How do you tell a guy to be more masculine without totally crushing his ego?

Question

A friend of mine is VERY nice and sensitive, but he never stands up to his wife - she's always right. And he's afraid to tell her anything that might upset her because he doesn't want to lose her. I've told him that he needs to work on his self-esteem already, but I think he's not manly enough to stand up to her. I know he loves his wife a TON, but I feel bad that she's always walking over him. She's my good friend, too - and she's a nice person, but VERY independent and I know she's not happy in their relationship and wants him to be more assertive... UGH!!!! HELP!

Answer 1

Hmm, that's a tough one. You could just let the situation work itself out on its own...you don't want to risk losing them as friends, I'm sure. But if some well-intended advice would help this man, then it hardly seems fair to hold it back. Does he know that his wife wants him to more assertive? If this isn't something that's part of his personality, it's going to difficult to change, but not impossible. Personalities are fairly enduring, but with the right training he could learn to be more assertive. Maybe you could just say something like: "you're such a nice guy and I know you don't want to risk losing ____, but being more assertive would actually make you more attractive to her while making you feel better at the same time. I think you should try working on that, you really don't have anything to lose since she's not happy anyway". Maybe you could research ways of helping him beforehand, so that you can present that information to him at the same time...saying something like you care enough about he and his wife to want to see them happier, so you found a therapist that could help (I don't know that he really needs a therapist, but something). Good luck -

I wanted to add one more thing because I was just reading over the other answers and a couple of them made me think of something: if and when your friend does get it right and decides not to be the doormat anymore, this may present a huge threat to his wife. She might not be okay with his new and improved personality at all and decide to leave him (or make him suffer through her jealousy and insecurity about it)...but he would still be better off, and maybe these two weren't meant to be together in the first place and his self-improvement will be the catalyst for necessary change. This was the case with my mother and father. She was very insecure and jealous, got the help she needed, improved, and my father couldn't take it -- he liked her being the subservient doormat. So they ended up divorcing, but both were better off because of it.

Answer 2

I would say that put them in one room and tell the woman to stop crushng his ego and tell him to be a man. Take some control. If that doesn't work, ask the woman to give him things to do so he would feel like a man. For example things that a woman ussually wouldn't be able to do by herself. Try talking to a guy straight forward, tell him that he needs to be a man in order to keep his wife happy. It might work knowing that he loves his wife. But try and understand that it will take time for a guy to change. He needs to understand that he might loose his wife because of the way he acts, it might help him to change.
Good luck

Answer 3

People can't walk on you unless you let them. If he were to become more assertive chances are their relationship would end. That may well be the best for them both however. She may claim she wants an assertive guy, but if being married to a doormat were so horrid, she'd have ended things already or gotten them into couples counseling. Ya can't force him to get a backbone...he has to one to have one...which means he has to be willing to accept responsibility for his actions and words, and not just live life being told what to do and how to feel.

Answer 4

He is doing the right thing by trying not to have any beef with her by just agreeing with her. He is a real man for that, b/c majority of the men out here don't even want their wives to say anything in an argument. He is very masculine for that. He loves her and I think you should stay out of their marriage, b/c if you can't say anything to them to try and keep them together, then you need not say anything at all to break them apart.

Answer 5

First, do no longer tell him that he's poor in mattress. it's going to make him experience poor. while you're into him, then make an effort to coach him. while he's doing something suited once you're the two in mattress, tell him and inspire him. while he's doing something incorrect, tell him which you prefer something else or choose issues completed yet differently. Get a rubdown e book, talk approximately what you the two like and do in comparison to. Get all the way down to specifics. while you're actually not into him that a lot, then do no longer make investments time into coaching him and pass directly to somebody else.

Answer 6

I not too sure you can.

I am, for a better word, a wimp. I do not stand up for myself at all.

But, at some point, I have. Bits and pieces, but I have.

He will have to figure it out for himself.

If you tell him, he will have even more problems since we guys are like babies and anything someone says about us hurts.

But, if you can give input without directly telling him could get that point across.

Yes, MEN ARE BABIES WITHOUT THE DIAPER!

Answer 7

People will walk all over the ones that let them. If he stands up to her and adresses the issue in a nice way then maybe she will respect him more and then maybe they can both be happy.

Answer 8

Just tell him. He might get upset initially but he'll either realize that he need to change or realize that he in fact is gay.

Answer 9

Just tell him out straight. he prolly needs a good crushin'. anythig that doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Answer 10

This isn't your problem to solve - it's THEIRS. Be a real friend and butt out.