I have been with my GF for 7 years, we are still young i am 24 she is 25. I have been with other people and she says she hasn't. A month ago today she told me she wanted to take a break. She is in Med School and about take the boards(huge life changing test) she has not been intimate with me over the past few months..did i mention we have almost always been in a long distance relationship? We have been through tough times and she seems like she is willing to work things out, but not right now...everyone, including her is telling me not to put my life on hold. She isn't cheating, she still loves me but is says she is not in love right now and can't promise she will be, but wants us to be together. Whats her deal? why is she being so selfish?
2006-06-22 07:46:39 · 19 answers · asked by dave g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would just say do what u want when u want if things work out between u two great but u can't put your life on hold for someone who's not willing to do the same.. And I don't think her saying shes not in love right now is a good thing.
2006-06-22 08:46:43 · answer #1 · answered by DPage 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she is being selfish at all. She is trying to get her life in order so that she will be financially stable enough to maybe start a life with you. 7 years is a long time. You guys are young. Take a break and stop stressing over stuff. I am 25 with three kids, and an ex-husband - believe me, let her be selfish now. Here's just a little thing I have learned about women, including myself: If you back off from her just a little, find something that keeps you occupied, she will want you so bad!!! I know, I've been that way myself........
2006-06-22 08:52:27 · answer #2 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she holding on to you like a security blanket. She doesn't love you anymore but is scared to let you go fully because 1. She is used to always having you for 7 years 2. She is scared of dating again and holding on to you makes her feel wanted by a man 3. She is young and confused.
I am sorry to say that I have been there too at about her age too. I held onto my 5 year relationship long after I fell out of love for all the wrong reasons ( and yes most of them are selfish ones). So dude all I can say is move on so you can find the girl that is right for you.
2006-06-22 08:17:56 · answer #3 · answered by Kellidoscope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she has a lot going on - but also sounds like she isn't placing your relationship or you in an important role in her life. Honestly, I don't care how much you have going on - having someone who loves you, respects you, and supports you never negatively affects your school or work. When I hear people say things like what your gf told you I think it's a load of crap. I also never understand how people say they aren't in love, but still love the person and want to be with them.
Since you aren't together with her and she doesn't want a relationship then you should move on. You can talk to her and be honest about how you feel - let her know how much you love her and want to be there for her. If she doesn't want the relationship even still - then start seeing other people, you are a free man.
2006-06-22 07:54:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like she's being selfish to me - sounds pretty UNSELFISH to let you down gently. She's got things she needs to accomplish, a relationship may not be one of those things.
She's in Med School - are you working on a career of your own? This is the time of your life where you should be focusing on that and not getting sidetracked with relationships.
2006-06-22 14:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by lilbubgigi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't want to hurt your feelings because she cares for you. That's why she is sugar coating the break-up....
Let me translate: "I love you but I not in love with you" means: I care for you as a friend but not in a romantic away anymore.
"I can't promise you that will be in love with you in the future" means: there is no chance that we will be a couple again. Just friends.
"My life is changing " means: I've decided to move on from the old and start fresh and new
"Don't put your life on hold for me" really means : Don't wait for me because I won't be back and you will be waiting for nothing.
You are the one being selfish by not listening to what she is trying to tell you. Does she have to be rude and cut you off completly for you to back off?
I know that it hurts and is hard to let go, but by all means... the advice given to you is right...
MOVE ON
Ps/ Sorry dude. I'm just trying to be honest.
2006-06-22 08:01:28 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
....Move on. Long distance relationships are really difficult to maintain and most people stray in them. She has a lot of schooling ahead of her and needs to put her attention there. You should have numerous relationships by the time you reach 24-25 so enjoy dating again...
2006-06-22 08:42:33 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you've really fallen hard from this blow to your ego. You're feeling a little inferior, like she wants to trade you in for a better model, eventually. You are questioning the advice your peers and family are giving you, because you seem to know in your heart that you want to Marry This Woman.
First of all, don't let anyone dictate how you live your life. You Have a Right to feel what your heart feels, to want what your heart wants, and to pursue the happiness that you believe is better than any other happiness. So don't feel guilty, don't feel like there's something wrong with you, and don't feel like the end of the world has dropped upon you.
You accuse her of selfishness - I think you know the reality is more that she is taking time off from you and your rel. to focus on her career and her future plans (which may or may not include you). It's OK to feel your life is on hold, but you have to prepare yourself for the shock that she is over you. It's also OK to try to let her know how much you care about her and want a future with her, but respect her wish to limit contact from you.
You can't really understand what is going on in her life, in her head, or in her heart. It is up to her to explain that to you, but on her terms, in her own time, not yours. Be patient, be available, be loyal and forgiving, but do find things to do and people to hang out with while you're waiting for her to take you back. The best way to win her back is to let her be herself and prove to her that you care about the things she cares about, even though you don't have much interest in those things in themselves.
2006-06-22 08:06:16 · answer #8 · answered by im_a_fun_nut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok WAIT....first off let me state her being SELFISH would be her saying, wait for me. She is telling you to move on and I dont see that as selfish in anyway. Now, she probably just needs time to think and figure out how exactly she wants her life to go, and what she wants to do. You know they say, if you love something let it go...if it comes back then it was meant to be. Kinda cheesy but thats how I see it, move on and see what happens.
2006-06-22 08:02:40 · answer #9 · answered by Mz_AmanDA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is trying to be nice to not break your heart when she really doesn't want to be with you anymore. thats the truth and you must accept it. i know she still cares for you thats why she says the things she says to give you hope, but most likely you guys wont happen again. just gather your dignity and move on, don't wait for her. this isn't a love movie you won't always have a happy ending with the ones you love.....
2006-06-22 08:31:13 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Miss X♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋