I have been in a relationship for the past 3years. But my guy is still scared of marraige and commitments!?

Question

The moment I start talking about future my boyfriend changes the topic and backs off. I dont know what is he scared of or is it that he isn't in love with me???

Answer 1

If he's this scared already...unless he's really young...he's not a keeper. The future is going to happen whether he likes it or not and marriage with you would be the logical next step.

Answer 2

Marriage isn't the end of the world, but some people believe things will change and it is possible he doesn't want what you both have together to take a turn for the worse. It's human of him to be scared, but you shouldn't let that make you feel any less of him or feel as if he's not secure and happy with you.

Being hurt in the past can also have an impact on his decision to wait. If he's ever loved before and has been completely let down, that scar won't fade and only time can help him move on.

Just don't pressure him about it and let him make the call. Marriage doesn't prove/disprove love. My father was engaged for 12 years after a bad previous marriage, and it had nothing to do with my stepmother. Maybe just start reassuring him and have subtle talks with him, but don't try to spazz out on him and let him do the talking for the most part. Listening and watching will help you figure this out.

Answer 3

Do I know you? You sound like my girlfriend. The only difference is we have been together 4 years.

A lot of things come into play here. First he very well loves you. I cannot speak for him directly, but in my example love is all there. Second he may not be ready financially to take the next step(engagement ring, plan a wedding with you, moving out, whatever), It has nothing to do with not loving you.

The best thing to do is to talk about it privately. Don't overkill it though or you may get the topic change again, but a few minutes won't hurt anyone.

Answer 4

You don't say how old you two are or whether you're still in school, but assuming you're in your 20's or older and you're not in school, you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Three years is long enough for him to have some idea of whether he sees a future beyond next month with you, and it's not too much to ask him to share his thoughts. His reluctance to discuss it despite your inquiries suggests that either he thinks he's not ready to commit, or that he doesn't want to commit to you. Either way, if you think you're ready to commit your life to someone, you need to explain that to him and tell him that if he's not ready to commit to you, then you need to find someone who is. Then do it. This isn't an ultimatum, because you're not trying to get him to change his mind. But you might find that when he's faced with the prospect of losing you, he might see things a little (or a lot!) differently.

Do what you gotta do, girl! Good luck!

Answer 5

This is an interesting question, but here my infput from a guy's perspective. Your boyfriend probably does love you, but he may just be afraid of losing his freedom. Marriage is a big commitment and he is may be afraid that he will not be able to do the same things he has been doing today. You may need to ask him or assure him that marriage will change things and the both of you need to be flexible to compromise on things. Alternatively, depending how old the both of you are, he may not be ready and wants to continue having his freedom. Another idea is to see if he is willing to live together. It will give him a sense of marriage since you will be in the same household together and you can show him things will be the same and both of you will enjoy each other and other things you do together. Good Luck.

Answer 6

It's not so much the fact that he isn't in love with you. Than it is making this person the one your going to be with forever. Some men think of so much when it comes to marriage that it scares them. They think how are they going to provide for there family, are they financial stable to do this. Will they be a good enough husband. Will they be a good father, etc.

With men getting married alot of responsiblity comes with that more than just saying "I do" and if you have a mate with commitment issues it might take him a little longer to really commimt to that level.

Answer 7

I find that a bit retarted. i dont understand when ppl say they are scared of commitment if they are in a relationship for one as long as yours. its the same thing if u two are living with each other and paying bills then why would marriage be any different? thats what u should ask him. peace. out

Answer 8

It can be he's not ready to settle down, he doesn't think you're the one for him. Best thing to do is straight up and ask him how you fit into his plans and let him know, if you're definately not included in his long term plans, than you want to get out and find someone who wants you in his long term plans, that life is too short to waste it on someone who doesn't plan to be with you in the next 5, 10 or 20 years.

Answer 9

You did not mention your age. But,if he changes subject every time you mention the future...I dont think you have one with him....Move on,Sweetie...You deserve someone who is mature enough to consider your feelings. Time will heal the pain,by the way. Good Luck.

Answer 10

it doesn't matter what his issue is really, what you need to do is decide what you want, if that is marriage and he doesn't want to go there you need to move on to someone who wants the same things as you do, whether you love him or not. its like the situation you would be in if you wanted to have children and were in love with a man that absolutely didn't want children, you may love him very much but you'd have to decide whether you were willing to live your life without being a mother to be with him..you need to decide whether you are willing to live your life with him without a marriage or committment, if you aren't you need to move on. a relationship is successful only if it meets the needs of BOTH the people involved in it.