Can Anyone Help me Please?

Question

I don't know what o do my ex fiance of 21 monthskeeps calling meand blaming me for the miscarriage i had and he doesn't think he has done anything wrong. I don't know what i have done to deserve all this I gave him everything and I gave up some good friends for him. I feel as though i won't be able to find someone who will love me i feel so ugly because of my ex what can i do to stop feeling like this

Whilst i was in hospital recovering from the miscarriage he was cheating on me.

Answer 1

I hate to hear/see people with this problem. I feel you. The good news is that this guy is an ex. Stop letting him into your life, and above all, stop letting him blame you for the miscarriage. That is NOT your fault! What a horrible man to say such things and make you feel bad for something that was beyond your control and no doubt saddened you completely. But now that he's an ex, you CAN take control of your life. It's so easy. Just do it, like Nike says. Spend some time with your friends and if you feel like you have no friends, get out there and make some. Finding a new activity or hobby is just what you need to keep busy. Do something that makes you feel good and makes you happy, just for you. You'll make other friends to spend time with and you might just meet someone special. The more you focus on yourself and your own happiness, the more fulfilled you'll truly feel inside. Don't put up with this guy anymore. Change your number if you must and get an unlisted one so he stops calling you. If the harrassment continues, get your local authorities involved. He is not allowed to torment you and there are laws in place to protect you from scumbags like him. Good luck.

Answer 2

Dear J F,
I am really sorry you lost your baby. It happens sometimes. More women today have miscarriages then they do c-section. I would:
1. Invite him to have a heart-to-heart talk with you.
2. if that doesn't work change your number
3. Pray for him constantly. It might work.
4. Try convincing him to go to a psychiatrists and explain that you feel as guilty as he does.
I hope things work out with you two. I have no clue what it's like to even be pregnant. You should thank God everyday you would've carried your child for as long as you did. And, did the baby have a name? Try this: Every time you mention 'the baby' use the name instead. That will help, if you find its too bearable then just stop. I advice going to Church more often too. I am really sorry for any problems the miscarriage might have caused you, but, think of it this way, you might not have been able to HAVE the baby, but, it's better it went to heaven then living in this world with crime and murders. I would much rather loose my baby to a miscarriage then to some rapist. Just pray about it and maybe it will get better. (And I'm sure your sick of people saying how sorry they are for you. I know, it doesn't help, does it?)

Answer 3

First of all, change your phone number. The longer you allow him to hurt you, the longer you will hurt. The word "allow" here is the key. Second you are not ugly. Beautiful is a perception of society. If you feel ugly, it is because you are comparing yourself to those around you and giving yourself the raw end of the deal. You are beautiful, no matter what you look like. Third, find a support group for singles...and if you must look online for dating, find a reputable place like e-harmony. And fourth - do little things to make you feel good about yourself. Buy a great smelling perfume to make you feel more feminine. Maybe change your hairstyle - a color and cut can do wonders for self-image. Buy a new outfit - and don't forget the "underwear". No matter your size - whether thin, stocky, overweight, feminine undergarments make you feel beautiful. Get your nails done, even if you bite them. Go to decent establishments, like a bowling alley or restaurant bar and grille - even if you have to eat alone. They are great places to meet a new friend or a future love interest. I wish you the best, and remember, you have the power to make yourself feel good. Find tiny bits of happiness in the small things each day. They will sustain you until you are stronger.

Answer 4

First, stop taking his calls. He is an ex for a reason. It didn't work out.

Second, if you didn't intentionally do anything to cause the miscarriage, it is no one's fault.

Finally, you don't need someone in your life who can not be there for you in good times and bad. Say good bye to him. Give yourself time to heal and stop being a victim. Look for a support group of women of have had miscarriages and time will heal this wound. You don't need some jerk pushing you through an emotional roller coaster.

Be well.

Answer 5

Dont speak to him on the phone, if he writes, bin the letters unopened- in fact, just have nothing to do with him. He is not only an absolute ****, but a control freak of the worst kind. You are a sweet, pretty girl who has had an awful experience, and no support from the one person who should have been there, so be STRONG. When he calls you next tell him to **** off and just put the phone down. Let him see he doesnt control you, or your life, and start living for yourself again. Get in touch with your friends and let them know it wasnt their fault you stopped seeing them, and move on. God bless, and very good luck xx

Answer 6

Why do you continue to take his calls? Expecting something different to happen some time? Give it up! Move on!

You are not what other people say you are; you are exactly and precisely an amazing, unique, talented, lovely, gracious and marvelous person. It all may be hidden under the burden that you are carrying but it is there.

Perhaps you might consider some grief counseling or group sessions to deal with your losses. Sometimes it helps to get other perspectives on life.

Find the wonderful person that you are and ignor those who say otherwise.

Answer 7

Kick his sorry *** out of your life. Fair enough if he was just grieving when you lost the baby - but to cheat - nope girl get the hell out of that relationship, he's not worthy of you.
You'll find someone who loves you unconditionally and WILL make you feel beautiful again.
As for not having any friends - join a club or a gym - or maybe if you explain the situation to your old mates, they'll forgive you.
Chin up babes, you just need to reorganise your life - you'll be fine, it'll be hard breaking the engagement - but hes a fool. You can do MUCH better

Answer 8

#1) It wasn't your faiult for the mis-carriage. #2) Move away fro this guy, he has shown you what a creep he is #3) There are alot of caring guys out there that would not place blame or act so cold as to place blame on you for what you cannot control.
Who can know why these things happen? You are much better off losing such a crass *** of a person. My years and experience have taught me well. A person like this b/f of yours is not worth keeping. breaking away from someone you love is hard to do, staying with one who does not love you back is harder, but in the long run in life, much better. Would you really want this person to be the father of your child? Move on to a person you would want to be there for you.

Answer 9

You gave up friends for this guy? A serious sign of an abuser. I'm sorry for your loss. It's devastating. They should have some local support group for those who suffer losses as yours. Check with your hospital and/or doctor. Tell ex to go there as well. Refuse, and I mean REFUSE to listen to anymore of this blaming stuff. Hang up. You're too good for this. In fact, don't accept anymore calls from him. Your body failed, not you. Now, go find some ways to build your self esteem. Talk with your clergy at church or a rabbi. The support groups works wonders. Good luck, dear.

Answer 10

Oh, that suck, I am very sorry. Have nothing to do with your ex ever again. Unless you actively did some intending to end you pregnancy it wasn't your fault, Don't believe it. It is natural to mourn the loss of your baby and complicate it with a jerk and a break up is exasperating. You are having a rough time. Turn to faith, friends and family. Time will pass and eventually you will feel better, but your feelings are legitimate and you deserve support and comfort now.