I have been married to the same man for 26 years. It has gotten to where here lately just the sound of his vioce makes me mad. I wish I didn't even know him at times. He is always getting on my nerves and he is beginning to be a royal pain in the a**.. What should I do?
2006-06-22 15:58:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
people grow apart. don't stay out of some idea of "duty" or what society thinks. do what makes you happy. you have the rest of your life to live. GO LIVE IT!! stop merely existing.
2006-06-22 16:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by vanessa w 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
26 years, and you feel no kinship, no love for him even as "a brother?" Wow.
Something else is going on. Your not being honest in your question. That natural progression is for affection to grow and - even though sex diminishes - there is a greater "liking" ... having him around, hearing his voice, smiling at his socks on the floor by the bed.
But you have none of that? Why the loathing and hatred? It would be weak and cowardly to walk away from this marriage before you find out where the hatred is coming from.
A friend of mine was married for 11 years. Most of that time, his wife was a real b?t?h - always complaining about him, even when they were entertaining at their home. It was embarrassing to be around. They got divorced 3 years ago. Now, four times this year, his ex has called him up, talking about "all the good times", and trying to get back together.
Find out what the problem is. Consider if it is correctable before you throw away 26 years and then shortly thereafter be full of regret over what you trashed.
2006-06-23 00:33:28 · answer #2 · answered by robabard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible to fall out of love. But at some point, the guy was worth it, wasn't he? Is it possible the two of you can work on the marriage and make it better? I really doubt that he is not aware of how unhappy you are, and that he is also not terribly pleased at how things are turning out. Try to talk to him, but wait for a moment when the two of you are not at each other's throats. Ask if he thinks the marriage is worth salvaging. He may agree that it is, or he may agree that perhaps you both would be better off apart. You won't know unless you ask.
If you're really and truly fed up with the guy, it may indeed be too late - but after 26 years, I'd think it was worth at least one decent attempt to reconcile. But I can't make that judgement for you.
I would hesitate to recommend what my neighbor did last year: she found a boyfriend on the side. The improvement in her mood was remarkable. Didn't do much for her hubby when he found out, and the breakup also severely strained relations between him, her and the kids. I think, had she thought it through, she'd have waited to find the boyfriend *after* the issue of separation/divorce with her husband was resolved. No, i'm not the boyfriend - or the disgusted husband!
2006-06-22 23:12:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been 26 years! Wow! You're both lost in your relationship since it's been so long. Reflect on what had happened through the years. Take note of the good times and bad times you've been through.
Understand your own feelings and try to put yourself in his shoes. Maybe you're also getting to be a pain in the a** for him. Probably, you've both tired with work and tired of the same old things. You guys can do something different like jump off a helicopter. Anything new that can you both outside your comfort zones.
The thing is, understand what you've done in the relationship that made things the way they are now and put yourself in his shoes. Then think of what he has done.
Good luck
2006-06-22 23:11:57 · answer #4 · answered by Jivan S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a vacation...somewhere nice and quiet....To enjoy life with urself and get to know what u want in this marriage...Time away from the same surroundings and the man is a wonderful thing. After 26 yrs that's a long time to just walk away from...so only u can make that decision. I say tell him how u r feeling and then take a vacation once u return make a true hearted decision. Life is too short to live it unhappy. Time away sometimes helps the heart grow closer
2006-06-22 23:06:28 · answer #5 · answered by mrsmomma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is possible but VERY sad. You both need to see a marriage counselor and get help for this. Why do you not love him or like him anymore? Why do you feel this way and does he realize what you are feeling? You need to analyze your feelings and seek the help of a counselor and also talk to your doctor. Your hormones might be changing and you may need some medical help too. Also do you both have kids together? Sometimes when you are married and have kids most of your life is focused more on the kids and not enough on the marriage and the one you are married to. This could be part of your problem as well. I hope you get the help you need and that this marriage can be saved. Also check out http://www.marriagetoday.org and email them and ask them for advice and help and see what they have to say!
2006-06-22 23:04:18 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive been there several times - at first you look for the good things and that is all you see. Then later when you find out that he was not what you thought he was, all you look at is the bad things. i read that if you wait - in six months you will be in love again. I have timed it out twice and it has worked for me several times. or at least i was in like again and i found out that some of the good things are still there. i know how easy it is to list all the bad things, but force yourself to take some time and list all the good things you used to like about him. and maybe you will find some new ones you didn't even notice. I have found that sometimes time does heal a lot of wounds or at least you realize the problem wasn't that big after all. But i have one rule, whatever i want to do - divorce, new job, affair anything that is big, i have to put it off for 6 months and then see how i feel. So far it has kept me out of a lot of trouble. Good Luck.
2006-06-22 23:23:45 · answer #7 · answered by true2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either get out of it and find happiness or stay in it and be miserable. Dont listen to other people who think they are in that situation but are afraid to do something about it they know they will never be happy so they want it the same for you.
2006-06-22 23:11:33 · answer #8 · answered by tw2251stst 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is this a problem just right now, or has it always been like this? sometimes i feel that way, but the next minute i love him with all my heart. but if it remains consistent, and you feel you would be happier outside of this relationship, maybe its what you need to do. if you truely feel that the love just isnt there anymore, maybe u need to do something to test your feelings. its okay to check it out.. thats the only way youll know.
2006-06-22 23:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have an affair... what the h*ll live life to the fullest, you dont want to leave him just go and find a stranger and let him make you feel special again...thats all you need is a little tenderness from a man who wants to lick you all over... try it i am sure you will feel much better...
2006-06-22 23:04:33 · answer #10 · answered by ibjuscoolin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋