My wife cheated on me before we were married and had a son......we been together since he was 2 months old....I adopted him and raised him till now( he is 15)
Once again my wife is cheating and I moved outa state and my son and daughter want to come with me.. Problem is my wife is threatening to tell him the truth to get him to stay with her... What do I do? I love him as if he was my own....check that....he is mine!
2006-06-22 18:35:26 · 21 answers · asked by DeeK 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sweetheart, he IS your son for all intents and purposes. Tell him the truth. He's older and even if he reacts badly, chances are that he will come around. If you tell him, then the vindictive wife has not ammunition. He has a right to know the truth as well. Just be sure to tell him how much you love him. He loves you, you're the only father he's ever known. Break it to him gently and give him time to recover from the shock. God speed, friend.
2006-06-22 18:43:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
He's your son and your love him. (The biology doesn't matter)
But I'm disturbed that your wife was willing to hide the truth from your son when it served her purpose. The motivation behind her reasons for now telling him the truth makes me question the depth of her love for her son. It's disturbing.
She cheated. She created a son. She was lucky that she was married to a man that (1) forgave her (2) loved this child as his own and provided a loving father/son relationship for 15 years.
But, it's not about her or you. It about your son. Probably the truth is your best bet. But maybe some professional guidance on how to break the truth to him might be in order. This will be very traumatic for him,
I have a relative who was raised for 18 years by a man he thought was his father. He found out that his father was not his "father". Although there were a few troubled years after the truth came out, they now have a very strong, loving father-son relationship. Professional help might lessen the blow and provide guidance on how to help you and son deal with this.
I can't imagine a mother, who would exploit this situation to get her way.
2006-06-23 02:46:55 · answer #2 · answered by crazhaz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish that now..wasnt the time that this all had to come out. He's probably dealing with enough.. with his parents splitting. She's a dirty bi tch using this to hurt BOTH of you. He needs to be told. Preferably.. by you. If she would use this to get you upset, there's no tellin what else she might say to turn him against you, so that he might go with her. I cant believe a mother would want to hurt her child this way. What were you doin with an evil woman like this for so long. If the split between you and were wife wasnt happening.. then now..not earlier would have been a good time to tell him. Now that he's old enough to understand.. any earlier and he may have just been confused. Too bad you have to tell him at all.. he's YOUR son.. no matter what a blood test proves.
2006-06-23 02:22:32 · answer #3 · answered by spurdom28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, one of you has to be the adult. At this point in time I don't understand why your wife would choose to rip the rug out from under your son's feet by telling him anything like this. By all accounts you ARE his dad. Adoption is a wonderful thing. You CHOOSE your children with adoption. You have as much legal right to your children as she does. In most states when a child is 14 they can choose who they want to live with.
You haven't mentioned whether divorce is on the horizon but even so, you have parental rights. Don't play into her threats and don't talk bad about her in front of your kids. That will pay off in time to come.
Good luck.
2006-06-23 01:47:20 · answer #4 · answered by mojo52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your son and daughter both at the same time, make sure that he knows how much you love him, and want him, no matter what, your son is 15 yrs old, and I think he will be able to understand it better if it comes from you then from his mother, but no matter what you do, make sure he understands that even though he isn't your biological son, that he is your son no matter what, and that you will always love him, and since you did adopt him, I assume, that you have all the papers and stuff from the court, that does make him your legal son, therefor, if he wants to go with you, then no court is ever going to deny that wish
2006-06-23 01:41:43 · answer #5 · answered by dahorndogd013 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel, but you have to make the decision yourself...for I have never walked in your shoes! Since your cheating ex-wife is threatening to tell your son the truth,,,just go ahead and tell him..I think he'll stay with you! start out with ...."son, could you sit down with me, i have something that might be important to you....but don't you have custody of him? or not?....
2006-06-23 01:40:34 · answer #6 · answered by sweet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your name on the birth certificate? If it is, then you are his legal father. You can sue for custody and if he is 15, his opinion of where he wants to live will be taken into consideration. (I say taken into consideration because he IS still a minor, and it is up to the judge ultimately.) Each state is different, but I would advise speaking with a lawyer specializing in Child Custody. A lot of lawyers will give you a brief consult for free prior to taking the case.
2006-06-23 01:40:00 · answer #7 · answered by April P in KS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HONESTY IS THE ONLY POLICY WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CHILDREN. He will find out. The fact that you choose to be his father is proof you love him, most parents don't have the choice. He will be really pissed at first, because he will be questioning everything he thought was real in his life. He is going to need a of love and support to get thorough this from you and his mom. It doesn't matter that she's a whore. You are both still these children's parents that should come first.
2006-06-23 01:43:46 · answer #8 · answered by loveorlust06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him first. She is only wanting to tell him to be cruel to you, but if you are honest and let him know what is going on, he will have a better chance to make the right choice.
You are his dad, and always will be. He might want to know where his blood came from, but you are still his dad.
I hope everything works out for the best. Just make sure when you tell him it is for his benefit and not your own.
2006-06-23 01:41:53 · answer #9 · answered by Jolie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right you raised him and he is yours. You are what he knows as a dad, therefore you are his dad. Just because you are not his real blood that means nothing. It takes more than blood to be a real dad and step up to the plate. He needs to be told. He should of been told sooner. As a child I was in this similar situation. But I was told at a younger age.
2006-06-23 01:40:45 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋