But not to the point where you say screw this I'm done? I know nothing is going to change because the last 2 of the 4 years have been same **** different day, but how do you know if there is still love or if they've just become an addiction? If you are totally unhappy, is it wrong to stay for the sake of the kids? I'm totally at a loss...We do not have an open communication relationship, so how I feel just stays in the dark because he blows up over who started what or who said what..over every little thing...I'm not the cheating type so basically this is it.....The other issue is that he never got divorced before we got together and he's tried to 3 times and just lost motivation or something.....How do you deal with all of this? To top it off, I am starting to notice again that there are other men in the world........What would you do? Honest answers please......
2006-06-22 12:28:10 · 11 answers · asked by flowerchildofthecorn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also I guess should mention that he is the "No one is going to tell me how to run my life or change my opinion on anything" type.....and besides I think we are well beyong counseling.....If I tried to strike up a candid conversation about what bothers me, he'd just say like always "So f***ing leave then"...And we aren't church people....nothing at all against those of you that are......
2006-06-22 12:49:17 · update #1
Ok, let me clarify....thanks all btw.....he was married when we got together 4 years ago...in 4 years he has filed 3 times for divorce but it never went to court any of those times...he just decided it wasn't that important or something
2006-06-22 14:10:09 · update #2
I would seek couples counseling if I were you. You definitely need to address the issue of his marriage. I think that a counselor would help him to understand that stringing you along while he's still got a wife is not right. If he won't go to counseling with you then maybe you should go by yourself. Determine your goals for the relationship that you want to have and strive for them.
If he's not open to seeking counseling then he doesn't care about you. Because if he did he would do anything to keep you. Since you're not married and he's uncooperative I would suggest leaving him.
2006-06-22 12:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by Christy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him. Communication is the key and if you haven't been talking to eachother honestly then thats a big problem. If he is unwilling to talk to you and refuses - the only thing left to do is tell him honestly how you are feeling and that you don't want to live like that anymore. Tell him you aren't giving up and don't want to end it - you just need him to get into couple's counseling with you, so you can fix whats wrong.
The issue about him not getting a divorce is a whole other thing. You've been with him 4ys and he's still married...thats unsettling. He should have had that taken care of years ago. This is another thing you need to talk to him honestly about and/or bring it into counseling and get it resolved.
2006-06-22 12:37:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your unhappy I would suggest you leave maybe take some time apart for awhile and see how that goes. Don't stay with him for the sake of your children. It's not good if you two can't talk things threw. My husband and I went through this and It took him a long time to be open with me and understand when something's bothering me it needs to be talked about. I hope everything goes all right for you and your children.
2006-06-22 12:40:58 · answer #3 · answered by Beth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for a change. A change of mind.
Try using someone elses way of thinking.
Your ways, and his ways, are comming to a standstill. Ya'll are just about going to hit the, o shoot stage in life. The o shoot stage in life is the point in your lifetime when you suddenly feel like it's time for the next level.
The next level is to try another mind, or ways of living.
Try the church who offers a marriage class, or group, or talks. Man, the church rocks!
Helped my marriage after I found out I was starting to bore my wife just a tad bit.
2006-06-22 13:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is plain and simple...Get Out!!!! You and your kids deserve to be happy, and you are all worth more then this, why would you stay? You should think more of yourself then this...I'm not saying hes the devil incarnate, but I'm sure you would both be allot happier without each other. Do you really think that you and your kids deserve to be unhappy all the time?
2006-06-22 12:38:04 · answer #5 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only good thing about being with someone you are not married to is that you can leave anytime you want without the hassle of a divorce. So LEAVE !!!!
2006-06-22 15:10:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop thinking that your self worth is burried in this guy. Are you married to this guy? Doesn't show you are married, but that he is, yet not divorced. Kind of confused
2006-06-22 14:04:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what i would do is to end it.i did it once and i was happy after..and she was happy she found her mate after me.i met a lot of woman after that...and a lot of good women.there always will be good people to make a relation,but at one time u decide that u are happy with what you have,if u are u stay.if not u move on.its just simple
2006-06-22 12:37:15 · answer #8 · answered by seveneight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say life is too short to be unhappy, you need to think about yourself and your childrens happiness....nothing good can come from such a bleak outlook
2006-06-22 12:47:24 · answer #9 · answered by Delilah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are unhappy and he is unhappy, without communication it wont work, and the seperate ness in your relationship is why you are noticing other men, if you dont get what you need from your partner you naturally look for another partner.
2006-06-22 13:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by bigdaddy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋