You see, i had known that my husband had two girlfriends before we got married. THe other girl and me. But he chose me and we got married. THe problem is i dont know but sometimes the past is haunting me and i feel bad and i hate the other girl. We had a big fight with the other girl before my marriage through emails and call beacuse she accused me of ruining their relationship. THe thruth is i am the gf of 4 years and she for 2 years. This hapened because my bf now my husband works in manila before. My husband told me yes they became lovers but it never stops him from marrying me because it was me he wants to marry. what happen between them is just a fling. Of course i am hurt by that reality but i guess that's what life is all... Now we are married for two years but at times i feel jealous to the other girl when i remember the past. Help me.
2006-06-22 19:11:21 · 14 answers · asked by Sophia Beatrice 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should not hate the other girl. It seems like your husband (then, your boyfriend) was unfair to both you and her by dating both of you at the same time, and most likely making promises to both of your regarding the longevity of the relationship. He kept his promise to you, broke his promise to her.
Of course, all that is in the past. Or so you hope. Is it that you are jealous, not of the other girl, but feeling insecure (therefore, leading to feelings of jealousy) because you fear your husband is either (1) still having contact with his ex-girlfriend, or (2) likely to cheat on you again, even though you are now married to him?
I think that is the reason for your hateful feelings. In order to avoid directing them at your husband, you are directing them at the girl -- who has nothing to do with your marriage (so you hope!) anymore.
You need to communicate with your husband and get assurance from him that (1) the ex is really and ex; and (2) that he is not and does not plan to see other women now that you are his wife.
Good luck.
2006-06-22 19:20:07 · answer #1 · answered by Randa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, do not feel bad. You're not alone. The issue is not that you feel jealous of the ex and threatened by her. It's that you're wondering why, if she cheated on him and they had such a terrible relationship WHY would he keep this stuff? I've been married for a year and a half. We had a long distance relationship so although I knew a bit about his past I'd never seen pictures or anything like that. After we got married and I would clean, I found pictures from 20 years ago of him and his ex fiance, their house, etc. It killed me because she had cheated on him and even tried to take his house for her and her new fiance to live in. I couldn't understand why he would keep this. I also found cards from old girlfriends dating 10+ years back. Like you, I do anything for my husband and I didn't get why he would want reminders of girls who had treated him like crap. Myself, I got rid off all my pictures, gifts, etc. at the end of every relationship. His story was that he doesn't throw anything out and forgotten they were there, which I'm inclined to believe because you should have seen the house when we moved. He has all kinds of junk dating way back. I too felt like I was the one he settled for, and we've had many talks. Yesterday I laid it all out on the table and told him how I felt. I asked questions and got straight answers. Trust me, the only way is to talk to him because it will eat at you. It has eaten at me for months. Remember too that people change, and the person he was years ago may be different than what he is now. The fact he asked you to help him shows that he didn't have some sinister collection he didn't want you to see. He probably thinks nothing of it or forgot it was there. If this is all that is concerning you with him, you should be able to get past it. Trust me, I am and have been there. The best to you.
2016-03-27 01:44:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay you need to trust your husband there is a old saying if you dont have trust you dont have a marriage. If the other girl is not around it is time to forget her. Now the thing is did he cheat on you? That was not clear for me. If there was 2 at the same time I understand the concern but still if shes not around I would worry about her anyway. But if there was 2 of you at the same time what the heck were you thinking. You should expect problems.
2006-06-22 19:27:30 · answer #3 · answered by Jo Jo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must get over your jealousy. It is going to destroy your relationship. All you can do is love this man with the best you have. Make him feel special, let him know how special you feel that he chose you over everyone else out there. Encourage him when he is down, tell him you believe in him. He can't solve your fears/jealousy. You have to look in the mirror and get happy with the woman you see. He cannot make you happy ... only you can do that. But you can help your marriage by supporting him. You'll destroy it if you question his loyalty to you.
2006-06-22 19:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go, Louie!!!! You can't do a thing about the past; it's out of your control. You're just dragging old dead issues constantly that should be buried. Think of the fact that you are the wife. What happened, happened. He obviously loves you. Put you mind at ease and find something to worry about that you can control. You're wasting your time feeling jealous. Let it all go!
2006-06-22 19:16:54 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to let the past go! The past is gone and is never coming back - you need to concentrate on the future. This woman that your husband has a relationship with isn't in his life now, so why are you worrying about her? She is long gone in the past - leave it alone. Concentrate on you and your husband, not some woman he was with long ago.
2006-06-22 19:14:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He married you! And it is only human nature to feel jealousy over an old girlfriend of his..He would probably feel jealous over an old boy-friend of yours..You need to move on with your life.Quit thinking about the past...Do something special for him today. .Start by writing him a note that said " I love you". write something everyday, just a few words...like meet me in the ? at a certain time...make him his favorite meal....Keep it interesting. don't wear yourself out ...once a week or whatever ..and besides....jealousy is an innocent form of love......
2006-06-22 19:26:37 · answer #7 · answered by mom of a boy and girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you marry someone who was cheating on you for two out of the four years before the marriage?? I sure as hell wouldn't. If he could cheat on you before getting married, he'll sure as hell do it again because he knows he can walk all over you and get away with it.
2006-06-22 19:49:54 · answer #8 · answered by smurfette_au2000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's time to Bary the hatchet. Get over it, life is to short to be dwelling on the past. Enjoy your life with your husband remember he picked you. You won!!!!
Have a great life.
2006-06-22 19:19:48 · answer #9 · answered by angels 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is your right of passage sweetie. Regardless of the pass it still can cause problems in the future. You are intitled to those feelings.
2006-06-22 19:16:03 · answer #10 · answered by Twila E 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋