My friend is so negative and she seems accident & drama prone. She always has something going on and comes to me to tell me about it or solve it. She is draining all my energy?
How do I tell her?
2006-06-22 12:03:30 · 12 answers · asked by Mixed♥Beauty 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
this is what u do. you put your boundaries up. you need to know where you end and she begins. you can't be wasting all your energy on petty bullshit that she brings to you. my suggestion is to be honest with her about how you feel. don't blame her or point fingers but tell her what your experience is. for instance. "I feel uncomfortable when you call me to talk about bla blabal etc" Whatever the issue is tell her how you feel about it and don't accuse her of anything. Just say "I feel_______when you do____"
Or you can also make observations. you can say, "I notice that you have a lot of drama or problems that you've been calling me about."
Just making an observation will force her to think about what you are implying. The bottom line is that you can't change her so if she doesn't make adjustments in your relationship with her then you need to put some distance between you both and make some friends that can actually connect with you.
good luck,
J
2006-06-22 12:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by understandingyahoo27 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are quite a few of her type out there, and the drama and the accident prone thing goes along with it. I call them leeches who suck your blood dry and then wander why you can't get back up.
she may not realize how it affects you, so I guess it is up to you to tell her, or maybe you could ask her why she does it.
It is very toxic to have to listen to someone like that for long, and like you said she is draining you energy,
Have you known her for long that you would feel comfortable telling her, if not stay away from her as much as possible, You need to preserve your energy.
2006-06-22 12:41:29 · answer #2 · answered by brown.gloria@yahoo.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might try not "telling" her. The next time she comes to you with her "poor pitiful me." look, head her off at the pass. Don't let her tell you her woes. Start the conversation by remarking how much you enjoyed a visit with a someone who was upbeat. You enjoyed her upbeat attitude so much, you want to see this person again. Upbeat people attract friends while people who always have a "bad day" are real downers. They take all the fun out of life. Mention that people who are always full of complaints make people want to avoid them.
I told this in similar words to a friend of mine and made her stop and think about how people reacted to her. Did they seem glad or did they find sudden appointments? Did they always seem in a hurry to leave? I didn't out and out name names but she knew who I was talking about. At first she seemed hurt and in fact she was. But she thought about it and slowly changed into a normal person.
2006-06-22 12:18:15 · answer #3 · answered by grandma's spirit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I had a friend who was like that... She would always say that a pessimist is an experienced optimist. So she might have had really bad experiences in the past. You might want to pull her aside and have a good talk to her. She should understand but if not... might as well keep your distance coz it will really drain your spirit.
2006-06-22 12:13:40 · answer #4 · answered by perheartin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could write her a letter, letters are a great way to communicate.
Be really honest, use "I" statements, not "you" statements.
(ie) When you say this, I feel _____________. Tell her how does it makes you feel? Like avoiding her? Like becoming negative yourself? Lay it on the line, you may really be helping her, perhaps when she realizes how she is behaving, it will prompt her to make some positive changes.......or not.....in which case you will have to make the decision to keep her at a distance in your life, for your own happiness and well being.
2006-06-22 14:26:57 · answer #5 · answered by mchlmybelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about that, there really is no way to tell her with out hurting her feelings unfortunatley. Just try to keep your distance from her and only give her help when she really needs it. I think eventually her problems will straighten out, but you can't do it for her.
I know you care about her, but don't let her push you around, even if she is having a difficult time.
Good luck!
2006-06-22 12:08:28 · answer #6 · answered by Figneuton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like you did here. With love and kindness-just tell her.
I've been there-and it can be difficult.
There are those that I've simply had to walk away from because they couldn't get it and was beginning to be so bad to be around them-that it was bringing my quality of life down.
I choose to have positive people around me.
:)
2006-06-22 12:09:19 · answer #7 · answered by snugglebunnies 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem.......just tell her that she's sooo negative, and keep repeating it whenever she says anything negative to you.....in awhile she'll realize that you repeated that phrase a lot and ask why your are calling her that.....then tell her.....
now she tries to act positive just to show me that she's not negative.....after a while she'll realize she is and try to do something about it.....
Good luck
2006-06-22 12:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by xqueenyx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be honest and straight to the point she may not like what you say but it will save you a lot of grief in the end along with a headache
2006-06-22 14:13:40 · answer #9 · answered by abby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a hard one..... Just tell her how you feel if shes really that good of a friends she will understand!
2006-06-22 12:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋