I need advice on moving on after a breakup?

Question

my bf is such a liar he lies a lot about himself (im not perfect either) I often have to find out about the things he did or things he still is doing. Like he had surgery or he goes visit this person, i know he's entitled to privacy but everything just comes as a shock to me. Today i found his porn.. black porn. I dont have anything against porn and he knows that. but the fact that he hid it from me hurt me so much. Im not black... i feel like im not his type at all.That he hid it for that specific reason :his gf is not black.He's always liked black girls thats fine with me.Not sure what he thinks of when im in bed with him . i feel that sex with him is sacred and all that bullshit.I dont want to need him anymore...

p.s the story is more complicated than this i just need help on moving on.. thanks

Answer 1

Sounds like to me that you're so frustrated with the relationship and emotional surges that you've found your whole life infiltrated with thoughts of nothing but the relationship. You're spending your time and energy trying to figure out the 'whys' when you already know all you need to know and that is, you're not happy and you want to move on. When you stop putting your mind, soul and body into the past then you can change your future by moving on into it. Personally, I believe you've so called grieved the loss of the relationship but you forgot step #2 or just haven't done it. Step #2 is getting angry about it and admitting you were pissed about things you feel were major contributors to the whole problem that you weren't responsible for. Take half the blame and throw the other half on your past other half. Dump some of that guilt you're carrying and let the other person take some crap for it too then take that lighter load and move on, don't look back or even think ever again about if you did the right thing or not. Life is about believing in yourself first and not always about what others think or believe. Your life isn't anyone else's and no one has the right to question what you choose to believe is right and best for you. Within the law of course :-).

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Black or not is not the issue. It's a matter of respect. You need a man who will love and respect you. If you feel you deserve better then let that be your source of strength. Moving on is always hard. It's a state of mind.

Before you leave though consider this... I don't know the whole story so I can only address this part...You are making the 'black thing' an issue why?

He choose you and I am guessing you are white. He seems to like both black and white girls. Why should he only watch white porn. I think you have an inferiority complex that is causing this issue. (sorry to say) you are even concerned about he is thinking when he is in bed with you because you think black girls are always on his mind. You seem to think alot for him. Black guys watch porn with white girls you know and probably up until a some years ago that is all they had to watch because it was hard pressed to find blacks in any media format. You might wanna talk to your guy about your insecurities, cuz maybe he does not feel safe sharing with you because he is aware of your insecurities.

Answer 4

I understand the whole "thats not me thing" Just because he watches porn with black women does not mean he loves you any less. He just likes something those women have or do. I know your not black and theres no way you ever can be but that does not mean you were not satisfying him. We all like different kinds of people...different day different thing. Nothing wrong with him liking white and black women its just another sexy woman to him. I think you have some security issues. Since you are moving on it don't even matter anymore. I hope you and the next one enjoy the same things so hopefully it will work out for you. If you notice things in the beginning they are signs...if you don't like it or its not for you then move on. Someone is a perfect match...but you can't let them pass while you try to stay with someone you have nothing in common with. LOOK FOR THE WARNING SIGNS!! Your heart will heal and you will love someone else like never before.

Answer 5

It is so hard to move on when you are not sure you want to, but you need to. Any relationship, I have learned the hard way, won't work if either of the people lie. Him hiding this from you is a problem. He should of been open with you and told you and you should of had the chance to react however you wanted to, but he didn't consider your feelings. If he likes black women, more power to him, tell him to go get one. Don't let him make you feel second best. You deserve more. Get out while you can, it will only get harder later.

Answer 6

If you did'nt love him then it would be easy to move, I don't know about you but guys can make you feel so alive and special when the relationship is new, you fall in love and they slowly drift away, and it hurts to feel it happening, we open ourselves up, not alot but enough to get hurt, but he wanted sex and we wanted love in the end, we move on and find another totally forgetting the one we thought we loved, but we are closed up and afraid to love again, but we do and life does'nt end when a relationship does, you have to love yourself and let destiny take the wheel what else can we do? I may have gotten carried away a bit but I know been there 100 times!!

Answer 7

I guess the best thing to do is to try to go out with your friends. This way you won't think about your boyfriend and maybe you'll meet someone else.

Time always heals, so try to be patient. Men have a lot of moods. They have fantasies and you can't always match up to it. But if he picks you as a girlfriend, then you shouldn't worry about it. As long as he doesn't do it for real, it's not as bad as you think. But if he hurts you then it's probably for the best that he's gone and out of your life.

Answer 8

Aw that's sad.
Well just try to occupy urself with somethin else. Try not to think about him a lot. Dont talk to him too. As ur relationship gets distant, your heart will get distant from him. That way itll b easier to forget him. Its never really easy to forget someone u loved but sometimes u dont hav a choice but to forget. I had to stop likin this guy becuz my twin was goin out with him. I started likin him b4 she did but still...they likd each other. I really really really likd him though. I hope thsi could help u. It was really hard for me too. But as time goes by ull learn how to forget him. Youll find a better guy! =] Forget about him. Someday when the time is right ull meet ur dream guy. =] Hope this helps you! BYeBYe

Answer 9

Breaking up sucks. It is hard to get over the ex, it sounds like it is time for you to get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Its hard but oh so liberating at the same time. Next start dating other guys. Getting over someone takes time, but is for fun if you are distracted by others... go hang out with the girl friends, go on dates, flirt as much as you want, and burn at least one pic of this lying jerk :)... if he likes black girls then can have him, you have better things to do than worry about that turd

Answer 10

goodness gracious, thats a rant. I am making a good break up cd right now, but I like "Black Music" - E. Badu's booty and green eyes R good songs. Lauryn Hill's exfactor also. Empower yourself in a breakup, begin to LET GO. This is important and very difficult, so allow yourself time to heal. seperate yourself from him-get rid of his things, pictures, stuff he gave you, etc LET GO go out with girlfriends and flirt with cute boys. you dont need him. the one you want to be with is the one you dont have to question every 5min- you need security, and HAPPINESS so LET GO and find out who you are and what makes you happy. but he aint it honey!