My husband was diagnosed with cancer in his groin. With radation and chemo, he can no longer have kids. He is only 28. My ex lover who I talk to from time to time offered on his own to donate. There is no lust left on my behalf or his. He is just helping an ex-lover that turned into a friend. Do I proceed? Do I say no thanks? How do I tell husband? What would you do?
Ex-lover has great genes, by the way. Smart, talented, looks.
2006-06-22 10:54:00 · 18 answers · asked by ♠♣♥Rogue♣♥♠ 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Say no thanks....fast! He has the potential to ruin your marriage. All he would need to do is ask for rights (he would be entitled) to YOUR child and your world could come apart. Adoption is an option and so is other nice looking , smart, healthy genes donors. Never pick a donor who you know personally. Your husband's feeling should be respected. If the role was reversed, would you want he ex girlfriend to carry your baby because you could not? Think about the risk.
2006-06-22 11:06:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-08 03:30:00 · answer #2 · answered by Diana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd recomend adoption. There are plenty of kids out there who need parents. However:
If you're considering this in any way, shape, or form, (and i'm assuming you are because you asked the question) discuss it with your husband. See where he's at with it. Do the artificial insemination thing in a clinic if you chose to go ahead with it; draw up legal paperwork, and decide if and how much you want the baby's biological father in the picture. There are some risks involved in this: Someone mentioned the "ex's kid" thing.
2006-06-22 11:04:17 · answer #3 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your issue is a communication failure. Either she doesn't know how serious you feel because you haven't told her or because she is not listening. What you need to do instead of letting her get away with "you are giving me a headache" take some time out of the day to have a serious conversation. Let her know how you feel and how it makes you uncomfortable. Even tell her that it is especially uncomfortable because she has had sex with all of them if you think it would be a good idea. if that doesn't work then I would say the first step is to suggest counseling or a third party intervening. If it still doesn't work I would stop attending these get togethers and take control of the money so she can't go crazy with it. If she still doesn't get how serious you are then she probably doesn't care. Good luck and I hope everything works out.
2016-05-20 12:10:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about this as though roles were reversed, how would you feel if you could not conceive a child and an ex of his offered her help in the same way? Would you be ok with that? Even if she was smart talented and beautiful... that's just asking for problems, there are a lot of clinics out there made for this exact problems.
2006-06-22 11:01:55 · answer #5 · answered by epiphanyofmylove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With the cost of donor sperm being so low, it may be wise to just just donor sperm. It will prevent any hard feelings or any feelings of inadequacy your husband may feel later towards your ex. I have an ex that I am good friends with, I would be too afraid that I would lose the friend if something happens. Plus I would be too afraid that there would be a fight and the friend or one of his family members would tell the child before your husband was ready.
2006-06-22 11:01:38 · answer #6 · answered by darlene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, no, and no. That's unfair to your husband. More than likely your ex is trying to do this out of more than just charity work. Even if this isn't true it's just generally a BAD idea. Your opinion of your ex-lovers "gene quality" is inappropriate and inconsequential. Try adoption, or an anonymous donor. Better idea... talk to your spouse.
2006-06-22 11:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by bloodandfire@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that you should sit down with your husband and discuss the situation. One subject that the both of you should discuss at that time, is if both of you want kids. If it is a yes, then you can discuss how. There's options: your ex could be a sperm donor, if your husband and you are confortable with the idea. You can adopt or even be foster parents.
Just make sure the both of you are comfortable with the decisions you both make together.
2006-06-22 11:39:37 · answer #8 · answered by Guru Sharma Prasad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should have even asked the question, try asking it to yourself before you ask it to other people. Think of you HUSBANDS feelings. And stop talking to your EX lover. This relationship is the two of you, he should not be involved.
2006-06-23 05:51:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask your husband how he feels about the baby being adopted, or if being biological to one of you.
If he would be comfortable with you carrying another man's baby, you should say you know of someone who has offered.
But tread lightly. It will be a big blow to his ego.
2006-06-22 10:59:46 · answer #10 · answered by brad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋