Why won't my husband spoil me?

Question

I am a good person, a good wife and mother. I do right by my family. Everytime I turn abroung, I have to buy nice pampering things for myself, my husband never does. We have the money, so I don't understand. I am sooo jealous of this toothless prick next door to us who buys his wife everything under the sun just for breathing. I always do for my husband all the time. All I get is jack squat, and a few holiday cards. I am crying so hard right now. It's just not fair. I do everything in here, I wish I had a better man.

Answer 1

People express their caring and appreciation for others in a variety of ways. Some show it by giving gifts, others use words, others use acts...try reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I found it to be an interesting read and it made sense. Resentment can grow when you are getting appreciation in the form you desire it, even if someone is giving it in the form they are most comfortable with. Once you and your partner (friend, spouse, family member, etc) learn what each others love languages are, then you can work on using those when interacting with one another.

Answer 2

Spoiled By My Husband

Answer 3

You are just screaming VICTIM. Just stop already, it's so unflattering. Now, I'm going to share something with you that I hope you and ALL OTHER READERS NEVER FORGET:

JUST BECAUSE YOU SEE SOMEONE DOING SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN THE INTENTION IS GOOD. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS BUYING SOMEONE TONS OF GIFTS DOES NOT MEAN HE ISN'T BANGING HIS SECRETARY ON THE SIDE OR SURFING THE NET FOR PORN EVERYDAY,,,, OR WHATEVER. OFTEN TIMES, PEOPLE DO THINGS LIKE THAT BECAUSE DEEP DOWN THEY FEEL GUILTY.

YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T SPOIL YOU WITH GIFTS, HE FEELS THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS STRONG ENOUGH. UNFORTUNATELY, HE PROBABLY HAS NO IDEA THAT YOU DON'T.

i think you're highly misguided about how one should demonstrate love. You're placing everything on material things and any mature person knows that that means NOTHING!!!

I can't tell you how many times in my life I've had married men hit on me. Now do you think you'd rather be married to someone who hit on everyone BUT brought you gifts or someone who was loyal to you?

Answer 4

Have you ever considered telling your husband your feelings? This is a marriage after all. Just tell him you feel a bit neglected and why, although I would couch the terms in slightly better phrasing than "why won't you spoil me?" Just ask why can't you have the occasional back massage once in awhile or something nice once in awhile from him. :) Like on special occasions like your anniversary. Basically all I'm saying is talk to the man. He's not going to know unless you tell him.

Answer 5

some men aren't into pampering but he works and takes care of you in ways that say more then gifts. he's there ... did you ever wonder if maybe the neighbor is pampered because her husband has a guilty conscience? also spoiling doesn't go hand in hand with caring.....look around you ..are you secure, do you feel safe, are you abused .. men are different... emotions don't come easy for them.... assess what you have ... and as an after thought regarding the toothless wonder next door would you want him? and maybe he lost his teeth the last time she smacked him

Answer 6

there is a culture of people in Asia, I think near Napal and the Himalayas... where the women would become possessed by demons, and the only way to excercise the demons was for the woman's husband to spoil her rotten. A psychologist said that in that society women were second hand citizens meant to work in the house and rear children and serve their husbands without question, and that the myth of that particular demon was a way for the women to get pampered for a while.
I'm not saying you should fake being possessed, but maybe you need to give him a sign that you'd like a little more of his attention to stir him up a bit

Answer 7

Did he ever? How long have you been together? Does he know how you feel? I know I have to tell my husband and sugest and after 21 years sometimes I still have to. Does he respect you? or does he think of himeself? Is there a better man? and if so he'd probable have something else wrong with him. Talk to him openly the way he responses is the way he is if he doesn't get it hell never will or it will take longer to sink in.

Answer 8

he probably sees it as a bonding experience and a way to "win" your daughter over, perhaps explain to him that there are other productive ways of bonding with your daughter. The other thing is, he's her dad and has just as much right as you do to parent her how he sees fit, (its very hard believe me i know!!) i found the best way is to approach the issue of you thinking he is spoiling her too much is to not attack and blame him as such but rather say things constructively. Explain to him that parenting is about being a team and listening to and respecting each others views on parenting and compromise. there are things my partner lets our 4 and 1 yr olds do that i wouldnt, but the same goes for me, so we compromise as best as we can and remind ourselves that its our kids best interests we have at heart.

Answer 9

My honey is kind of the same way. He just doesn't always think about stuff like that. He is so sweet and wonderful in all the other ways. So he makes up for it in his words, actions and all he does for the family. Talk to him about doing some of these things. I know it won't be as romantic then if he thought of it on his own but at least he will know what you want.
Once he picked me wild flowers when he was mowing, because he knows I love wild flowers, of course that was several years ago.....
Don't give up on him. Think of why you married him in the first place. He might just need a swift kick!

Answer 10

He's cheap and you're being materialistic. Why do you measure his love for you in dollars? Maybe you should sleep with your neighbor's husband...

Answer 11

I totally understand you!!!

I am very annoyed at all the people who called you spoiled on their replies.

Let me tell you this... I believe I'm a great mother and wife. I work a lot harder than he does (even though I'm just a "housewife"!). And even then... Valentine's Days- NOTHING- not a rose.
My birthday- NO GIFT! Xmas- Not even a card... not even an electronic greeting... NOTHING!

I've confronted him. He knows how I feel. And even then all he says is... I never tell you no if u want to buy something. He just doesnt get the point. I'm not a spoiled brat who spends money like crazy. But once in a while I'd love to be surprised with something... anything... it doesn't have to be expensive. I also tell him how romantic he used to be before... now it's like he takes me for granted!

Honestly, I don't know why they do it.
Here are a few reasons:
- Money problems/ or they're stingy!
- They're LAZY - Lazy to go buy something or think of something romantic to do!
- They don't think it's necessary (they think love is enough)

In any case, like someone else replied... Think of what brought u 2 together.... remind him of that. And try to stay together and make things work out.
Honestly, even though my man doesn't do all this for me. I can still say we have a good marriage.