Just not happy?

Question

been married for 7 years. 2 kids. my husband gives me no attention, he's not interested in sex and after many discussions about it he still makes no effort. I am dying for some attention/sex. We are hardly speaking at present. I recently bumped into an old flame from about 10 years ago. He gave me all the attention I needed. We swapped numbers. He's married and a bad boy. What should I do? Contact him for no strings attached sex?

Answer 1

It depends on how much it is worth it to you. Would your husband leave you if he found out ? Would he take the kids? Will this other guy show you some attention for a while then go back to his wife, leaving you worse off than you are now? I say go for it but only if your are prepared to accept the consequences of what could happen.

Answer 2

In essence your husband's taking you for granted and loss of interest in you physically is causing you to seek validation / attention / affection / proof that you are still attractive, elsewhere.

You say that this is continuing after many discussions. In the course of these discussions did he promise to change or offer any explanation? (It could be that he does not touch you any more because he can no longer maintain an erection and is too embarassed to face it)

If during the discussion he did not promise to change, next time why not ask him if he would prefer for you both to have physical relationships outside the marriage - but agree to stay together for the security and kids etc.

If he does not agree to an open marriage then tell him how much you want to save the marriage and tell him that this lack of interest is making you feel unattractive and worthless. Describe ways that he could show you how much he cares on a daily basis.

The trick here is not to be accusitive or generalise either. Don't say you always blah blah. Try to frame it in a way that you sound as though you have the problem, not him and that his kissing you before he leaves the house each day etc - would help you so much right now.

I guess what I am saying is try to repair your marriage first and only do anything that could potentially be damaging when you are certain that your primary relationship is either beyond repair, or would not suffer as a result.

Personnally I think you are entitled to the no-strings attached sex, if your husband is neglecting you - but most women can't do the no strings attached. We form attachments, we fall in love and the problem there is that you may wreck your entire life for someone who just wants a fling.

Answer 3

You're going to make the call anyway. As bad as your husband contributes to your happiness, you must realize before making the call that when the affair is discovered and the marriage begins to disintegrate and your misdeed is made known to the kids in very uncomplimentary ways, you will be the one in the end that's forced to be on the defensive and made to look like the bad wife. I'm not saying not to go through with your plan. Just have the foresight to imagine the future and how it will most likely unfold when he finds out. Go in with eyes wide open.

Answer 4

No, this isn't the answer to your problems, and your husband could find out and use it against you in court if you end up divorcing. I've been there, I totally know how you feel, but trust me an affair would only be a temporary fix and you'll feel worse about yourself later. Think how you would feel if your kids found out...you're their mother, conduct yourself in a way that would make them proud of you. Obviously you have needs that aren't being met, but the first step should be either counseling or divorce -- never cheating.

Answer 5

I suggest that you be honest with your husband & tell him what you are feeling, tell him that you are ready to give up and ready to stray because he just doesnt make the effort anymore and that you are missing and needing the attention. Do not have sex with this old flame, that would destroy two marriages. Divorce your husband first if you do decide to stray. Good Luck to you

Answer 6

The other guy just seems more attractive to you because the one you're with is such a loser, hold out, see if the marriage has sunk to the ocean bed then get out, the grass ain't always greener, the other guy still has smelly feet and skid marks in his pants lol...don't jump pout of a **** marriage to pain and heartache with someone who's only in it for sex, mind you not a bad ego boost, maybe just one shag? okay shutting up, but TALK to him, see why he's being an ****, ask him if its worth fighting for or you walk, see what he says, he might need a short sharp shock, you say you've tried talking, well he obviously isn't listening, he needs a wake up call

Answer 7

No, don't contact him. No matter how bad your marriage is, don't cheat on your husband. You WILL regret it for the rest of your life. It will eat away at you and destroy your self esteem. You will never forget it, it will follow you the rest of your life. If your that unhappy in your marriage, ask your husband for a divorce. Then find someone who will give you love and attention.

Answer 8

If your feeling like this that usually means your husband is going through something as well. Seek help ususally a third party an impartial one helps shed light on things.

Answer 9

erm no, sounds like your hubby needs to make more of an effort, or you are out. Cheating in the cowards way out. If you are really miseable split up with him, but don't wreck your marriage for a silly fling.

Answer 10

No you should not contact him. You need counseling and help. talk to your husband and see why he is not interested in sex or being with you? There has to be more to this story then what you are saying here. Do not cheat please!!!! Get help for your marriage or get out now!