How do you leave a relationship when you find out hes cheating and lying?

Question

I have been living with my boyfriend for a year and been dating him for a year and half. After 5 mos of dating he cheated on me. I told him it was either her or me. Please choose. He choose me after talking with the other girl and then ask me to move in with him. then 3 mos ago, she back in his life as just a friend so he says. They are not sleeping together and he just needs a girl who is a friend, that hes not involved with. I try to go along with this, but can't , it breaks my heart to think when hes with her. He hides her phone calls and doesn't tell me when he calls her. He goes and sees her when Im at work. I let go of my apartment and didn't pay the last two mos of rent, on his advice. I know I was stupidt. Now I can't rent anywhere. I want to leave, but how???

Answer 1

put an end of this relationship if it hurts you this way...seriously...try to get your life back...simply tell him "I want to break up. I can not stand anymore of your "friend to talk with"...I do not like secrets, there should not be any secrets between us...try to learn something from this...bye bye forever"...and really bye-bye...or else you would live like this forever...my friend lives like that...and I know how you feel...for your own good, let him forever, he will not change, trust me...I am a little hard on you, you do not know me, but I do want to help you and all women that live like this...YOU DESERVE a person that is devoted to you, that adores you, that tells you everything that happens to him, that lives for you (and you for him, of course)...you would like this, don't you?...I thought so...you just need some courage...

Answer 2

Do you have any friends or family that would take you up until you do? Cause most likely he is still doing something cause you don't become friends with the person you cheat with. That is wrong. He knew what he was doing when he told you just to up and leave your apartment. If he chose you, he should of stayed away from that other girl. You either need to tell him or be hurting all the time. But first try to find somewhere to stay if things don't go the way you want to. If it was you first time not paying your rent, there are some place that will take you in, you just got to keep looking and don't give up. That was a cheap excuse for him to use. I'd laugh at that.

Answer 3

You have to give him the boot because his relationship with this girl will just continue to bother you. If he's hiding little things, he's hiding a lot more and will continue to. He wants the best of both worlds. Even though it might be difficult, you need to get out. Look for a roommate situation where your name is not on the lease, or a private residence room rental. If you have enough of a deposit, usually that will be enough to cover some bad rental history. You could also have a friend say you rented from them during that rental time, so your rental history is still in tact. It might take a bit of searching but it's much better then being unhappy and having that kind of drama. Then move out while he's at work at leave a post it on the door that says: I'm so over you.

Answer 4

You HAVE to leave. This guy has done nothing but hurt you and give you the stupidest advice I've ever heard of in my entire 30 years of life. He must think you're some kind of fool and to me, you just seem like a sweet kid who got caught up in things. But now that you see it the way you're supposed to see it, get the heck out of there. He chose you over her, yet he wants to be friends with this girl, of all the random girls he could possibly be friends with in this entire world, knowing this hurts you. He's a selfish, greedy pig who doesn't deserve you. If they were truly just friends, he wouldn't have to hide things from you. And if he just wanted a female friend, he would've made friends with another random coworker or something and made a point to involve you in it so you'd be familiar with her too.

As for your living situation...I don't know how you can fix that, but perhaps talking to a free credit counselor might help you out. In the meantime until you can rent on your own, can your parents get something and you pay them the rent, thus making them your landlords? Or can you move back in with them temporarilly until you get your rental situation back on track? Do you have a friend with a spare room you can pay a little rent to until you can find another place? You have many options here, and no matter how old you are, I'd ask the parents for advice. If I were in your situation, I'd certainly be calling my dad to seek out his advice to where I should turn for a new living situation. I think anything at this point would be better for you than to stick with this guy. What a piece of work, and I don't mean that as a compliment. Good luck and remember you don't have to take crap like this from anyone, ever.

Answer 5

Dear Libbe2020,
I'm convinced that the best way to handle every relationship is with the truth. Just tell him this situation hurts you. It is completely understandable: you're afraid of loosing him! and much more if he was involved with this girl before.!
There's something pretty clear in every relationship were two persons love to each other: there's no need to lie or cheat and, if needed, they'll try to modify their attitudes not to hurt the other.
The success of every love relationship is negotiation based on love. When you love someone you don't want to hurt him/her and you also want to be happy! Is a two way relation.
If you tell him how badly you feel about this and, even though that, he doesn't care, I guess that kind love is not what you need. He has to take care of the love you've built together and these "friendly visits" put it under risk.
You're not asking for impossible things. You just want him not to "visit" his ex so frequently .
How to leave him?. Just tell him this is not what you deserve and get out of that apartment. Try to find another place and do not contact him under any circumstance. If he wants you back, he'll have to fight for you. You worth it.
Hope this helps :)

Answer 6

Look chick, tell him you can't take his crap anymore. Tell him that you deserve to be treated way better and you deserve someone who deserves you and that person isn't him. Look if he is hiding phone calls and goes to her when you are away then it is most likely that he is cheating once again. I dated a guy that did this thing to me. When I was at work, his so-called best friend (which was female) would call him and she would only call when I wasn't there. I even found her nasty long brown hair in our bed. Right after we broke up (which was on my 21st bday) they started dating. You need to let him go. He obviously hasn't given her up and wants to have his cake and eat it too. Girl let him go and stay with some friends or family until you are able to get back on your own.

Answer 7

Hurting him is not the answer. Tell him what you feel. Tell him how much he hurt you. And end it, ending it will only benefit for you. Once a guy cheats he will always cheat. There is no reason to cheat. If he is not happy in the relationship then he should end it himself instead of letting you suffer.
Best thing you could do is get away from him as soon as you can. Continue to stay friends if you wish, but sounds like he is not husband material.

Answer 8

Honey please exciuse me for say but, YOU SO STUPID. he done played you over and over again. He got you looking like a fool and not only that you letting him make you look like a fool. Girl when he cheated the first time I know it hurted believe me I know I went through it and yes I took him again and again believing that he would leave that girl alone and be with me and yet he left me for her. Please don't end up like that. Okay you gave hima nother chance now he got this heffa as a friend (so he says) girl dump him and find someone else. You can be bad all by yourself and you don't need a man to show you a good time. Get with some friends and have fun. There's another man out there waiting to be with you and not cheat.

Answer 9

There is someone you know who will let you stay with them for a little while. You can rent an apartment from an individual landlord instead of a management company. It may not be great for now, but if you want to badly enough you can get out.

Answer 10

Well, you certainly got yourself in a nice little pickle didn't you? Always always always pay your bills, always. This is just one example of why it is important to do so. But now you know better, don't be a fool again.
Here's what I suggest to do. Let the s-o-b continue his dogging around. Save all the money you can, every little scrap of a penny you can find or steal from him. If he leaves $1 and some change on the table, snag it and stash it away. If he has cash in his pocket, take some out and stash it. You can save enough in 6 months to get a house. If you don't have a savings account, hide it in a jar or a sock in a tampon box. My mother used to do that because she knew my dad would never touch the thing and your bf probably wouldn't think to either. Just make sure its put so that it can't be accidentally pulled out by getting a towel or a roll of toilet paper. Just throw out the old box when you have to buy more and keep however many tampons you need to fit the jar or sock as an emergency stash in your car and purse.
Just tell the rental agency or landlord that you've either been living at home for the last severl years or that you've been living with your abusive bf for the last few years in his apartment and am trying to get away from him.
This way you won't have to provide a rental history. Try to rent from an individual in the paper and not thru an agency tho. Agencies will do credit checks and your last apartment management will have sent you to collections which will show on your credit report for sure.
Do you have family you can stay with for awhile while you save money? What about friends that could use a roommate.
Try local universitites, looking in their school papers or on bulletin boards in the halls where classes are held. I know I see TONS of girls looking for a roommate. Just tell them you are in the process of applying for the winter semester or waiting to apply in the summer because you're job or family situation won't let you go now.
Also I know small local motels rent rooms by the month. I had to stay in one for 3 months at some dump called the "LaFrance Terrace Motel" in Sault Saint Marie, MI for an internship. It cost me $600 a month which is what rent anywhere else cost but you don't need a deposit.
Apply for a credit card that has a high interest rate. I know you have bad credit and someone like Providian would love to give you a $500 credit card with a 24.99% interest rate. Make sure you pay this bill tho and use it ONLY when you need to to get out. When you've used it to do only that, pay it off (always pay at least $10 more than the min payment) never use it again. Let it sit with a zero or low balance and accrue the good credit rating. Do NOT cancel the card, you need the credit rating!!
Because you screwed your credit, you are gonna have to make some concessions in your lifestyle. No more movies, dinners out. If he gives you money to buy groceries, buy whatever he likes and mac and cheese or oatmeal or soup for you and save the rest. Try pawning what you can getey. rid of. A lap top (it must have windows xp), gold, old coins, etc to get more money.
And by the way, he is having sex with her again. No doubt about it. If he needs a girl as a friend he is not involved with, he needs to find someone he was not forced to give up for you. Let him think you believe it for however long it takes you to rake together at least $1500, encourage him to believe it in fact so that he doesn't get the idea that now he wants her in your place.
I'd do my own little form of terrorism on him though. Put a sardine or 2 or maybe some wet cat food in the AC vents in his car. Throw away one mate to a pair of socks every now and then. Dip the crotch of his underwear in bleach and let it dry (VERY itchy), and replace it in the drawer. Hide his keys every now and then or his wallet. Run magnets across the back of all his credit cards. Key his car a little. Pull off the hub cabs and put some gravel in it and put it back on. All kinds of things to drive him a little crazier each day.
Screw this MF. He is treating you like you are too dumb to put 2 and 2 together. You can find any man that will treat you like a dog if that is what you want. Get out asap and find a guy that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated!