How to maintain a good relationship with my in laws?

Question

my wedding is fixed in few months time... n am quite upset with my in laws coz they are doing some of the things for the wedding as how they wan it to be not as how i liked. They are the kind of people who think what they think and do is the correct thing... so they don accept any ideas or advice. So how to maintain a good relationship with them after my wedding and at the same time i don wan them to make my marriage life misreable?? i don wan them to make decision or expect me to follow their rules after the wedding. I do respect them but at the same i don wan to be get hurt by pleasing them.

Answer 1

this is YOUR wedding not theirs. tell them how you feel, calmly with out being forceful about it. let them know your feelings are being hurt because they are controling what is supose to be YOUR day.

Answer 2

What are the inlaws responsibilities for the wedding? Are they financially supporting the event? What types of things are they doing that you do not agree with? What are your parents responsibilities for the event? Are they financially supporting the event? Are your families finances supporting your inlaws wishes?

What kind of decisions can your inlaws make for you? What kind of rules can your inlaws make you follow? Why do you feel that they have so much control over you? How young were you whenever you met your inlaws? Have you kinda grown up with your husband?

What could your inlaws do to make your married life miserable?

Your fiance's parents HEART is in the right place, I have to believe. They wouldn't be taking such an active role in your lives, if they did not want what is best for both of you.

I understand your feelings. They are completely legit. I think most of us have been there. The last thing you want to do is fight with them. If there is something about your wedding, life, etc. that is real important to you, then you need to have a heart to heart with them. You don't want to beat your fiance up about it. No good comes from complaining about your lover's parents.

I am still curious what they are making you do during your wedding. Why they have that control...and what you want to do that is different and why there is no middle ground.

Could you elaborate?

Answer 3

there is a difference in respecting others and not letting people walk all over you. You need to put these people in their place, without being disrespectful. Just politely tell them that you do not want your wedding done this way. Expect them to be hurt and insulted but that isn't your fault. If you give into them whenever they have a pout cause they can't get their own way they will emotionally manipulate you for the rest of their days. My in laws were the same and in the end they cut themselves off to us, they would have broken my marriage and home if I had let them walk all over me. You sound like a soft person and so am I, so people take advantage of that.

Answer 4

If what they are doing for your wedding is not to your liking but at are acceptable and in good taste also, you might as well let them do what they want to do. But if they are completely unacceptable from your own point of view and continuing them may destroy the essence of a good wedding, feel free to tell them what you think is right. A wedding is a glorious occasion for a woman and it should be successful in all its aspects from gowns to reception.

As much as possible, avoid having conflict with them about your wedding plans. After the wedding, if you and your husband could afford to live in your own house or a rented one, it would be better for both of you.

No matter how one will try not to have conflicts with his or her in-laws, the possibility for this to happen is greater when you either live with your family members because it is your husband who will have to adjust to them or when you live with your in-laws because you yourself have to adjust to them. So, it's better if neither of you live with your in-laws.

To avioid conflict with them, just be a very good wife to their son and respect them and even love them, if you can, as your own parents. Help them in any way you can and be sincere in your dealings with them. Always remember the golden rule which is "
Don't do unto others what you wouldn't want others to do unto you." Observe this rule carefully and you'll never go wrong. Best wishes in advance and Good Luck.

Answer 5

You need to tell them what you just said here. Remind them that you are very appreciative of them and what they have been able to do. Then remind them that this is your wedding and not thiers. At the same time, if they are paying for everything, and you are not paying, suck it up. They actually do have the right, because it is thier money and generosity that have been providing for the costs. The only thing to do in that case is to postpone the wedding until you and your fiance can afford to pay for it yourself.

Answer 6

I think the best way to deal with the in laws is to be nice and cordial...but let your significant other deal with them. If you ever cause any problem due to something you said, they may never forgive you and it could make the situation ugly.

However, if your SO calls them on something or picks a fight with them, it's ok because they could never hate them due to being family. So, if you ever have any concerns regarding how they are treating you or interfering with your lives, let your SO stand up for the two of you. This goes for both sets of parents.

Answer 7

Get hubby in on the picture here and both of you put your feet down as to what you want. Of course, do it graciously, cordially, and firmly. If you don't get some steel in your spine now, what do you think will happen after marriage and baby? Perhaps a relative can intervene on your behalf if hubby won't help. Good luck,dear.

Answer 8

never live close to them. my mother inlaw is a neat freak. i have 2 kids 7 and 5 and i work and am away from my home 10 hours a day. when she comes she cleans until you could eat off the floor and reminds me that i need a house keeper. so my advice is don't live any closer than you have to. oh yeah just remember this one.... you see how they are now it will always be like that. don't expect them to change.

Answer 9

Having experience in this department....I found the best way to deal with the situation is honesty....just explain to them that is not how you would do things and not how you are going to do it....it is your life and you and your husband are going to make your own decisions and you are sorry they do not agree but it isn't their decision to make....don't be nasty, just firm in what you are saying....it will get easier as time goes by....if you don't stand your ground at first....it will be harder to down the line.

Answer 10

After several difficulties with my in-laws. My husband and I made a deal.

He deals with his family; I deal with mine.

For us, what that means is: When it comes to his family, he accepts/rejects the invitations so that I'm not the one saying no when in actuality, he's the one who doesn't want to go.

If, in his presence, someone in his family says something rude to me, he speaks up and defends me.

Blood is thicker than water and the family member will be forgiven however it is way to easy for an in-law to become the "out-law".

Have your fiance deal with his parents now. If he doesn't stand up to them now, he probably never will. If however, it is their $$$ that you are spending on YOUR wedding, shut up. The one with the GOLD makes the rules!

You'll never please them. So, please yourself, then you'll know at least one person who's happy. :-)

Answer 11

IF YOU WANT YOUR WEDDING TO BE THE BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE, YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOUR WAY. YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS TO YOUR LIKING NOT YOUR IN LAWS, HAVE YOUR HUBBBY STEP IN AND TELL THEM TOGETHER THIS IS HOW YOU WANT IT BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE BUT WE WOULD LIKE IT THIS WAY. HAVE YOUR HUBBY DO MOST OF THE TALKING AND ONCE IN A WHILE STEP IN AND SAY WE LOVE YOUR ADVICE BUT FEEL WE SHOULD DO IT OUR WAY AS IT IS OUR WEDDING. LET THEM KNOW YOU APPRECIATE EVERYT5HING THEY ARE DOING FOR YOU BUT THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. HOPFULLY YOU WONT BE LIVING WITH THEM OR NEAR THEM . SO YO UCAN DO WHAT YOU WANT. I HOPE YOUR HUBBY HAS BACKBONE AND WILL STAND TO THEM FOR YOU. YOU MUST DOTHIS NOW SO IT WONT GET TO BE TOO MUCH AS THE WEDING IS CLOSER. GOOD LUCK.