So... My wife told me......?

Question

My wife, just out of the blue, told me that i can have other sex partners if i want. She says that it has to be for sex only, no feelings. Why would she tell me this. We have been married for 8 years and have a 4 year old daughter.

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Answer 1

Ugh.

Sounds like something my husband and I are going through. Or, maybe I'm going through and I just think he's also going through. Come to think of it he may not know how I feel.

We just had a baby four months ago. I feel wiped out, tired, and un appreciated. I want someone to appreciate me and make me feel good about myself. Not that I don't feel that way, but when a man tells you how hot you are...and how you make him feel...and makes you heighten sexually...it's amazing. And, once hubby stops - ie family and kids. It leaves the woman longing for more.

I doubt she's already done anything. She probably said that to you to see what you would say and how you would react. She was testing the waters.

If you want to save your marriage do the following:
1. Surprise her
2. Find grandma to take your daughter for a week
3. Take her on her dream vacation
4. Tell her how sexy she is, and how she makes you feel
5. Touch her
6. Spoil her; arrange for breakfast in bed, seaside dinners...
7. Don't nag - handle all the little details the whole vacation make it worry free for her...trust me, she is in a rut. She needs a break

You have to show her you still are interested. Like gets crazy after kids. And, once you are stuck in a rut --- it seems impossible to dig out of it.

BTW, I would NOT let this go un-noticed. You need to acknowledge her and what she said. No matter how crazy it seems or how uncomfortable it makes you feel. You need to tell her how you feel - or just that you don't understand where this is all coming from.

Also, don't ask her if she wants a vacation or needs a break. She's going to say no. Women like to think they are super heros and take on more than they can manage. They feel they are inadequate if they don't keep up with so and so...or if they can't meet someone elses standard of what a wife and mother should be.

Answer 2

first I would ask...
1. how old is she?
2. do you still have an active sex life with her?
3. And... how can one controll feelings once sex is involved, that is hard!

Then if she is close to 40 or older, and your not real active in the bedroom, maybe she is just not interested in sex, women tend to sometimes loose interest because of pre-menopaus and are uncomfortable having sex--(dry, sensitive)

Or maybe she wants to have other partners as well. I think you both need to really talk it over and see what is going on in her pretty little head. I am not sure if this is a direction you want to take, so you may need to really talk.

Good luck and let us all know what she has to say.

Answer 3

Sometimes women are no longer interested in sex. What is your sex life like. If she is no longer interested in sex, then she wants you to be fulfilled in that area, but still have you.
I don't know why she told you this, the best person to answer that question would be your wife.
It is time to sit down and have a heart to heart. I would plan a evening or a time when there would be no interruptions and no other obligations, so the discussion can take as long as it needs. If the discussion becomes difficult, you guys may need to seek counseling.

Answer 4

My first thought is that she has tried another sex partner. Perhaps she thinks that it will enhance your lovemaking. She speicified for sex only. That to me would be some kind of indication. Why she would say that could be for a number of reasons. Maybe a friend has told her they did that and it really helped their sex life.

I would seriously have a talk with her though and find out why all of a sudden she proposed this idea. She may be secretly unsatisfied with her sex life with you and may not want to come out and tell you for fear she might hurt you. But there is a REASON......the ones I mentioned or she has one completely different of her own.

I would ask what that reason is and take it from there.

Answer 5

First guess is that she already has someone in mind that he wants to have sex with so she is hoping you will be OK with having different partners.

Second guess she is wanting you to bring those partners home for a threesome.

Don't jump to a conclusion ask her what she is up to why now and why all the sudden it could be that she thinks your unhappy and trying to please you.

Answer 6

1. She is looking or has found someone else.
2. She has no interest in sex and wants you to pleasure
yourself else where so she doesn't have too.
3. Just ask her what is going on!
It sound like you both need to sit down and talk.

Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

My opinion is that she has either already had sex with someone else or is going to. Have the two of you ever discussed having an open marriage?

Answer 8

She is telling you that maybe bec. she saw you unhappy when your having sex with her, or maybe you want her to do something she cannot do or performed it does not mean she wants to have another sex partner, people who thinks that way, needs to grow up, to place once happiness to your partner, is what we call true love.

thank her and tell that her that she is all you need......

Answer 9

She has a boyfriend on the side maybe? Or, maybe she's planning on filing for a divorce and wants to claim adultry? Or maybe she has lost the desire for sex?

Answer 10

No, my husband and I didn't something like that, we had a happy marriage and now, we are on the verge of getting divorced. You really need to think long and hard about this. It isn't worth it.