my parents have joined me after their retirement and after 10 years of my marital life. My mother repends for her decision to have joined me on petty kitchen issues with my wife. Similarly my wife. I want give a peaceful life to my parents and live with them as well as my wife. Most affected person on the show at home is my 10 year old son. My parents have to stay with at all costs. can any one tell me a way to make my house a happy home.
2006-06-22 19:29:26 · 14 answers · asked by chappani 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it is a very delicate issue. i guess ur problem is the biggest than both of ur mother and wife.i guess parents at this age are hard to convince so better try to make ur wife understand . after all she has to respect and love ur parents as u r expected to respect her parents. try to indulge her in some activities which can make her feel good and she passes her time in it only or job .once she will be busy she will have no time to fight with ur mom. in this way both will have lesser time to spend with each other. always have a positive approach towards both of them.try to give ur equal time to both mother and wife .
2006-06-22 19:56:38 · answer #1 · answered by nikki 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tough question...I think I would call for a family meeting at the kitchen table . Your son can go watch tv, or play a game in the house while you are about to conduct a meeting (then you know where he is) I would then tell everyone to please let you ..talk ,then they may. Your wife first then one of your parents....No interruptions when one is talking.....Inform everyone that you believe that if your Mom is disagreeing with your dad on an issue, that you leave the room...It's not your business. They need their privacy to talk...Likewise. If you and your wife are in any room of your house having a disagreement, you would expect the same courtesy. from them.. as well...RESPECT....and also if you and your wife were having a moment together discussing something privately, not for anyone to be surprised if you quit talking when they entered the room. It was a private moment. If you want them or your son to be a part of the conversation, you will tell them.....,,it works both ways. your parents will have a quiet moment together ...which all healthy marriages need from time to time,,,without sharing with anyone...Tell them that you are tired of being in the middle of these petty issues...You want to do what is best....You and your wife are still young into your marriage. ..A marriage is between two people, not three or four.............(first b/4 you start, make sure everyone has a coke, or something to drink, and maybe put out a bowl of chips or something to munch on .This will ease any tension in the room ....take it slow. good luck..Maybe Wife and Mom can get to know eachother better..See a movie once a week. And since Mom doesn't have her own kitchen anymore,ask her to please make a dessert once in awhile.Or ask if she would like t make dinner once a week..She may feel like she isn't needed anymore.
2006-06-22 20:04:58 · answer #2 · answered by mom of a boy and girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's your home, you should have a one-on-one talk with your mother and explain to her that the kitchen is your wife's kitchen and if she is invited into it to help, then she can go in and help. Tell her the truth. She and the wife are fighting over petty things that upset the 10 year old and you will not tolerate that in your home. Tell mom she willhave to work this out as she is a guest in your home. Tell wife to back off and pick her arguments with mother in law. Find something for her to do and ask for help from her to make her feel special.
2006-06-22 19:34:51 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are living with you because you are courteous enough to accept them into your home. They need to be aware of that, and to respect that.
If your mother (or father, but he doesn't seem to be a problem here) cannot understand that, then you need to set and enforce boundaries for her -- and remember, if she says "but I'm your mother, you can't tell me what to do" it's quite similar to when you told her "you can't tell me what to do" when you were five. She did it anyway, and so should you.
As for your son: if your mother insists on being a pain, and you won't move her into a home or a guest house, you need to treat her as she deserves: humor, but also some contempt. Teach your child that while she must be tolerated, she does not deserve respect unless she also gives it, and so if she insults someone, laugh and say "you're a horrible old woman!" as if it were a friendly jibe.
With any luck, she will realize that she has lost her power to push you all around, and will give up -- and your son will learn that respect will only be given when it is earned.
Then again, he might learn to show contempt to everyone, so it's a fine line. Better that than learning her methods of annoying and frustrating you, though.
2006-06-22 19:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically stay out of it and let the two of them work it out. You getting involved may cause more problems. You also may want to build them an addition onto your home so that they have their private space and you and your family have yours. This would be alot better for all involved. Hope this helps some.
Your mother also needs to respect your home and your wife as it is her kitchen and your mother needs to understand that she is your wife and that this is her home and that your mom is a guest staying with you. Your wife comes first in your marriage and then your parents.
2006-06-22 23:36:41 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife should be the lady of the house, she is YOUR wife and your sons MOTHER. this is HER home before it is your parents. Maybe you could talk to your wife and mother about sharing kitchen duties etc, such as your wife cooks on certain nights, and your mother on others. When it concerns your son, your mother should respect you and your wifes decisions on how he is raised, and your son should know that you and your wife are his boss.
Your mother has already had her turn at having her own home and making her own decisions with kitchen duties and raising her children. Your wife shuold come first.
2006-06-22 19:35:29 · answer #6 · answered by having_a_blonde_day_lol 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a talk with your mother. She should understand your wife (and sons) space. You three are a family. And/or can you give your parents their own living quarters? Out of 'your' main living quarters? But still close enough to check on them or visit.
2006-06-22 19:40:11 · answer #7 · answered by ppp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your wife and your mother have to behave like adults. if they're fighting over petty kitchen issues it may just be a territory issue. sit them both down and explain to them that the main person who's getting hurt is their son/grandson and to think about that.
2006-06-22 19:35:08 · answer #8 · answered by gonetotallymad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be a good idea to seek therapy together in order to encourage communication and understanding. It's difficult having so many people in one house, it's easy to get under eachother's feet and feel annoyed, which results in silly fights and unnecessary hostility.
You and your family need to learn how to respect eachothers space and to talk about your feelings openly and rationally.
2006-06-22 19:39:11 · answer #9 · answered by Chryss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't even have to ask this question!! Your wife is first. It is her home, not your parents. If they don't like it tell them they can go. You took vows with your wife.....not your parents. Why are men soo stupid when it comes to this topic?
2006-06-22 19:38:20 · answer #10 · answered by thebrat0503 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋