Why do men watch Porn? Do all men watch Porn? Do you compare your partner to those women?

Question

My fiance whom I'm marrying Saturday has an addiction to porn. He watches it nearly everyday when he gets home from work while I'm still at work. We only have sex like twice a week. When he read my journal and saw how humiliated and degraded I felt by his porn addiction he broke all of his porn. Then I started seeing it on the internet. After that, he started lieing and hiding it from me. I know it's an addiction. I feel like I'm not enough for him. He doesn't want to do those things in the pornos with me. He says he respects me too much. I tried watching them with him, but he still snuck off alone. I told him I felt like I wasn't enough. He says he likes it and there isn't anything wrong with it. I feel it leads to cheating. I don't look like those women. I love sex and want it everyday. He told me to come get the dic* if I wanted it. I can't. When I know he's been watching it that day it makes me feel bad. When I go down on him, he closes his eyes. I want 2 unders

Answer 1

Men watch porn because we're visually oriented, and we're programmed to like to look at naked women (or men, but that's another question). Not all men watch porn, but many -- if not most -- do. I love porn, and no, I don't compare my wife to "those women." I'm well aware that they are actresses, and that they are getting paid to perform. They still happen to be naked, so I still like to watch them.

However, my wife feels the same way about porn that you do, and this is the real problem for you and your fiance. It sounds like he is addicted to it if he's watching it every single day. If you're sexually available to him and he's passing you up to watch porn, there's a big problem. My guess is that he also masturbates while he's looking at it, as do most men who watch porn. He needs to come clean to you about why he would rather watch other people have sex than have sex with you, because that's what's happening.

He also needs to understand how this makes you feel. It sounds like you would be okay with him looking at it occasionally, but not as obsessively as he does now. You don't sound like a prude (I would kill to have sex twice a week!), so it's not that. In fact, this has very little to do with you. He'd be doing this if he were single, and it would make a lot more sense if he were. But since he has a willing partner -- something many of us don't always have -- he doesn't have that excuse.

It doesn't have to lead to cheating, but it's not uncommon for it to lead to more risky behavior, like visiting prostitutes. I think it's because those men need to constantly up the ante, that is, they need bigger and bigger thrills. It doesn't matter that you don't look like those women, because he really isn't comparing them to you. Hard to believe, but that's how our minds work. He may be fantasizing about being with them, though, which is getting in the way of your sex life. He needs to understand that you two can never be truly intimate with each other as long as he's using porn to satisfy himself. Why does he need you?

I don't think you should dump him or back out of the marriage, but posponing the nuptials until you've had some premarital counseling and thoroughly discussed this issue would be a good idea. Alternatively, get him to promise to go to counseling right after you get back from the honeymoon to talk about the issue. It's not going to go away on its own, trust me. And as much of a pain as it would be to postpone the wedding, it's a lot less hassle than divorce.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Sounds like y'all have a REALLY big issue here, to be starting off married life with. Not a good sign. A lot of men watch porn because men tend to be stimulated visually moreso than women, and they like looking at naked females and females having sex. No, not all men watch porn...but plenty do...plenty of women do too. Most guys realize that porn isn't real...what's happening on the screen was scripted, probably took several takes, mistakes are made, the stuff you don't see that happens is not all that sexy...and let's not forget special effects and ways to make people look a LOT better than they actually do in real life. It's all fantasy. Your fiance' needs counseling for his addiction, and the two of you need some couples counseling to help get your marriage off on the right foot.

Answer 4

Men are visual creatures. I can walk into the room naked and I've got my boyfriend's attention instantly. He could do the same and be thinking, "Cool! He's naked!" But it's not until he kisses me or touches me in some way that I'm totally all hot and crazy for him. He does watch porn, never when I'm around and it's never a problem. A lot of men look at it and that's normal. However, what you describe here is definitely an addiction and it's definitely a problem. Before you marry him, please go to a marriage counselor right away. You guys need to deal with this issue. It's not going to go away once you say your vows. A trained therapist can help you get to the root of this and then help you to decide what's the next move for you. Good luck!

Answer 5

My husband doesn't watch it. He says that I am all he needs. I even suggested watching it to improve our sex life, but he said that it would probably ruin it. So it depends on how much he cares for you. You can either deal with it or you can tell him "it's the porn or you, make the choice of what is more important to you." If he really does have a addiction, then he needs help. I think porn is sick and the women should be ashame of theirselves. And I can honestly say that I look better than those trashy wh****!

Answer 6

My husband does not watch or look at porn and if he did i would ask him to stop. Your fiance needs help and counseling for his addiction problem. If he does not get help for this it will only get worse. You should not marry him until he gets the help he needs and starts to change. This could really cause you many problems in your marriage and trust me it is better to get it taken care of now. I do feel he is comparing them to you and that is not right. If he cannot stop you should break it off with him and move on with your life.

Answer 7

Hate to say it, but this sounds like a real problem .... much as I dislike psycho-babble I think he has a REAL problem dealing with a REAL woman ... or at least dealing with you.

I'm tired of all this "addiction" nonsense in the air ... and I have no particular objection to pornography ... but the kicker is that you've watched the stuff with him and then he sneaks off alone to whack the monkey ?? How come ?

Think long and hard before going through with this wedding.

btw, I have no idea why it is that you are asking this question NOW ... presumably you've had time to inquire into all of this, learn something about his previous relationships, etc. Why didn't you ?

Answer 8

Only men with ugly over weight women would fantasize about Porn Ho's

Answer 9

I know this was posted a long time ago but I feel the need to answer.... My boyfriend of almost a year moved in with me about 4mos ago. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him looking at porn on his phone while laying in bed with me!! I did say something to him about it but not sure if the answer was true....He said he doesn't look at porn to "compare" me to those women he said he likes to watch porn to see what "new" things he could try with me. He has even asked me to watch it with him sometime. Now, I will admit that I have watched porn myself honestly I think it was just to help me relieve myself, the visual of watching (don't matter to me what they look like) just turned me on. When I asked him why he had to look at it he said he woke up wanting me really bad (we have sex at least once a day) but since I hadn't been sleeping well he didn't want to wake me. It is true that I haven't been sleeping well but still wonder if it's true that it's why he was watching. I don't know that porn leads to cheating either.... just unsure

Answer 10

Well, to be honest, Im into watching porn too...what is it about it that he likes? It seems he may be embarrassed by it. Myself, I can relate because I love sex with my boyfriend very much but when it comes to the porn, id rather watch it by myself...guess i feel kinda "dirty" for watching it and it would be embarrassing for him to see the kinds of things i like to look at. I think he's probably a faithful man with a little "dirtiness" in him-be thankful he's not going out to stripclubs or picking up escorts.