Update on "Just not happy" question?

Question

Thank you to all that replied earlier. I'll try to make things a little clearer. I'm 32 - is it acceptable for me to give up sex and attention for the rest of my life at this age? No more until I die? I'm happy to stay with my husband - he's a good father and a good friend but I can't continue without the affection. Is it possible to have a sexless marriage but still have no strings attached sex with someone else?? Or do I have to leave with my kids and break their hearts?

Answer 1

IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND

Answer 2

A marriage (or any lover affair) is based upon the elements of: -

Passion
Intimacy
Commitment

You need equal amount of all 3.

You have passion and commitment, but no intimacy.

If you believe that you have discussed openly it with him and still not progress, then the best thing to do is to end the marriage as it is a false union. At the moment you are kinda married to your "brother" which you're clearly dissatisfied with.

I know you have children, but it you are brave and ultimately want them to have a happier satisfied mother, then end the marriage and move on from it, but obviously remain a good loving mother to your children.

If you are a coward and want to prolong this agony for you and probably just delay the inevitable end to your marriage, then just take a lover.

However, it you chose a lover that you have an emotional bond with, it will probably create different and worse problems for you, probably resulting in greater pain for your husband and children in the long run.

Be brave! Ultimately just do whatever you believe will make (first) you, then your children and husband happier.

Good luck.

Contact me if you wanna chat further.

Good luck!

(Remember, every passing second, is another opportunity to turn your life around!)

Answer 3

You need to talk with your husband and try to work on the marriage . Do not cheat or be unfaithful as that leads to even more problems and pain and there is not such thing as not strings attached as you could end up pregnant or even an STD and you would regret it the rest of your life. It is not worth it at all. You need to tell your husband that you need love and affection and that you feel lonely. Be honest with him and tell him what you told us and see what he says or how he feels about this. If you cheat it will break your kids hearts to someday down the road. Trust me it is not worth it at all. See if your husband is open to marriage counseling and maybe even a sex therapist. I wish you the best. Try spicing it up in the bedroom for him too maybe he is just bored with the same routine! My wife and I are here if you need to talk:)

Answer 4

I would encourage you to really do some searching and find out where God fits in your life. Only He can fix what is broken here. I have found great encouragement and support at church, through my christian friends, for many of the struggles I've been through in my life. For your current situation I would recommend reading "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian. It has great insights on how to fix problems like lack of intimacy, etc. without having fights about it over and over with your husband. I read it and it changed my entire outlook on my marriage. I'm happier and I don't have to nag my husband to get what I need from him. Just try reading it and be open-minded to the possibility that the God of the universe really does love and care about you and your family.

Answer 5

Sarah,
My opinion is yes it's possible. There are a couple of ways to go about it. #1 Sit down with your husband and have an open and honest discussion about having an open marriage. It is possible that he would be ok with the idea. Boundries will have to be set and respected, etc. #2 You cheat. Either way, it is going to be complicated. I'm in the same boat and I chose option #2.

Answer 6

Gosh, I found this area of Yahoo and answered a couple of questions. Yours is quite serious and important.

I feel you need to talk to your partner and arrange a mutual agreement - either make a go of it or not, you can then plan for the future.

Most women I know need a partner not only for sex but for companionship and as a friend. Being so young, I feel you need all of these.

Talk, talk and talk. If no joy or result, you need to make a decision yourself.

Answer 7

Why make a bad situation worse...you think this is going to improve the view of mom thru your children's eyes...the marriage is lousy...I agree...so why point the finger at yourself as the one who betrayed the marriage...get divorced if your unhappy! Believe me nothing....nothing can be gained by taking the sleazy way out

Answer 8

this is a hard one hun..i am in the same boat after 24 yrs..my husband never gives me attention or compliments, all my life i have been told by men and women i am beautiful but never by my husband, sex is sat nites if i,m lucky... i fell 4 a mate big style cos he gave me attention and was always flirting with me, we became very very close then last month he dumped me...i don,t think i love my hubby anymore and i,m heartbroken over my mate who doesn,t hardly speak ... so word of warning tread carefully..no rush decision's..think about it carefully..

Answer 9

Vibrators come in all sizes and colors, marriage counsuling works too, conversation works when you actually tell people what is bothering you! Automatically the negative, put some work in it and you'll get what you want and need, nothing in life is easy only death!

Answer 10

First have you tried everything to make this work medication, therapy so on?If so I would say leave they will be better off in a happy home (even if it is two)than in a unhappy home.They can tell you are not happy even if you think they can't...

Answer 11

No, Sarah, it's not. Is it right that I'm older than you, and have never had sex, but wanted to? No, but it's still true. You're right in that you need affection but you need sex, too. You can leave with your kids, with out them, nor not leave at all. But you have to have sex and affection. you admitted it, yourself.