my duaghter died tuesday and he wants sex already and another kid?

Question

im 16 and so is he and our 5 day old duaghter died tuesday should he want all this so soon hes not even acting like we had a child

Answer 1

boy, are you going to tolerate that??

Answer 2

Leave him! He obviously doesn't care about you or the baby you lost. A REAL daddy wouldn't be thinking of replacing a child he lost. Besides, you are only 16 and you need to be finishing school and getting your life in order before you have kids. He won't be there for you. Please don't have another.

Besides, you just had her at home 2 days ago, yet got the call from hospital that she died on Tuesday while you were at work(5 days after having baby) Sorry but I think I have to say that I'm having trouble believing your story. Besides...who has a nickname about eminem shot baby. Get an education idiot!

Answer 3

First of all I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, I know that you must be going through such a tough time, as well as the father of the baby, many people feel that having another baby right after the loss of one, will help in the healing process, but you have to both make this decision together, it is something that not many people have to deal with so maybe you should both seek some counseling, there is nothing wrong with that, someone from the outside looking in can offer unbiased help to both of you. I know I would surely look into counseling if I were in your situation, just think it all through. God Bless you and your boyfriend sweetie.

Answer 4

Im so sorry for the loss of your child.
Don't worry to much about your bf wanting to do that , it's normal im sure. Thats his way of comforting himself, even though it's selfish, but men are selfish. Plus he's only 16 and men take a ,lot longer than women to mature. You need to tell him to give you some time to mourn, that his cuddles would be more more appreciated and try to explain to him that you are just too sad for sex and you want to try and have another baby later on. All the best.5 yrs time would be great cause 16 is pretty young, live life as a kid a bit longer .

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe your bf hasn't grasped the reality of the situation. You take your time to grieve, you don't have to rush, go according to your pace. But let him know that you're not ready for it just yet, that he should give you time. I hope your friends and family are there to support you because it is a hard situation to deal with, no matter what the age.

But just a thought, I think 16 is too young to be having a child. You have your whole life ahead of you. And he is 16 too. So why not settle into the relationship first? Establish goals, finish school, get a decent job so you can provide properly for your future kids...

Answer 6

When we are confronted with a loss such as yours, the first impulse is sometimes to reaffirm that we are still alive, one of the ways people do this is to have sex. Few things make us feel more alive than the sexual experience. This is just one way people deal with grief.

As for wanting another baby, he may feel that he can "replace" your daughter which we know that he can't. Due to the fact that this loss is so new and he is so young, don't fault him for what he thinks may soothe your pain (and his.) He probably thinks that a new baby would fix everything; it won't.

Having sex right now would be a dire mistake. Your body has not healed from giving birth, you could risk more damage and infection by doing so. Besides that, 16 is too young to have to deal with all the emotional baggage that comes along with having sex. Just because you have had sex before doesn't mean that you have to continue to do so with your boyfriend or anyone else for that matter.

Your number one priority should be healing: physical, emotional, psychological. My advice to you and your boyfriend would be to enter into grief counseling ASAP, if he won't go, go without him. Your parents, doctor, clergy or any trusted adult should be able to help you to find a counselor.

I strongly recommend that instead of focusing on more babies, focus on yourself. Finish school, look into college or trade school. Make a life for yourself before you start making new life. Your future children will thank you for it.

My condolences to you for your loss. May you find peace and healing.

Answer 7

I am so sorry of your baby let him know your need to grief and have time to heal through the process and the both of you are so young I know your thinking yeah what ever I was your age at one time I am 26 years old and have a 3 children and don't regret them but I wish I would of waited until I was of age It is so hard to raise a child when your that young I missed my prom an high school and now bettered my self for my childrens sake. All my friends had kids young but greif first and then think about what is important you are smart and will make the right decsion and hope you get threw everything and have support. He need to worry about you and himself before sex you have your whole life to have sex that's not the only thing to worry about you nees to take care of your self god bless!

Answer 8

Different people cope with grief in different ways. Losing a five day old daughter is a horrific experience; my sister lost her daughter after seven days. You have all my sympathy.

As for his behavior, it might be that he is in denial, and trying to convince himself that it's no big deal. It's also possible that he's incredibly insensitive and feels nothing.

Here's the thing: it doesn't MATTER which it is, because what's important right now is how YOU feel. Don't have sex, don't have another kid, not right now. You need time to grieve, and you should take that time.

As for him: if this is him being in denial, then it's a terrible time to have a child. If this is him being insensitive, then he's a terrible person to have a child with.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie. :-(

We all cope with grief in different ways. I'm sure he feels the loss of your baby as much as you do, but doesn't know how to handle it. Also a 16 year old male is not as mature as a 16 year old female. I think you should hold off having sex as you could get pregnant very easily after just giving birth to a baby.

You need some time to grieve the loss of your baby daughter and come to terms with it, before you're ready to move on to the next child. While you could talk about your feelings with him (doesn't sound like he wants to listen?) I would suggest you talk to your parents/siblings and any other support you have and let them help you deal with your boyfriend.

Also contact the hospital and let them put you in touch with one of their social workers who could perhaps offer counselling to both you and your boyfriend.

Answer 10

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. You all are in my prayers.
Secondly, medically you shouldn't be having sex this soon after giving birth. Doctors recommend waiting 6 weeks.
And lastly, both of you need time to grieve your loss before making any decisions about having another baby. Try speaking with a trusted adult or counselor to work your way through this sad time.

Answer 11

Was this a planned or accidental pregnacy? He is very selfish of wanting to meet his needs. Moving too quickly is his way of closure. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and I'm sure that he'll understand. Not only that you are suppose to wait at least 45 after giving birth before you have intercourse again so that you can prevent any type of infection. Unfortunately, he hasn't grown up and you may want to think twice this time before you have kids with this kid.