Shall I do it?

Question

i am in a loveless marriage, and i dunno why i m still here. i guess am scared ppl will think that i am a loser. And now i guess i have fallen for another man. we worked on community project and had very little social time together. he's a great guy, very caring. i like him a lot, he's intelligent and very simple. and i know he likes me too...i have caught him looking at me with eyes that touches my soul. u know when he looks at me that way, i feel like i got a bear hug...very comforting. sometime last year, my feelings became stronger, we have never been physical, but i feel so connected to him. i knew i had to get hold of myself and dropped out of theproject. i juz wanted to put some distance. i thot that if he was out of sight, feeling wud go away. so wrong. i juz can't get him out of my mind. i thot i was infatuated but now, i am really scared. i can't get him out of my mind. neverbeen alone with him, nothing physical. when our eyes meet i melt. am so tempted to seek him out..

Answer 1

While your marriage may be `loveless' as you say, the truth is you are making a double issue when you bring this outside guy into the equation. What do you hope to accomplish? Going from your husband to this guy. If your marriage isn't working, you may want to separate from your husband for the purpose of finding out what went wrong BEFORE you engage in a relationship with this new guy. It will be a disastrous decision. Trust me, I am a counselor.

Answer 2

Hell yes !! My fiance was in a completely loveless marraige and I was engaged to an a s s h o l e drunk who was my ' on and off ' first love. We had worked with each other for a year and a half, good friends at that point and nothing else. I knew how he felt and I decided to go for it. Everything is incredible now. He is divorced and we have both never been happier. Had we both stayed in the relationships we were in, it would have been detrimental. You do not feel true love and you need to feel it. It is the most incredible thing. Even if you and this guy do not work out, there is always going to be someone else out there. Never stay where you are not happy. It only makes things worse. Go with what your gut tells you. Ultimately, you know what is best for you. Also, you can't think that people will think you are a loser if you leave your marraige. I am divorced and when my ex husband and I split, it was hard. But we both came around to know that it was for the best. We still talk and get along great. Do what your heart tells you and good luck :) :)

Answer 3

Reading into your question, you appear more infatuated with this new person than in actually asking the question. An infatuation can make marriages seem loveless and life awful.

If you feel you need to make a change then a seperation might be in order. BUT, under no circumstances should you take up with this new person until you have sorted things out and gone through with a divorce if that is your choice. If you don't believe you can do that, then you really have a problem, because no long term good will come of this and you will end up alone and angry.

And don't fool yourself into believing that things will be different for you and this other person. EVERYONE believes that. Good luck with your choices, you have some difficult ones ahead of you.

Answer 4

You are in a loveless marriage and this other man is giving you your out. He has become bigger than life. You have made assumptions that he would be your dream man. He actually might be a nightmare.
It is very important that if you divorc that you do it for yourself not for the other m an, those relationships don't work. The grassi sn't always greener on the other side you know.
If you stay strong and leave your marriage, Are able to stand on your own, Then you can consider this man. In a way you are thinking of him as your way out. Don't do that. You can only stand on your own two feet before you can stand next to this man.

Answer 5

Only YOU can make yourself happy, so do what you have to do. Do not stay in a loveless marriage, no matter what happens with the other guy. Noone will think you are a loser, those who love and support you will look at this as taking a step towards happiness. Why would you want to waste another second being unhappy??

Good Luck!

Answer 6

First, why you married your husband now?

Sometimes we lie to justify our intentions. we can easily say that we don't love our partner just because we fell inlove with another person. But in case that you're in a loveless marriage then have a divorce rather than cheating on your husband. Seek your happiness, but are you the happiness of whom you seek? What do the guy can promise you, marriage? Well still it's up to you, okay? Have a divorce right now then wait for the guy you love to approach you, don't make the first move. It will spoil everything.

Answer 7

WOAHHHHHHHH NELLY! WATCH OUT! I HAD THE SAME THING HAPPEN. YOUR LONELY AND THE GRASS ALWAYS SEEMS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. WARNING: Do you think that the NEW man will EVER be able to trust you knowing your a cheat? If your not happy... don't leave because another man is better... leave because you don't want the marriage anymore and you have TOTALLY done all that you can to make it work. Marriage is hard! Darn hard! that is one of the biggest down falls in today's world... if you don't like him or her, replace it. INSTANT GRATIFICATION! I am telling you... I made this mistake once. It ended up.. the man of me dreams was my nightmare and my ex-husband ... who I thought I didn't love... remarried. I lost! If your really miserable, leave and be by yourself for awhile. You need time to get over the relationship your in, before you jump into another mans arms. That isnt fair to you... or to either one of them. FRANKLY... its cheap!

Answer 8

A cornered animal always seeks an "out" and eventually they find it. I wounldnt take your lover as a REAL love...he is just a catalyst to get you out of an unhappy marriage.

Seek a divorce. Yes I know you have reasons to stay in there ...a comfortzone BUT you only have one life.

If after you have separated and divorced AND had a few flings...if you STILL find yourself wanting THAT particular man and he's still available then go for it. BUT my bet is....if you were single and dating he'd hold no special attention for you.

You only have ONE life...dont waste it in a loveless marriage because I'm sure your hubby could do better too.

Answer 9

I have a radical idea for you. Instead of leaving your husband and moving in or whatever with this other guy, move out on your own and make your own way in life before settling down again.

Once youve acheived TRUE independence you will look a lot more attractive to a man. Stop settling for men you dont love. Love is more than looks that touch your soul. Will he be there for you? Or his looking his forte?

Learn to stand on your own then it wont matter; the right man will come after YOU.

Answer 10

if you both feel ur both not attracted to each other anymore, they separate. when i was 10, all my parents did was fight and i started crying and shouted out loud, Dad, you don't love my mom, then go away. they got divorced a year later. I am not sure if you have kids but if you stay together cause of the kids don't cause they are the ones that get hurt more...

And the other guy. well, get to know him more. when love at first sight happens with no talking, than you might just be sexually attracted. maybe if you guys talk and maybe have something in common, than maybe he is the one. when i met my fiancee my heart stopped and i just had a woosy feeling in my stomach and I knew he was the one. i got to know him and here we are 2 yrs later. so go with ur heart... and good luck!