what do i do ?

Question

i met a man whose wife past away 5 months ago. he's retired and
he is very stable material wise . he's very warmth beautiful person . loveable , and comes all the way from where he lives to see me . about an hour drive away from me . he loves to travel and he has been taking me out of town alot , dinning out to diffrent places and he is a good nice gentlemen. he calls me 4 times a day and before i go to bed to wish me good night . i'm starting to fall for him . he hugs me alot & caress me with caring ways . the only thing is that he talks ALOT about his decease wife . sometimes too, too much . he has pictures of her all around the house, and always says, " this is the place me and my wife came " .or " this place is where me and my wife would eat " . i have been very nice about it and just smile . i don't want to hurt his feelings and i want to give him all the time he needs to grieve or whatever it is . i don't want to stop seeing him . i would like to hear from you ............

my sis read this and was so happy to know that there are alot of caring good people that gave good concern answers . this meant alot to her . thanks all of you from me ,......sapphire

Answer 1

Give him time. Depending on how long he was married and how much he loved his wife will pretty much determine how much time it will take him to stop thinking and talking about her so much. Remember, everything he talks about are memories to him. His memories are no longer real because his wife is now deceased and I'm sure he misses her. Gradually, he will think and talk more about you as both of you get closer and as both of you get to know each other. Also remember, that you can never take the place of his of wife so don't try to do so. She has a place in his heart and mind, but he is opening up his heart and mind to you now, so be patient. He sounds like he likes you and your company, and that he is attracted to you, so don't despair. Give him time and space to finish the grieving process.

Answer 2

In the scheme of things, 5 months isn't very long when you're talking about starting dating after the death of a partner...he's not ready...he misses her and you fulfill his desire for companionship and someone to give his affection to, but at this point he's still wishing it were her...romance between the two of you doesn't sound like it has a lot of potential...you'd be fighting a losing battle with the ghost of the woman he'd rather be with...might be best to make this one nothing more than platonic friendship (if you can handle that) and support him in his grief...or just move on if it's too hard to know you can't be #1 with him...

Answer 3

U need to express those feelings to him. Explain to him that u are falling for him and that u will give him all the time he needs. Explain to him that it is uncomfortable for u for him to talk about ihis deceased wife but u have to remember it hasnt even been half of a year that she is has been dead. depending on how long they were together and the love they shared is how long it may take him to half way get over her or at least move on with u or with someone else.

Answer 4

I think you are very sweet to be there for him.I wouldnt take it personal at all. I wouldnt get too physically involved right away. It will save a bigger heartbreak if you heard him call you **** forgetting she has passed on . This is definitly a time of grieving for him , The question you need to ask is should i take less or more time for him. How much can you handle. Good Luck

Answer 5

Tell him you how you feel. It is sad that his wife passed away but you are not her replacement. You are his chance to live again. We all know that the love we had for a person does not go away in its entirety but tell him that you love him but you cant be her. The best way to do it is when he is telling you about her just stop him mid'sentence and flat out tell him that you are not her and that if he needs more time you are willing to give it to him.

Answer 6

I think he needs more time to grieve - you have taken the place of his wife and he is remembering her through you. Please give him a year or more to let time pass and allow him the opportunity to get over her. Keep in mind that he might never get over her. Be patient with him and trust that in time things will work out. Good luck.

Answer 7

The fact that you are getting involved with this man, only 5 months after his wife's death, you cannot expect him to not talk about her. He is still mourning over her, and you cannot rush that. Just be a friend to him, for now. That's what he really needs.

Answer 8

I know it's been very hard for you to be around him. It's been 5 month's since the death - he probably hasn't grieved to the fullest - he may need you to pull himself out of his sadness. You'll need to be honest with him and tell him about your feelings this will be one way he'll see the picture of what's he's doing to you. If he doesn't stop after telling him - he may lose you.

Answer 9

im sorri luv but i really dont think he has had time 2 greave and i know cos i lost my hubby 12yrs ago and it was only a yr and a half ago i was ready for another relationship so in my mind luv he really hasnt had long enough time to greave his wife not yet anyway and im not telling you 2 leave him but i think you got to give him at least the yr and may be more but would like to wish you all the best luv peggy x

Answer 10

If I were you I'll just give 'em some time.Because sounds like he likes him wife alot.so just give 'em some time.you should stay with 'em that's for sure because if you like him and sounds like he likes you to that means that he'll get over his dead wife soon.Don't expect him to forget about her any time soon because he likes her.Just be very nice to 'em.Every time he talks about her try to comfort him and talk about something or someone else.Go out to different FUN places like a zoo or on a Saturday or Friday night to and watch funny movie.That should help.And try to not to do anything that reminds him of her.


Good luck