Should I divorce my husband who does not find me sexually attractive anymore?

Question

We are married for 3 1/2 yrs now & have a 3 yr old son. I put on some weight after my giving birth so my husband has lost interest in me & refuses to have any kind of physical interaction with me , not even a kiss!! is that fair!! I think he doesn't love me anymore & refuses to even discuss about it with me he says he has comprimised & wants me to also. what should i do.

Answer 1

This is a tough one. We'd all like to believe that when in love looks do not matter. Well to an extent that is true, but it has it's limits. The truth is people are attracted to what they are attracted to and that is that. I don't know how over weight you've gotten so it's hard to say if he's being overly picky or not (maybe he is). Maybe he's also being a hypocrite and he's fat also?

You're not going to like this answer but I think you should lose some weight. You should care about how you look. I think it's wrong to let yourself go and then get mad at your husband for not being as attracted to you as he was. If you think about it that is not very fair to him either. You should want to be sexy for him and he should want to be sexy for you. Maybe you could both join a gym. Go to this site and find out how much you need to lower your calories to lose weight and stick to it. It's one thing if it was something you had no control over but this is something you can do change. Plus you'll feel better about yourself and you won't be a divorced mom looking for dates.

http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm#

Answer 2

Critically, you have each correct to get out. Do you may have family or buddies? You may be suprised who will support you. If now not try a church. Do not spoil your lifestyles over someone that you simply can't stand being with. I am curious does he have some thing in customary with you? You can also want to determine why you went there in the first situation. Some times individuals get confused in the begining of the connection and suppose the euphoria. Then after it wears off they're harassed. Look into what attracted you in the first place. He will not be the dangerous person. You might not be completely satisfied with who you're. Dont' let this happen again. Existence is simply too quick.

Answer 3

Look at most of the answers from female responders. A common thread is that they feel they are entitled to a man being sexually interested in them. This is Oprah inspired, female-centered selfish nonsense. A woman needs to hold a man's interest, or he will lose it.

That isn't easy to hear. Its not politically correct. But its true. You need to make yourself attractive to him.

You say you put on some weight after you got pregnant. Its obvious you haven't taken it off - and that was over 3 years ago! What if your husband stopped batheing and never brushed his teeth? Would you find that attractive? Be honest: wouldn't you complain about being forced to have sex with him?

He's still with you. He supports you. But sex is sex - it needs to be attractive. It sounds like he did it "as a chore" for a while, waiting for you to lose the weight. But you never did, and you have exhausted his patience.

Don't fool yourself: there is no reason you can't get your figure and looks back to where they were before you got pregnant. But you have CHOSEN not to do so, and here you are blaming that poor slob who married you and is sticking by you even now! Why do you expect, why do you need your husband to say to you "Dear, you've become too fat for me - I find your rolls a complete turnoff."??? HE doesn't want to say that! He's trying to be kind - yet YOU still blame HIM! Who has really given up on the sexual part of their marriage, you or your husband?

If you really want to know if this is true, ask another question, in the form of: "Am I attractive? I'm 5'2" and 155 lbs. - am I too large?" Say what your height and weight is - and you might realize most guys wouldn't give you the time of day. But your husband is willing to pack it in and stay with you and your son. He loves you - don't blame him!

These are hard truths. Don't shoot the messenger.

Answer 4

It is obvious that he is having either a physical or emotional relationship outside of your marriage. Many men are sexually put off when their wife/sexual mistress becomes a mother because then they feel that they are no longer the person that you have your attention turned to. You are spending a lot of attention and time with your son and your husband has felt left out. Make him responsible for child caring more often. Let him find out that sleep deprivation will cause a person to gain significant weight. I have been there myself.
If all that matters to him is the size of a woman and there is no emotional connection between you, if at all possible, get out now before he totally will destroy your self-esteem. What may happen is you will get your "hunting body" back as soon as he is out of your life and has stopped making you feel alone and worthless. There will be many more men interested, believe me.
Take it from someone who has been there, he is having an affair or several affairs with someone or many someones at work. It is always at work. It may not be physical yet but it certainly is emotional and his actions are disrupting your marriage. Either get a counselor or a private detective and put him to the test. If he refuses to see a counselor, he is definitely having a sexual affair. He is kissing someone else. This has nothing to do with you. It only has to do with his lack of manliness and I take it you were pregnant when you got married. So, he probably likes to tell his girlfriends how you set him up and trapped him and man, those young, stupid girls really fall for that little sympathy trip he needs from them.
Give him up, keep your son at all costs, never talk to him or see him again, and get on with your life NOW. If you don't you could end up damaged and cynical like me for the rest of your life.
I think you are really courageous to ask for and accept advice about this situation.

Answer 5

Why is the answer divorce?
Why don't you two talk about it or see a marriage consular? You need to figure out why he isn't interested. Before you jump to the easy way out of divorce, it could be something simple like:
--He is working all the time and is exhausted
--He thinks you don't want to have sex
--He doesn't realize that there's a problem
--He doesn't realize how you feel abou the problem (and since he may not realize what he's doing he's totally in the blue)
--He may actually have things on his mind, like how's he going to pay for the kids college, or his job may be in jepordy.

Just because you put on weight, don't assume that's why he doesn't want to have sex with you. I think you should at least give him a chance before you throw him to the curb! :)

Good luck, and if something bad is going on, at least you're ready for divorce ;)

Answer 6

Yes, you should absolutely seek a divorce. You said that there is no physical interaction going on at all. As a man I will tell you this, if he isnt interacting with you, then he is interacting with someone else.
If your relationship has no intimacy, then you already dont have a relationship and things will only get worse from here! Life is too short to love and not be loved back! You owe it to yourself to find someone who loves you just the way you are and isnt withholding his affections(blackmail by the way) because of the way you look. I spent years with a woman who treated me the same way....worst years of my life. Move on and seek happiness...it's all that life is about and time is short anyway!

Answer 7

I don't think you should divorce your husband. I would try to lose some weight, if that's what is turning him off. Of course, you have to have some kind of incentive ,so if you love him, you will try to look better. Don't get into the habit of not looking nice. Try to do stuff for him. Men can be such babies and you have to cater to them so that they don't feel they are left out.

If it doesn't work, then try counseling. If that doesn't work, then you have to have a good look at your life and think what you want out of life. Is this worth it? Or are you not happy with him? Then you can decide. But you need to take the first step and make some changes in your life so both of you will be happy.

Answer 8

OH wow! he should have sympathy 2 u that u carried HIS baby 4 9mths and then gave birth. Of course u're going 2 gain weight. He should love u regardless, and if he's that grossed out he should turn all the lights off. But seriously he should definitely compromise if he loves u as much as he saids. Becuz u can't loose weight 4 him u have 2 do it becuz u're not happy wit the way u look. Tell him how it is, and how hurt u are by the whole situation.

Answer 9

I know it doesn't sound fair, but, you are not the beauty he married, in his eyes. Men are only visual, I hate it ,but they can't help themselves for some odd reason. I have had 8 children and lost my weight for that very reason. I wanted my husband to think I am the hottest thing walking on 2 legs. It's hard ,but before I got a divorce, I would get extreme in another direction and give myself a new look . If it still didn't work, at least you know that you did everything in YOUR power to make it work. It would definitly be his loss !!!!

Answer 10

slip him a ruphie


No, no, i'm joking. Don't divorce the man.. not yet, anyway.

Two things i would do... Try to give him a massage or if he is sitting on his favorite chair and the kids are sleeping, just get on your knees and try to give him a ********, or maybe a hand job. try to just come on to him real horny, just keep bugging him about sex one night, not saying it, but hinting strongly at it. Then ride on top of him the whole night, and make it the best night he's ever had. oh, if he drinks, get him a little intoxicated. maybe after you ride him for a while, since it seems like he loves to control the relationship, maybe he'll toss you down and be on top. a little rough sex. how's that sound?

If that doesn't work and he is a good father, maybe you should get a gentlemen caller or something, or just divorce him. That's ridiculus that he won't even kiss you. divorce him if that all doesn't work.


i hope i helped.