I became engaged last summer. My fiancee wants me to convert into his religion. But I'm not ready.?

Question

His mom and my mom are involved in this and it's a big mess. What should I do?

Answer 1

Whoa. Nobody should ever be forced to convert to any religion. See how he'd feel about converting to yours.

Answer 2

Well he should have thought about this before you guys got engaged. Why is he asking you to convert now after getting engaged? Also, you shouldn't convert if you don't want to b/c it wouldn't be from your heart. You can't follow a religion that your heart doesn't belong to. Also, I had done a research on interfaith marriages and studies have shown that many couples involved in interfaith marriages get divorced. I would provide you with the links but I need to find my research paper. Anyway, that's not the point here. My point is that you've got yourself in a sticky situation because if you do not convert and if he still accepts you, the problems will still remain. Why? Well according to the studies, interfaith marriages do not work because of family conflicts (which you're facing already) and because of the confusion it causes among the children. Think about it...if you have kids, what religion he/she will follow? If your fiance is already fussing about religion then most likely you guys will have conflicts if you don't convert. The way I see it, you can't change your religion only because of your fiance and if you still keep your religion and marry him, you might face other conflicts especially with his family. You should think about whether this relationship is worth the conflicts. Also, keep in mind that when you marry someone, you're marrying their whole family b/c family is always involved in whatever goes on in your marriage life.Remember you have to consider all the possibilities. I hope you make the best decision for you. Good luck and I wish you the best!

Answer 3

You're not ready or you don't want to at all? I can honestly say that religion isn't something that should be entered into so you can marry someone. Faith is about your personal relationship with God (or whomever) and someone insisting you change your religion to please them - well it's ridiculous. It encourages people to "change" religions with a few likely consequences:

1. You (general you) begin to resent the person who made you change and this is never good.

2. You (general you) don't really convert spiritually, just go through the motions - and then are unable to follow through with the requirements of the religion itself.

3. You (general you) sacrifice yourself for someone else. You (general you) should *always* be free to worship who, how and what you feel is right for you. Your faith is not a bargaining chip.

In addition, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to tell these women to butt out. Part of being a grown-up is doing things that need to be done whether you want to or not. This is YOUR decision (the faith conversion), not your mom's, your future MIL's OR your fiance's. If your fiance would leave you because you won't casually toss aside your faith life to embrace his, then honey you need to move on. Seriously. Do you want someone who can control the most intimate part of yourself? Your relationship with God? I wouldn't.

Good luck.

Answer 4

It's fine if you're different religions, but if he's trying to convert you already I'd say that's a BAD sign. Religion is a very personal thing, and no one should ever try to force you one way or the other. Talk about this with him, and if he doesn't understand then I would seriously consider your decision to marry him -- this issue could be indicative of many more to come, and he may think he can bully you into being however he wants you to be.

Answer 5

Oh, oh! Big trouble for the rest of your lives. It sounds archaic but this is not going to work. Religion is a big thing. You need...did you hear me...need to be on the same page. Love might seem like enough but love can die with big things like this. You may think me cruel but it would be best to call it off. I'm sorry. This will be very hard to do no matter what you choose. You will be much better off out of this. It gives me chills to think that the moms are all involved too. Honey, run!!!!!!

Answer 6

You can convert to any religion if it doesn't matter. Then, it is a matter of a "social religious experience". Otherwise, it is a deeply personal choice and should be decided by only one person.

Your fiancee should decide what is more important...having you in his life or satisfying his religious demands. This may mushroom into something very serious later. What if you change your mind as you progress spiritually and leave "his religion". Then, what happens to your marriage and your future children?

Answer 7

First, what kind of religion, and second, how long have you two been together? If it's a religion like, Buddha or some false African or Korean god, don't do it! We all know there is only one God. That is the only God you should worship, and if your fiancee loves you, then, he will respect your decisions. Women need to be independent. If you don't like the practice or religion that they are wanting you to get involved with, then don't tell them straight up!

Answer 8

Congratulations on your engagement, but remember you both need to love and accept eachother for who you are. If you are a firm believer in your faith, then I agree, don't change. However, why did you tell him you would if you had mixed feelings? Why is it though that you have to change religions for HIM? Is it him, or his family? How does your family feel about it. I personally have a childhood friend that found love with a man of another religion. Neither insisted on the other changing - it just doesn't seem right. He/you should love eachother for the person that you are. Best of luck with your situation. :)

Answer 9

Follow your heart. You will not be happy in your marriage if you convert with reservations on your mind. You will feel pressured and resent him. You will also feel spiritually taxed to believe in something you don't necessarily believe in yourself whole heartedly. You could compromise. Go to each others' services every other Sunday or whatever. That way you can remain your religion, and he his, but you still go together. Many couples have found this to work. Who is performing your marriage ceremony? This will be something that you will need to work through with your pastor/marriage counselor. (Most marriage officiants require prenuptial counseling.) I would also like to add that no matter what either mom says, it's YOUR decision. Good luck!!

Answer 10

Have you tried talking to him about how uncomfortable you are with the idea? It is a big step to convert to another religion...I think he could understand that and give you some time. I'd say try to convince him first and then have him talk to you mother if you manage to win him over to your side. It's going to be tough, but stand your ground. You'll be unhappy if you don't follow your heart here.

Answer 11

If your not ready or you don't want to convert to his religion that is your choice and he should respect that. If a guy won't marry you or gets mad at you for such a choice then he probably isn't the guy for you. No one says two people can't be happy together being from different religions.