I never go through with leaving, what is worse he doesn't even beg me to stay. He shows me the door with a smile and when I don't go through it..he says" I knew it, you won't ever leave" meaning he can't ever get rid of me. He is a good father without a doubt. But I am property, like a pet..provides basic things to live. How did I get here?
2006-06-22 07:39:54 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with the first answer that you need professional help, preferably from a live therapist or counsellor, or at least from a book - Not a magazine. But in seeking help, you need to be willing to face your fears, face the hard truths of "how you got here," and face the future with confidence and self-respect.
If you aren't willing to make that investment in yourself and your future happiness, not to mention the well-being of your kids, then you really should shut up and quit your lousy whining.
Your husband "knows" that you are a pushover with no sense of self-love or independent identity. It is UP TO YOU TO PROVE HIM WRONG. And that's where you need help, cuz you have a track record of making a move but not following through.
If you're looking for a pity party of people to say, "Aww, you are so right, so victimized, so wonderful, and he has no right to treat you that way. You poor, poor baby you!" - LOOK ELSEWHERE!
If you're looking for some practical advice, check out the following websites:
2006-06-22 08:55:18 · answer #1 · answered by im_a_fun_nut 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is the trill of the hunt. "nice guys are nice but they don't pull your hair" is the motto i have adorned on many females i know. who say the same thing. they cannot stand on their own and their men know that. being a "good father" is your answer. you are putting the child first. that is a good quality for a mother but not a wife. You need to draw a t scale. good qualities on one side bad on the other. not including the children aspect. then and only then can you leave. A husband being abusive to a wife is not a good father because it affect the children and a "good father would not put his children in that environment. Children are not stupid they hear and see much more than we give them credit for. When a husband can be a good husband will make him a better candidate to be a great father.
2006-06-22 17:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please contact a battered women's shelter and at least get advice. They can help you through this, and you absolutely need to leave. No matter how great a father you think he may be, abusing you in front of his kids makes him a horrible father. You deserve so much better, and your kids need to see you happy. I'm sure you're depressed and terrified of living on your own, and these things are what keeps you from walking out the door. Show him that you can do it...more importantly, show yourself that you can do it. Just make sure you have help, though. Good luck!!!
2006-06-22 08:22:19 · answer #3 · answered by partlycloudy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have gone through as well mostly because not sure of what is out there and how to do it alone, maybe should hide the money for at least a week in a hotel let him sweat then see what happens maybe he will change cause he will know you will leave most just need a wake up think you could never leave good luck,
2006-06-22 07:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by BRIAN J R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of the relationship - just because he's a good father - doesn't mean that you have to put yourself through this - children learn by example - you need to have more confidence in yourself - walk about that door and don't look back - prove to him that you are through with this relationship - it will be better for you and your child - you don't want your child witnessing an abusive relationship - it's not healthy - stand up for yourself and be strong - I'm not saying it will be easy - but you can find another man who loves you and shows you - not someone who beats you - have SELF CONFIDENCE
2006-06-22 07:46:29 · answer #5 · answered by kaije03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to get your plan and get things in order, then just do it.
It takes lots of courage to pack up and go, but once you get to your new place.... it is a big relief. Don't let him know where you are living... and if he is that controlling, get a restraining order on him so he can't try to win you back..... Remember girls, it is that heart and flower cycle... he beats you up, he says sorry, and you get flowers... I love flowers, but all the flowers in the world could not replace the feeling that I had when I left out on my own with my kids.....Its great, you struggle, but you do it, you do it for you and you do it for the kids.
Remember, have a plan in place, - don't leave clues lying around the house... when he goes to work.... move!
Also, rally your friends around you.. .they can help. Don't be afraid to let them know what an Butt Head he is. Oh and document everything!!!! It will all come up in court. It is time women stopped being afraid of their husbands and started taking control of their own lives. Just be careful....police can be a woman's best friend, or their enemy... it depends who calls them.
I have been divorced from my controlling abusive husband for 4 years now..... and he still is an Butt Head. But my kids are finally starting to realize that he is. Take the high road and don't talk about your Butt husband in front of the kids... it makes you look like the bad person in their eyes. I have rambled on enough....
Remember, you are not a posession.....I hope this helps you
2006-06-22 08:29:57 · answer #6 · answered by Cindy D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married a guy who doesn't have the love and respect for his wife that every woman should have. You don't leave because you love him and you love your family. It's a shame he takes advantage of you the way he does.
If he is abusing you - I don't see how he could be a fantastic father - he would be teaching his kids that it's ok to abuse women and to treat your wife like dirt. What kind of message is that sending to your children? If he's abusing you, you should talk to someone you trust and get the courage up to take your kids and leave. If your husband really loves his family he will get into counseling and make a change. You and your kids don't deserve to live the way you are living now.
2006-06-22 07:49:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as trust, that is something that comes from yourself. I was diagnosed in 1990 with dissociative disorder, then 1995 as bi-polar. Since then, I have been re-diagnosed as having Complex PTSD caused by severe childhood physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I have been married for 22 years, and the life I put my family through is not one anyone should have to endure. As you, my wife and children walked on eggshells, because at any time, I could snap. Just a word could set me off. A lot of times the intense rage and anger I felt at the time was a flashback, but I did not properly direct my anger. I was like a tidal wave that would just wipe out everything in my path. I love my wife with all my heart, but had no control over my own stability. The medications they put me on would work for a while, but then the nightmares would come back and I would turn to alcohol to kill the dreams. That didn't work either, the anger and rage was always just under the skin. I have changed some, although our relationship is severely strained. She has left me more times than I can count, and I feel miserable, guilty, and shamed. I promise to do better, manipulate situations, and control my emotions. What I have learned through counseling is that I had no control over certain reactions at the time. I had not dealt with the root causes of my situation and that is why I felt I could not trust, love, or be loved. My wife is very supportive of my situation, even after all the heartache I have caused her. Right now, we are just taking things one day at a time. I don't know what the future will bring us, but because I am actively seeking help, I hope that I can be the person she fell in love with again. As far as trusting your husband again, no, you cannot. The question he should be asking himself is can he learn to trust himself, and if he really loves you, he will get the help he needs with his issues, but it may take you leaving him to get him to see. No one should have to endure abuse, even if it is the byproduct of a psychological disorder. I was abused, and I hate myself at times because I became what I hated most.
2016-05-20 11:41:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably like many abusers he makes you feel like he does you a favor putting up with you. And makes you feel stupid and that what happened was your fault, There is no truth to any of that, that is the way that he controls you. Hon get out now it will not get any better unless he gets help and it could get so bad that he kills you. Put him in jail that is where he belongs. No person has a right to hit another unless it is protecting yourself or someone else. Or go to an abuse shelter call the police or abuse hot line they will get you to a safe place.
2006-06-22 08:01:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has probably already brain washed you to believe that you cant and wont leave. Good father or not he is abusing you and in my eyes that isnt a good father. Sounds like he knows he doesnt have to beg you to stay that you will do it any way. Leave him..you deserve better and so does those kids.
2006-06-22 07:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋