I am gay, but I disagree with announcing my sexual preference wherever I go. Why is it anyone's business?

Question

Rainbow bumperstickers? LOL! I might as well scream that I am insecure!

Answer 1

I 2nd that!! Our sexuallity is no ones business, but our own!!! I dont put a lable on myself period.

Answer 2

It isn't anyone's business-- however, have you considered how much the average heterosexual announces his preference? What else are PDA (public displays of affection), particularly the ones where you actually see the guy look around first to make sure people are watching his girl friend and he -- and then makes very dramatic romantic overtures, kissing and hugging her? What else is calling someone else a fag, for no particular reason --other than an announcement to the world, "I'm not one?" What else are mud flaps with the silhouette of naked females with big breasts on them?

Many people, perhaps you included, think that we should not introduce our lover to our friends as our lover, because its "pushing it on straights" while at the same time you think nothing of straight friends saying "this is my g/f" -- "or "this is my wife." The reality is that there is no difference and our straight friends know it.

When not Jonathan and I, because we are pretty much never bothered -- but rather a friend of ours who has come to America to go to college (I will leave him nameless), who is 18 and very "pretty" for a boy, particularly for an Arabian boy, and who weighs less than 110 lbs and stands 5'5" with a 27 inch waist, when HE and his 17 year old b/f -- who is about the same size and strength -- when they can walk down the street in the major, northern American city where they live holding hands and not be bothered any more than a straight boy of the same build with his g/f would be -- THEN is the time to put away the rainbow flags, not before.

Far from being a sign of weakness, I think such things are a sign of courage. When we took the friend I mentioned to P-town, almost at the end of the season last year he cried when he saw the flags -- and he said "I'm safe." Yet, he had the courage, in the environment he grew up in, to stand up against child slavery when he was only 16, and tell his parents, TELL HIS PARENTS that he was gay when they asked him, when he was 17. I would not have that courage, but I admire it. He bought a rainbow bracelet at one of the little shoppes,even though he had only been in the US a month, and he was scared; and when I asked him if I could buy him a t-shirt at one of the stalls he got one that said "Too Cute to Be Straight" and he wore in for 2 days before he put it in the dirty clothes - I found out later from his roommate.

The world is bigger than either of us, but if I had to guess, you want to live quietly, without being noticed or bothered. I don't blame you for that. We don't have rainbow bumper stickers because it might offend a voter our other bumper stickers might influence otherwise, so in a way I understand. However, I do not think that being open is a sign of insecurity or cowardice, quite the contrary -- and our friend is simply the particular example that I am using as to why.

Regards,

Reyn
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 3

I am gay as well, and to answer your question, no it is not anybody's business. A while back I used to get angry with people who flaunted their homosexuality by displaying gay themed bumper stickers and going to gay pride parades. I thought those people were confirming a stereo type that I didn't conform to, and that as long as we are in people's faces we will never obtain acceptance.

Over time though, my views have changed. I went to a very liberal college, and I was often exposed to these outright demonstrations of "gayness". One day I realized that that is part of who they are. Just like being discreet about my sexuality is who I am. Their demonstrations are just another form of expression. It is the same as having Republican or Democrat bumper stickers, or celebrating Kwanza, or even going to a Star Trek Convention. :-) It is their way of celebrating and expressing who and what they are, and it is their right to. I feel I express myself in different ways, and so I don't feel the need to be that open. It has nothing to do with insecurities. It has to do with what kind of person you are. When it comes down to it, people need to realize that there are all different types of gay people. There are the shy ones, the outgoing ones, the promiscuous ones, the prudish ones, the stupid ones, the intelligent ones, just as there are many diverse people who are straight. Unless people can accept that fact, those stereotypes are set in stone, but that doesn't mean all us gay people have to fit the mold.

Answer 4

To each his own. I personally don't Identify as gay because I don't get into Anal sex and am also into women therefore I am g0y and I am bisexual but I am not out because I don't believe it is any-one's business but my own. I think some people are so persecuted they come out as a sign of rebellion and that is how they deal with their own acceptance. They are out they are loud and they are proud. And that is fine I just don't see it as something to be proud of it is like being proud that God gave me brown eyes or being proud that God made me 6'2". God made me Bisexual so why would I be proud of that I had nothing to do with it. It just is. I am proud that I have my education, I am proud of my three daughters, I am proud of a 20 year happy marriage to a wonderful wife despite the difficulties of being married to a closeted bisexual. Because those are things I had a hand in.
My Sexual orientation is not anything I chose or had anything to do with the outcome of.

Answer 5

I have a rainbow bumper sticker for the same reason I have a pagan bumper sticker and a smart a$$ sushi fish on my car. My car is a part of me, and I wanted to decorate it in a way that expressed myself. And my bisexuality, my pagan religion, and my snarky smart a$$ nature are all vital parts of me, so I put them on my car. it really has nothing to do with insecurity. It is self expression. What is the point of having your own car if you don't deck it out in a way that you love?

Answer 6

It's not that everyone should announce their sexual preference everywhere. Some people just do that because they are proud of being what they are. And they want the general public to accept them as regular citizens. It also identifies your being you know.

Answer 7

I agree, one shouldn't have to announce to the world their sexual orientation, no more than someone yelling out their political or religious preference. However; if one chooses to show their team spirit; such as a bumper sticker its perfectly fine also.

Answer 8

I agree that it isn't anyone else's business.
But if you wanna get dates but look completly straight, you might never pick any guys up; like a guy may never approach you simply because his gaydar doesn't pick anything up.
That's probably the only problem with keeping your sexual preference to yourself - potential partners may get the wrong idea, you know?

Answer 9

If other people don't know you're gay, you will always be getting friends and family trying to set you up with members of the opposite sex. How are you going to meet someone who you're interested in if no one knows your true sexuality?

Answer 10

It's all about how much pride you have in yourself and who you are. Doesn't mean you have to wear a rainbow flag as a belt or anything. But you should never deny who you are.

Answer 11

It's nobody's business but your own. However I should temper that statement a little bit with the analogy that in business, if you don't spend money in marketing your wares, your wares'll never leave the warehouse.