I know this sounds gutless but basically this is the situation.My girlfriend and I used to date back in 2002-2003..although we were only 16 back then. There were issues with her own mental state, distance (we live about an hour or two apart) and the like and in the end I ended it - it seemed best at the time. I know that was gutless but I thought it'd help her too - she hated the distance. We were apart for over two years until last year, we talked again, a lot had changed and moved on - and we ended up back together. I knew it was going to happen - but my past has come back to bite me too...I hurt her one hell of a lot more than I ever even thought it would...and she did things in return to hurt me. I wanted to face it and work through it - so I'm going to see her this weekend. She's going to tell me all though said it will hurt, will be honest and will be a lot of things I just don't want to hear. I know it'll hurt but I have to face it -I just need some help building up the courage?
2006-06-22 19:08:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I know what I did was wrong but I was young and naive at the time and thought it was best. I offered to face it - she wanted to talk but didn't want to hurt me - I said I wanted to face it so she'd feel better from having it out. I have to and need to - there's no way I'm going to pike out but I just need some help in a way building up the courage...to deal with what I don't want to hear? I mean, I might be going overboard but I don't know yet. Just help with how to listen, what to do/say and how to face it...even though it sounds cowardly.
Thankyou in advance.
2006-06-22 19:10:33 · update #1
She tells me continously how much it hurt her and I know...but I'm almost finding it frustrating and irritating that she won't even try to let go but keep at me for my mistake...I mean, yes, I made a mistake - get over it? I know this isn't helpful though to say...so I'm guessing I shouldn't.
2006-06-22 19:17:18 · update #2
So far wanted to say thanks all - all makes sense to me and your right, I just need to give her closure even if it feels like a kick in the nether region it's hardly the end of the world...
2006-06-22 20:44:00 · update #3
Well, all it is is payback. She just wants to hurt you. Sounds like she hasn't grown up or changed much. Your best bet would to just not have her in your life. Good luck.
2006-06-22 19:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, accept the past.
How to accept the past? it is normal to recall the past or even heard about the past, especially those sad ones, once brought up you will feel your heart starts wilting, you frown adn you felt suffocated.
This is not accepting, and no matter how many times it was brought up, if you , are not going to learn to accept it by seeing it as past is past, let go of it and see the bright side by hoping there is always better solution, then you are bound by it forever, trapped in the whirlpool and cannot come out.
talk it out, what are the things you hurt her and she hurts you. Don't take the blame and make yourself worse.
be straight, to a point that both can communicate thoroughly and not running away or pissed off halfway the conversation.
if you don't want to hear and face, let's not tlak and let the doubt forever kept in your heart ; if you dont' want this kind of situation to drag you both and worsen the relationship, go out and face it man !!!
may it tear you apart and may it broke your heart, at least you get it clear. otherwise you either regret, or lose confidence.
if you really like her, and want ot be with her, learn how to communicate, how to handle the relationship between you 2 and make ways to enhance the relationship.
but first, face it ; then only there will be next step and you can see where you are going.
be brave boy !! it is not as worse as asking you to go out to the battle field and you would die.
2006-06-22 19:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by nefinxi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, this weekend you're going to get a cram course based on how cruel you can be.
It's hard to become wise and compassionate, but this kind of nightmare embarassment is the only way.
BTW, you already have enough courage. The hurt and the shame will pass .... if... you learn from what you did.
2006-06-22 19:18:09 · answer #3 · answered by urbancoyote 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen bud,
Everyone makes mistakes in life. Some we wish we could change in this case im guessing you wish u never hurt her.
If you like her, and she likes you, try it out again, be loyal and tell her youll never do harm.. tell her you were simply confused.. Which at 16 isnt everyone?
2006-06-22 19:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by polen2008 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the lady needs closure. Be the man. Give her what she needs.
2006-06-22 19:18:31 · answer #5 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude.... i think its time to let go and move on...
2006-06-22 19:14:23 · answer #6 · answered by Mizz Pattie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋