interacts with her baby. Any good mother would.
2006-06-23 02:28:47 · answer #2 · answered by thomas p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should meet her. She is 8 months, and if things dont work out between the two of you, she wont remember you anywya. The only thing that i would be concerned about is that you have been with him for a year, but how does that work? Did he knock the other girl up and then run? Yeah I know that it takes 9 months to have a baby and so on, so you could have been with him after thier relationship was over, but....
2006-06-23 02:41:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is 8 months old and you guys have been dating a year? Anyway, Yes you do need to spend time with her. He wants you to get to know the little girl because you are apart of his life. Thats a ggod thing. Me and my gf friend didnt meet each others kids until after about 3 months. The ages are 8,7,6 and 5. Trust me it is very hard when they are all together. They didnt like me at first but I think now they do. We want to make sure that things were going to work out. The last thing you want is different people coming and going out of these kids/kid life. Kids get attached to people really fast. You dont want to hurt them anymore than they have alreaddy been hurt. He must thing alot about you. That should be a big step for him. Spend time with her and get to know her. Good luck
2006-06-23 02:25:51 · answer #4 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Maybe be more afraid that you have been dating for a year and he has an 8 month old by someone else. If you get pregnant will he be dating another?
Why hasn't he tried to make it work with the mother? What makes you think he will for you?
These things require hard work and commitment! You can't just cut and run cause it's convenient.
Remember, everyone got a sob story.
2006-06-23 02:25:19 · answer #5 · answered by DaddyBoy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me if she is only 8 months and u want to have this guy around right now is the perfect time b/c later if that little girl gets older and doesnt know u very well she is going to hate u i met my stepson when he was 4 and lets just say our relationship as stepson and step mom is not very pretty and it's not b/c his mom b/c my hubby wasnt with his mom for a long time he left her when the kid was about 1 yr old so u have the perfect chance for that little girl to like u and who knows maybe u will love to have her around too once u get used to her so go for it and enjoy ur time as u 3 get to know each other more
2006-06-23 02:24:08 · answer #6 · answered by JAZY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry too much, 8 month old babies for the most part can't really communicate like/dislike of someone. Sure, some can talk, but most of them will just smile, giggle, frown, grunt, and cry because that's what babies do. You'll be getting to know her as she forms her personality, which is a pretty cool thing! As sure as you're nice to her, and are good to her dad around her, I'm sure everything will be fine. Good luck! =D
2006-06-23 02:23:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you won't be able to assume something from somebody who isn't in a committed relationship. From his perspective, he could experience that he's not the organic and organic father. as a result he feels your baby isn't his duty. He has different issues in suggestions for his money and your daughter does not have an element in that. i'm particular by making use of explaining to him which you're no longer interior the relationship for the money, he would be particular of that by making use of no longer offering you with any. Your daughter being your precise precedence is remarkable to pay attention. yet while this is the case, you ought to assume it from your self and no person else. you won't be able to matter on him. you could in user-friendly terms matter on your self. With expectancies comes dissapointments. I agree that if he needs to alter right into a father then you truly ought to assume him to decide to purchase diapers and although else your baby demands. even however, being a "father parent" may be interpreted to point that he's basically there to play a function and not something extra. His strikes communicate louder than his words. he would be around for the loose intercourse, yet except you have a hoop and a date you could assume no longer something extra. Sorry. perchance you could wath Dr. Laura's video clips on YouTube to get some extra solutions. And have confidence me, in case you tell him what all persons say, he will inform you what he believes you opt to pay attention. yet like Beyonce says, extra clever positioned a hoop on it.
2016-10-31 08:34:46 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be afraid to spend time with his daughter, your boyfriend feels like you are an important part of his life and his daughter is an important part of his life, so it is natural for him to want you to get to know his daughter and for all of you to spend time together. Right now his daughter is only 8 months old, she is a baby, get to know her now and spend time with her and her dad, so in the future she will know who you are.
2006-06-23 02:32:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are correct to stay out of this little person's life for right now. She is really small and she needs to bond with her mommy and daddy, not that you aren't a worthwhile person, but if she develpoed feelings for you right now, it might hurt and confuse her if you and your boyfriend break up. Tell your boyfriend you will be happy to bond with her if and when you get married. Good luck, God bless.
2006-06-23 02:23:58 · answer #10 · answered by The Nag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this age, it is far more likely that she will like you than not. Just remember, he only sees her every other week. Therefor when you spend time with the two of them it has to be all about her. It's her time. If your boyfriend starts expecting you to change diapers and that sort of thing, put your foot down.
2006-06-23 02:36:38 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋