How can I become more assertive?

Question

ANyone know of any assertiveness training?

Answer 1

Get a customer-facing job. Something where you're required to talk with customers all day long.

I guarantee, you'll develop confidence and assertiveness.

Answer 2

ha ha, HiAmp, you're completely right!

My wife used to be non-assertive and very sweet/soft. She is still sweet (of course), but now that she's had to deal with customers for a number of years, she is tough-as-nails.

Oh, she's always polite (well, almost), and is VERY professional... but she's had to learn how to push back sometimes or be very firm in her role, so she wasn't eaten alive or consumed by guilt.

The big principle on assertiveness is, "Give yourself the same opportunities to assert yourself as you give others."

You are probably very sensitive and open to other people, listening to them and letting them speak their mind. But you're scared to do so yourself.

But most people are actually prepared to let you offer your opinion. If you don't, they actually assume you don't care or don't have an opinion. You're being harder on yourself than they are.

(You just have to be willing to live with what you say, so just make sure you are stating yourself clearly and comfortably, not as an emotional reaction but because you believe it.)

Also, if you have authority in your position or area of expertise (as a parent, or as a member of your work-team), allow yourself to use that authority. Be fair, but also take advantage of it. Don't overstep your bounds, but take pride in taking charge and responsibility in your areas of skill. You have every right to do so.

Again, most people already assume you will do this. When you don't, they get confused or think you have no confidence or competence.

You will always find a few jerks who will fight you just because they can, and you have to learn to accept that their opinions don't influence how you decide to live.

I say this only as someone else who was extremely non-assertive and had to learn how to be productive in my roles at work/home and contribute my talents effectively. It will take a lot of practice, and the anxiety does take time to diminish.

Give yourself the privilege of feeling uncomfortable for awhile, and just remind yourself that either "you are in charge in this situation" (if you are) and that "you know what you're talking about" (if you do). Be patient and don't quit.

Answer 3

Assertiveness is a skill taught by many personal development experts and psychotherapists and the subject of many popular self-help books. It is linked to self-esteem and considered an important communication skill.

As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is distinguished from aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries; their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts. Passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries and thus allow aggressive people to harm or otherwise unduly influence them. They are also typically not likely to risk trying to influence anyone else. Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others while trying to influence them. A person communicates assertively by not being afraid to speak his or her mind or trying to influence others, but doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of others. They are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive incursions.

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Techniques
Perhaps the most popular technique advocated by assertiveness experts is the Broken record technique. This consists of simply repeating your requests every time you are met with illegitimate resistance. The term comes from vinyl records, the surface of which when scratched would lead the needle of a record player to loop over the same few seconds of the recording indefinitely.

Another technique some suggest is called Fogging, which consists of finding some, limited truth to agree with in what an antagonist is saying. More specifically, one can agree in part or agree in principle.

Negative inquiry consists of requesting further, more specific criticism. Negative assertion, on the other hand, is agreement with criticism without letting up demand.

Answer 4

To be more assertive, you need to stand up for yourself and not care about what you say to people. You speak whats on your mind and you can try to not hurt people but you do not hold **** inside. You let that out and stop being a punk. Be a tough cookie and show people what you got....

Answer 5

The next time you're in a situation that calls for assertiveness, make yourself be highly assertive. Once you are sincerely and certianly assertive, it comes easier and easier every time. Have no fear my friend; No Fear.

Answer 6

Just google the phrase.

Start small, learn to say NO. People will still like you if you tell them no. They will actually respect you more.

Being assertive doesn't mean being obnoxious. It just means you love yourself and put your needs on an equal plane with everyone else. Good luck...

Answer 7

why would u wanna be assertive..i hate assertive people they like tell u what to do dont be assertive but dont let people walk all over you.

Answer 8

assertive is not actually the greatest thing to have. Be yourself and that will get you further in life.

Answer 9

when you feel that one of your rights are being violated, say like you are standing in a qeue, and someone just barjed in infront of you...you ASK!!! them to please get back behind you, because this is your place in the qeue. If they don't listen, or just ignore, then tell them, to move down the line with a serious, firm but calm tone of voice. That should start you off as practice..you'll get the hang of it later on.....
Good luck

Answer 10

Start with your mom. Don't just say "yes" to her on things you don't want to or disagree with. Confront her. Once you've dealed with her, you can go and deal with your boss. After that, the world is yours.