I cheated - should I tell him?

Question

PLEASE READ DETAILS BEFORE ANSWERING, PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS QUESTION AT FACE VALUE!!

When me and my bf had been together for 6 months, we had a fight, and I went out in town without him. I was angry, and got very drunk (I'm not a very good drinker!)

I couldn't remember anything about the night, until a male friend told me I had slept with him!

He was the one who helped me and my bf get together in the first place, which makes it all the more complicated. He is a friend of both of us.

I really love my bf, and my son has recently started calling him "dad", I really REALLY don't want to lose our realationship over something so meaningless which I didn't even remember.

This is the guy I want to marry and grow old with, please help. I know I should have told him at the time, but I didn't, and I just don't want it to ruin what we have now achieved as a couple and a family.

Our mutual friend would not tell him, as he wouldn't want to lose my bf as a mate.

We don't see him often, as he lives out of town, and recently we see less and less of him.

I do feel used by him, and am trying to keep him out of my life. I just want to be happy and have a peaceful life with my bf and my son.

I HONESLTY say I will NEVER NEVER make this mistake again, my man means the world to me!

Answer 1

You clearly love your bf and want him continually in your like for the sake of yourself and your son.

Are sure are you that this unfaithfullness really happened? Did your circumstances or situtation confirm it? Often, after drinking, so called friends will say "do you remember what you did last night". They are not real friends.

Perhaps the relative absence of drink may help in the future? In moderation it is fine but not safe or good for you if you are forgetting the night before.

I hear you saying that you are feeling guilt over this (possible) event. Your male mutual friend has been no help to you either way here.

if youy are sure that you cheated, beyond any doubt, then you might choose to tell him and, if the relationship is strong enough, it will be resolved.

Honesty, in an atttitude of trust and openess, is a great way to build love.

Finally, take care of any contact either of you have with your mutual friend, he is not being a true friend at all.

regards

Peter

Answer 2

If you know your not a 'good drinker' why get drunk?

Sounds to me like your looking for forgiveness and support! Ask yourself, If i tell him, and he find out later from somewhere, how will he feel? Then ask yourself if i don't tell him and he finds out later how will he feel?

Don't start a relationship based on a lie, it will end up eating you both up, because you seem to want to be forgiven, the only persons who truly can do this is him and yourself.
If he's committed to you, and mature enough he'll forgive you. If he's not and he doesn't forgive you, you weren't meant to be together, don't worry about it, there will be somebody out there who is. And you would have learnt an important lesson. Don't get drunk, don't sleep with other people when in a relationship.

Good luck,

Answer 3

Hello love I agree with all the descision. But It is really truly up to you. I agree that you shouldn't tell for the simple reason. Its always said dont let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Now if in deed you feel guilty about it then do so by all means necssary. But let me give you the insight on that I'm one of those women that would always tell the truth but guess what I stayed single for along time and on top of that I was labeled a whore amongest other things so the answer lies within inside of you who are you really cofessing to your man or Jesus Christ HimSelf. Either way you are still going to have to face the facts so pray for one ask the lord for forgiveness and what to do in this situation he know best because if you tell or your friend tells him eitherway you risk the chance of looseing him and first of all when a man loves you he will be understanding and not so quick to judge you he will sit down and talk to you. because he cares and wants the same thing you do. But if he does get angry its ok but if he isnt man enough to discuss the situation with you and find out what really happend then he is not the man the lord has blessed you to marry. God Bless you for your honesty because he has already forgiven you and even if that man doesnt God has and that is what really matters you will find another man but you won't get a second chance at life. My heart and soul goes out to you. Please think about it before you do this if you know your man like you say you know him then tell him but if you have any doubts then you should keep it to yourself. I agree with Madelene shes right. love you

Answer 4

ur male friend seems to be a real piece of work huh? its understandable that you were angry with your bf after that fight, and people deal with anger in different ways. and it just so happened that you decided to drink. cant be help, what's happened happened,

i think you're doing the right thing in keeing your male friend out of your life....i think perhaps in this case you should see whehter you can live with the fact aht you have been dishonest to your bf. if you cna live with it, then dun tell him IF he's the emotional type. but if he's cool and steady, then tell him because this thing will always be eating at you even way into the future

i think you should really give that male friend of yours a swift kick in the *** for what he did to you, having taken advantage of you. from your question, seems like u really are remorseful of what u've done.

and thats a good start towards healing that will come in time

Answer 5

This is a tough one- perhaps you should talk to your mutual friend and make a pact that your bf NEVER gets to hear of this silly mistake. If your bf does find out, then that will be the end of the relationship for sure!
I do feel sorry for you in your predicament- one silly mistake can truly mess up your life- I only hope that your bf never finds out, or that if he does he is truly understanding. Perhaps your mutual friend would be better off out of the picture.
I truly wish you well and hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

Maybe you should be honest with him, do you think that the guy that you slept with will tell him? It would be awful if he found out that you cheated and lied about it.

Its a really hard situation and i dont envy you but if your honest it wont eat away at you and he wont find out from someone else. It sounds like you have something good going dont blow it by not telling the truth. Do you think that he will forgive you or will he finish it ? Just do what you feel in your stomach good luck i hope its all ok x

Answer 7

if you don't remember it then it may not have happened so don't tell. you will ruin everything. you'll have to live with the guilt but you'll only be dumping that on your bf if you tell him. don't get drunk and don't let this happen again. next time you row do something else. go the gym or anything. this friend is not a friend if he took advantage of you and then made you feel so bad about it. i'd get him out of your life asap. he could be making it up out of jealousy. if he threaten to tell on you then you'll know he's lying!

Answer 8

I think u should tell him if he loves u he may stick with u the trust may not be there anymore it will take awhile to get it back but we all make mistakes we are only human but if he stick with u don't do it again because what u have with him is real just think of it this way if he did it would u get out of his life if u love him as much as u say u do

Answer 9

Hun, I really feel for you here...I would strongly advise you not to discuss this with him...the only purpose it would have is relieving your own guilt...in future, be awar of your alcohol consumption and don't allow yourself to get into this situation again...put this down to a very valuable lesson in life, the lesson being on this occasion that you have recognised what you truly want from this relationship...find a confidante that you can discuss this with, so you are not ridden with guilt for ever...maybe a yahoo friend who is separate from your circumstances and who wont judge you for your actions...I wish you well, hun...have a happy life!

Answer 10

Hello,
In accordance to me you should tell the truth lest in the future this can create a tension in your relationship. Be honest because 'Honesty is the best policy'.