Ok, here is the deal. My boyfriend is married. Now don't think that I'm a home wrecker or anything, cause I'm not. He is a good friend from high school. Him and his wife were dating and she got pregnant, and they ended up getting married. Well, she never could keep a relationship, so less than 2 years after they were married she had left him twice and ended up pregnant by someone else and then left him. He has been taking care of his son by himself for over 2 years now. We started dating 6 months ago after my daughter was born, which is not his, just to verify. Anyway, he has been trying to get a divorce and the state of Iowa won't give him one unless they go to marriage counseling. There is absolutely no way they would ever get back together. She just had her second child with her current boyfriend, which brings her up to 4 kids now. What kind of advice can I give him to help him figure out what to do? I'm stumped. PLEASE HELP ME!!!
2006-06-22 16:37:23 · 10 answers · asked by Sassy Mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To let everyone know, they already have a deal set up for their son. He has physical custody and is pretty much the sole provider.
They refuse to give him a divorce without the counseling. She lives in MO and he doesn't want anymore to do with her than necessary. I'm pretty sure they have to pay for the counseling themselves, too.
Also, him and I only have one child each and are the primary caregivers of our children, which is more responsibility than some people want. Plus we are willing to help raise each others kids. His wife is the stupid one who doesn't use birth control. She has had 4 kids in the last 5 years.
2006-06-22 17:36:28 · update #1
I would have him check with a family lawyer to see if you can get a court to give him a waiver of the counseling requirement since she is having children out-of-wedlock and probably not residing with him. It will probably involve paying the state some money in fees. Worth a try.
It sounds like he needs you as a friend to help him through this mess. I would be careful of your heart and take care of yourself until he releases himself from this marriage and you know what his obligations are to this woman and his child.
2006-06-22 16:49:52 · answer #1 · answered by Denise C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow i sure can see why this is soooo complicated. Number one he needs to divorce his wife if he does not love and want to be with her anymore. He never should have married her just because she was pregnant either for goodness sake. He really needs to let her go and divorce her and then once the divorce is final he is in the free and clear at least in the worlds eyes to be with you. Well also if that is the law in Iowa he had better go to marriage counseling with her first and then after that there is no resolving or putting the marriage back to gether then he is free and clear to divorce. I actually like that law and wish there were more states with it... Makes alot of sense to me.
2006-06-22 23:47:20 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine a state with that requirement, but he should just do it if he wants the divorce. Marriage counseling only works if the people want it to and it may help them be better parents for their children. But I believe he needs to take care of all this stuff before you and him make any plans, because technically he's a married man.
2006-06-23 00:04:57 · answer #3 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can he file for divorce in a different state? I applaud the state for its rule and pro-marriage stance. However, if what you wrote is exactly right, it seems that you two are in a hard place. If neither party are interested in marriage counseling does he still have to go?
2006-06-22 23:44:41 · answer #4 · answered by atmjay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling doesn't mean they go together to it. It means they complete a program that also includes how to deal with the children. Its not a hard thing to go through and he needs to finish up his last relationship.
2006-06-22 23:43:43 · answer #5 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really wants to end it, he should just suffer thru the counseling. Going thru the counseling doesn't mean he has to get back with his wife. Sometimes we have to do crappy things to get to the pot of gold at hthe end of the rainbow.
2006-06-23 00:11:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good ******* God. Has anyone in Iowa heard of condoms? Pulling out? Jeez...how about you guys have a kid, get married, get divorced and have another kid, then have kids with someone else?
2006-06-22 23:47:16 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. O'Clock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he shouldn't have married a whore....whats wrong with your man??? what you need to do is smack him upside the head to knock some sense into him then send him to counseling with or without his baby mama...counseling doesn't have to be for them to work on things, can be just to appease the court....maybe the counselor will teach that idiot about whores
2006-06-23 00:40:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about all of you getting some responsibilities and stop having babies? What's the hell is wrong with you people?
2006-06-22 23:45:23 · answer #9 · answered by sacredmud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm well leave him alone
2006-06-22 23:41:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋