Any suggestions on how to disipline a child that doesnt apply their self in school. Serious suggestions please

Question

I have tried not letting him play sports (his first love) and that has not helped. He is getting ready to go into middle school and I am about to pull my hair out. Any suggestions out there?

When my child takes the state tests he does well, usually 20-40 above the state average,but this year (5th grade) was a real headache for the both of us. He seems to think school is a social function instead of a learning environment. Until this year he was an A-B student, this past year it was more B-C's and last report card a D in math, his strongest subject.

Answer 1

Smart kids often have motivation issues.

He needs to learn WHY education is important. Why should he do all this stuff. What does it matter? No, avoiding punishment is NOT an adequate response to this. He needs to know what his own interests are, and HOW what he's doing in school relates to them.

Also, he may need Gifted education support. Request that he be tested.

Gifted education is not about "playtime" or "rewards," and it is NOT just for straight-A students.

Actually, the kids that are very bright that are underperforming need Gifted Education programming the most!

http://www.metagifted.org/topics/gifted/underachievement/

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/underachiever.htm

http://www.gifted-children.com.au/link/special_needs/underachievement

http://www.kisser.net.au/pdeo/peac/page8.html

Answer 2

I've noticed that this isn't an easy one. It really takes the student to figure out for themselves a love of learning and an interest in applying themselves. This is an issue of maturity.

Some students will figure this out in middle school. Some in high school. Some in college. Some never quite get the message.

The great news is that applying all sorts of discipline isn't going to help. Let him do the sports and keep an active life (that's good for him). Work with him on his homework. Make sure he doesn't fall behind. Positive motivators work much better than negative motivators. Long term goals mean very little at his age. Plying him with end of quarter grades won't mean much. Pestering him about college is really getting nowhere. Take each day and assignment as a single event, and string them along to a full achievement.

Answer 3

I teach 7th grade English and I see this on a daily basis. Also, I am a mother of a 14 and 16 yr old. This in no means makes me an expert, but I can give advice on what I have seen work.

If you have tried negative consequences, I have seen something we use here work. It is called the merit system. You have earned the right to do things or participate in events. For example: Little Johnny, we will allow you to play ball for the first 9 weeks. At the end of that 9 weeks, if you are working to your potential you will be allowed to continue.

We, at the school, see that at the end of that 9 weeks, the student has formed friendships on the team, found his/her place on the team, and doesn't want to let the team down, or not be part of the social status that comes with it. I suggest you try this.

If it doesn't work, and you have already tried negative reinforcement, then you may want to see your counselor/pastor for advice. You may have a rebellious child on your hands that you need to get control of before the high school years continue.

Best of luck and I hope you enjoy middle school as much as I do!

Answer 4

First off you might as well give up on the discipline part. That does not work at all. My daughter is about to go to the 4th grade and she has had the same problems with her school. She can do the work at home but when she gets to school she does not do as well as I know she can. What I would suggest to you is that you worry less about discipline and more about what the problems might be that might cause her or him not to apply themselves. Work close with the teachers at school. This has helped both me and my daughter tremendously. Her teacher would send me e-mails and let me know what was going to be tested and when and that way I could work with her at home before those test days and she did much better. I dont think that discipline is really the answer or the solution you need to find the problem (why they are not applying themselves) and start there. Most times punishments and getting upset only serve to make matters worse. Children need to know that they are loved and cared for even if they make bad grades. I tell me daughter all the time that mommie will love her F's or A's but that I know she can do better and we are going to work hard so that she will do better. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I had a few friends growing up who received rewards of more expensive things they really wanted (Playstation, video games...) if they did so well at report card time (half As and nothing less than a B or something like that)
You hear the horror stories of mothers going to school with their kids to embarass them and make sure they do what they should be doing there, but save that for a last resort..
If you've got the money though, send him to a private coach/tutor. He seems to have some brains, so maybe you can can get him ahead of his class so he'll have more time to socialize at school (not good for classmates, but that's the problem of other parents).

Answer 6

I have five children and your story sounds so familar as it describes 3 of my kids. They always test well on state tests but do poorly in class. Three of them failed freshman English yet later got into honors or advanced placement English. Often bright kids are bored at school and don't feel challenged. You might try an afterschool enrichment program. Does your son play a musical instrument? Often, schools require a C average for students to stay in music and sports programs. When my kids got into high school, I let them know that if they didn't get a B average, they couldn't get their driver's license because I need the insurance discount.
Try not to worry. Perhaps your son will become more serious in middle school - many students do. After awhile, I came to realize that just because my kids weren't turning in homework or getting A's, doesn't mean they will not be sucessful in life. My daughter is now married, works full-time at a well - paying job, goes to junior college where she makes straight A's and plans to go to law school. One of my sons, decided to do his last year of high school at continuation high school where he finally got serious about school, got A's and graduated early so he could join the Marines. The 3rd one that has had troubles, now has a job that he loves and has to keep his grades up in high school to keep his work permit. So you see, there is hope. Sorry this is so long, but I hope that it helps!

Answer 7

Tysha definitely is on to something when she says to be in close contact with his teacher. He is entering a crucial age where the peer pressure and wanting to be liked is going to take a very high priority in his life. First of all, check out his friends. Has he changed his peer group? Watch that situation closely. Second, let him play sports. That will be a positive outlet for his energy and may help him make positive friends. Third, take away his "toys" that distract from learning like video games, TV in his room, computer, etc. Have a very efficient contact method with his teachers. A very simple check-off list where a teacher may circle a scale 1-5 on his behavior and work quality and a simple yes/no for home assigned and homework turned in will suffice. Make it an absolute requirement that he show that to you each day and have consistent follow-through with the rewards/consequences. Tie rewards into good responses on that check-off sheet such as having his games or let a friend sleep over on the weekend--whatever motivates him. Talk to him frequently about these being the "small" rewards and that the "big" reward is how he feels about himself and his successes. If he is not challenged in school, make sure he has appropriate seat work to do when he has finished his work in the class--puzzles he may like doing, a book, appropriate magazine, or talk with the teacher about his being allowed on the classroom computer, help other students, or some other activity. Good luck, and thanks for caring about his success!

Answer 8

OK, so you only apply negative reactions to negative performance, how about along with negative reaction to negative performance, you apply positive reaction to positive performance. Make it easy at first, for a small goal. Like if your son likes to collect baseball cards (or something like that), then if he gets an A on a test, he gets 2 packs, a B is one pack, and a C or less gets nothing, and a D or an F gets a disciplinary action. after a while he will get use to this, so up the ante, for more performance as time goes on. Like If he does really well on a mid-term report he gets a better and better reward for the better he does, but the worse he gets, the worse the disciplinary action. I know that A's should be rewarding enough. but he doesn't care right now ( and it might bite him in the *** later, but like he sees that far in to the future, as far as he is concerned he'll be close to dead by 35). It might work for him.

Answer 9

domt give him anything he wants at all till eh does. Make him bring home his homework and show it. He shoudl have homework ATLEAST 3 of the 5 days of the week in middle school. Make him show u. I fhe doesnt dont buy him anything or let him have peopel come over or anything. Im still a student and i can tell jsut by seeing them in 1 class for a day if they are going to be bums because they dont care about anything beyond impressing others. Give him no lee way. if he says its to hard to pass hsi classes hes lieing. U could let a low grade here and there pass but tell him uw ant himt o improve it. If u give him any sapce then he will not learn and he will elarn to take advantage of it. Dont let ut kid become a spoiled brat that is a burden on society

Answer 10

What about showing him the difference between someone who went to college/has a good job by working hard and applying themselves and someone who didn't and where they are in life. Is he not applying himself because he is bored, is he learning disabled? Sometimes a good shock or a relative or someone not a parent can get a child to turn around. You're on the right track by taking things he loves away maybe there is an underlying issue that you don't know.