How should I go about dating again if I have a son and have left a marriage where my husband cheated on me?

Question

How should I approach this issue. I want to date again, but my priority is my son. I want to make sure the man loves my son before he can committ to me. What else should I be thinking about as far as my son and I go. My son is still a baby so I don't know how this will affect him having a new father figure in his life and having his real daddy.

Answer 1

First thing is you don't involve any guy in your son's life until you're sure that you and he are going to be together awhile. If you and the guy aren't going to get along why have a bunch of different guys in your son's life. Kids are very adaptable to change, much more than adults are so just find a good guy that you can get along with and like and make him aware that you have a baby from the start and see where things go. With your son being a baby if you are able to find someone who you can love in the first few years of your son's life it's just going to seem natural to your son that this person is around and in his life because he'll never have known anything different.

Answer 2

Well, make sure that any new guy you date knows you have a son. You don't need to let the guy know every little detail about your son because it'll sound like you're too hung up over the past. If he asks or it can be slipped in the conversation mention your son and answer any questions he may have. If you end up dating someone exclusively just have the new guy meet your son and let your son get used to him. Don't force their relationship either. Since you're son is really young he may not realize who this guy is, but he'll get used to him. But always put your son first. Especially when he gets older and starts to understand a lot of the things going on in your life. You'll probably have to talk to your son about some issues that will come up later on, but as long as it's all handled maturely it shouldn't be a problem. Just make sure his real dad has a place in his life.

About your husband cheating on you..that sucks and I'm sorry. The good thing is not all guys are like that and you shouldn't waste your life fearing that it will happen again. Otherwise it will be a waste of time. Don't let your exhusband ruin things for you. Take things slowly and have fun! The only way you're son can be happy is to know you're happy. Children can sense things like that. Good luck!

Answer 3

First of all this situation has happened through no fault of your own so if you do have difficulties don't blame yourself. I do believe that you can meet wonderful people on the Internet contrary to what some people think, but to be sure you choose the right someone you need to chat to them for a long time first before meeting them, then you go with a friend and when you are more sure alone.
You don't have to simply rely on the net, (there are a lot of frogs on-line amongst the princes). If there is something you enjoy to do like perhaps badminton etc. join a club.
There are dating sites too worth a look at.
I know you have a baby and my children would always be number one too but a regular break helps Mom to be an even better Mommy, in other words you need to keep a little time for you.
I know this is hard but you made the right choice moving on, take your time settling for your new partner and you will find someone in the end that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, good luck!

Answer 4

You are doing good so far because your top priority is your son. Dating is never easy but the key is to be picky and make it clear what you are looking for and what is important in your life, especially your son. Go slow with guys and be careful, not just for your sake but for your sons. When you first date a guy, date him for a few times on your own away from your son to make sure he is right for you and then start including dates that involve your son and see how that works. It will probably take you awhile to find the right guy but I have no doubt you can do it as long as you always remember this is about both you and your son first and foremost.

Answer 5

Poor you. It's not easy being a single parent but you have to make an effort to get out there for yourself. It won't hurt your son to be left with a babysitter every now and then, say once a week. First thing you need to do is get out so organise a few friends to go on a girls night out and see what happens from there. That's usually how people meet anyway so it should be quite easy for you to meet new guys. If you already know who you want to date just approach him casually and ask him if he'd like to join you for a coffee first and if all goes well you won't need to do anything else as he will probably take the reins from there. Good luck and please, DON'T neglect yourself for the sake of your son. It's not too much to ask that you have a life too and he will have his own life when he's older!

Answer 6

First of all, you don't sound ready. if you were ready, this wouldn't be a question. You would just know.

Secondly, I know it is very important for new romantic interests to love the one they're dating's children BUT, it is MORE important HOW THEY TREAT YOU. This is a HUGE misconception in the world of "dating again after divorce". Many say that "they have to love my children" and yes they do BUT if they love you, the love for your children will be automatic. SO BE VIGILENT ABOUT HOW YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEW LOVE INTEREST.

You see, many, many people get divorced and rarely have they "worked on their own issues" with a therapist or a counselor. They simply blame the relationship without taking responsibility for their part in it and move on. Unfortunatly, many of the same mistakes are repeated or new ones are made. Even though your husband cheated does not mean there weren't things that you can or could have done different. Maybe you were disconnected from him or maybe you nagged or whatever. I'm NOT saying you're a bad person!!!! I am saying that EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OURSELVES AND OUR PARTS IN A RELATIONSHIP IN ORDER TO MAKE A WISE CHOICE IN CHOOSING A PARTNER. Does that make sense?? So if you reflect and maybe even go to counseling for a while, you may discover some weaknesses in yourself that would have caused you to not make a good choice in a partner whereas after counseling, you can make a wise choice and you and your children will be loved and respected. Your children need you to be loved more than they need to be loved. They learn by watching you.

Answer 7

You first approach dating as a fun activity, not a way to meet a future husband: DATE AROUND, but don't sleep around, duh.

Second, after you think you might be falling for a guy, don't bring him home right away, but take it slow for a few weeks/months - introduce him to your friends and family and meet his. The last thing you want is for your child to get attached to this new man, then he gets all confused when you two break up. I've seen it. NG (not good).

Third, you say he should love your son before he commits to you. WRONG! He should be able to love your son, and prove it, before you commit to him, but his love for your son should evolve out of his love for you. Make sense? Contact me, if not.

Finally, after you have a live one, a real good man you can trust with your heart and with your son, see a family/relationship therapist, and possibly a lawyer, to discuss all the ins and outs of your future and that of your son. You need to make responsible, mature decisions that you may not have the life experience or knowledge to make - the therapist or lawyer can clue you in.

Answer 8

First, how recently did you leave your marriage & are you positive there is no chance of reconciliation? Then your child is now you priority. Yes, you are now a package deal, so you need to be careful when becoming involved with another man. Your son still has a father, be careful not to try to replace him...especially if he's an involved father. That can & will complicate an already difficult situation even more.

Answer 9

Great question! Its terrific that you're thinking of your son first. You sound like a great mom.

If I were in your situation I would date and be honest about the fact that you have a son, see how that weighs on the gentleman you're seeing. If he doesn't like it... move on to the next one.. if you do start dating someone seriously ..make sure you are 100% comfortable introducing your son to him. Don't add any responsibilities to this man until he commits to you. Your son is yours not his until he adopts or marries you...(even at this point he'd have to say..I love this child)...
Be careful with the child issue and you'll have a lot of fun out there dating.

:)

Answer 10

You have to go on a few dates with a guy and make sure he is going to be in your life for a while before you even introduce him to your son. Try an organization called parents without partners. Finding someone who is going through what you are going through and atending some support sessions could be beneficial for you.