I have been with my fiance since 6th grade. We are not married yet but will be soon. We are both attending the same college. We both are studying to become ministers. We are also planning on doing quite a bit of missionary work in Africa once we graduate from college. My only preoccupation with starting a family the year after we get married is that after we graduate we will be moving to Africa and around the world for the time it will take for my children to grow up. So, we are definantly having children, that is not the question, but if it is a good idea to start having them while we are in college will be to much. We want 5-6 children when it all said and done. We both grew up in large families and love having all that chaos (good and bad) in the house that goes along with large families. I love my fiance more than I could ever express to any of you and i would love nothing more than to have children together, but if it will be to much is something that only parents can answer.
2006-06-22 06:29:27 · 31 answers · asked by Rachel S 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Pray and get a couples outline(like a bu get or goals plan) to help you think this out. You need to wait until graduated to marry. Give yourself to your studies and know yourself well before marriage. Discuss thoroughly all the questions about how are you both wanting to raise the kids, finances, pay medical bills and how reliable are the clinics/hosp. in Africa where you will be whether it is for you two or before, during pregnancy and after the baby, who's family to visit on which holiday( believe me -it is a biggie), will you raise the babies strict, spank, praise them, or be too busy to live and learn from them and teach them and play with them.If you are asking strangers about this it doesn't seem that you have done your homework on a relationship that you want to last forever!What will happen if one of you die, will the other one be equipped to handle Africa as a single parent of one to six kids? Talk about stress. Please wait and become comfortable with your spouse before adding children, maybe a year or two,especially since you will be away from loved ones and their help.Serving the Lord is a great service, so is parenting, working, college, and marriage -just space them out a little to allow yourself the time and energy to be able to succeed at all that you do! God be with you!
2006-07-04 21:49:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wait until you are done with the traveling. You know how much work kids are? How much responsibility? How guilty you would feel if youa re away from your family? I mean it is their grandkids too and you will keep them away by being so far away. Also the cost. Wait wait wait.... We have two kids and I am an import from the Netherlands. I first did the traveling settled down, bought a house and saved. Now I can stay home with the kids and give tehm the parent they deserve my full attention. I am no longer pre occupied with saving the world, seeing the world, and the wild feather is gone. Also you can get very sick being pregnant then you will be stuck in AFrica, Also You really don't know how many kids you want until you have them. I wanted 4 initially but after seeing how much work it is and how sick one can get we stopped at 2. (and how expensive they are).
Hope this helps. Also you need time as a couple to get settled into your life after school. Trust me when you ar ein college and have kids something will have to give and that will be college.
2006-07-05 12:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by GutsiePerson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T DO IT!!! Every single one of the things you say you want to do - standing alone - are very, very stressful (ie, finishing college, having a litter of babies, and traveling to a foreign county doing missionary work)!! Put them all together, and you have a definite recipe for DISASTER!! In my humble opinion, dragging your babies to a foreign country (especially an underdeveloped country like Africa) would not only be stupid, but would actually be irresponsible, and bordering on child abuse! There are diseases there for which you will not have given them any natural immunities,, and it is very likely that medical facilities are going to be non-existent, or very poor, in the areas where you will be doing your missionary work. So, although your dream package is a noble one, it is very impractical, irresponsible, and a VERY BAD IDEA. Do all of these things, but one at a time And having a stable of babies should be what you do last, after college is finished, the missionary work is through, and your relationship is stable and strong. I am not an expert, so this is just MHO. But no matter what you do, Good Luck.
2006-06-22 06:59:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd wait until your graduated and have experienced africa a bit. You'll just kind of know when the right time is. You need to do some fun memories together before you have children. I loved my children but they suck all your free time and if you really want to serve others in a missionary field there just wouldn't be time for the proper devotion your job will take at first.
2006-07-04 04:32:39 · answer #4 · answered by sweetpea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children change relationships. I know 'cause I have a 1 yr old and my husband and I hardly get any time together.
You seem to have a lot on your plate right now. I'd hold off on the children for now. Atleast until you all get married and get stable jobs. Besides completely taking over your every waking and sleeping time, kids demand alot of monetary support... you have no idea how much kids stuff cost... my son's shoes cost more than my own!!!
I'd advise you to atleast finish college, that way when your kids start coming along, you can devote more time to them without having to worry about slipping grades...
Good luck and I hope you make the best decision for yourself... and remember, playing with someone elses babies is 100% nothing like having a baby 24/7. Ever notice how parents are quick to hand over their babies for a few mins?? It's not cause they don't want them but it's 'cause they have so much to do and would grab any chance to get it done...
2006-07-06 03:08:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anesia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie, everything is fine and good now, but trust me, when you two decide to have a baby. all future plans will be canceled, rearranged, and put on hold and nothing will ever go as expected ever again. if you want to have children, and lots of them, expect to be home bound unless you can afford a nanny and not plan on taking any of your children with you. if you travel with an infant, he/she will get sick so quick it will just ruin your travel plans and more importantly the child may end up with an unknown virus and nobody wants that to happen. when you start your family you will need someone to do missionary work and help you out. I'm sure both sides of your family will be a big help but you two are the parents and a baby is not just something to have and throw on your back and carry across the globe. if you like, finish school, do all your work, take lots of pictures then when you two are finished running around, have your babies and show them pictures of what mom and dad used to do and may take them there one day when they can appreciate it.
2006-06-22 06:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by hippy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love her and you are ready to make that commitment, go for it. But starting a family in college is very stressful, because most of time people are broke, and they need to support the needs of the baby, so they end up dropping out. Because think about it: Is there enuff time in the day to eat three times, go to class, go to work, and raise a child? I think not. So something has to give. My best advise to you is to wait to start a family after you graduate. It will save you lots of STRESS and money in the long run.
2006-07-03 11:46:25 · answer #7 · answered by Alias 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you asked him that question, "Will you ask me to marry you in the next 2 yrs?" he said no. You have have at that point invested 7 years in this guy. Once he said NO you walk. Don't look back. Don't go back to him. Now be single but make darn sure your on birth control pills or patch to prevent unwanted pregnancy until you are ready and that means FINANCIALLY really not just mentally. Plan a baby. You get your schooling finished and have fun being single. Don't fall right into another relationship with a guy. Be single. Have fun. But be safe with your body. You have years and years till you have a child so enjoy your life. You only have one life. Don't waste it. Good luck girl :)
2016-03-27 01:04:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am a mother of one little girl who just turned 2 and she is the best thing that has ever happend to us. But having kids is alot of work and cost alot of money and they need alot of your time. Her father and I have aranged our work schedules so she doesn't have to go to daycare which for us that was a must we didn't want her to be raised by someone else and for her I think it has worked out for the best. So with that being said it would be best to wait until your done in college I have many friends that were very determind to finish school and have kids while in school and never ended up finishing so please get your education first kids are great but with out and education it makes things alot harder then the already are.
2006-07-05 11:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by Jordan S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you finish studying. Don't wait until you finish traveling. In women the fertility begins to drop at arround 35 years old and it becomes increasingly more difficult to concieve. Stress can add to this. I have seen young people more and more having to go for IVF for this very reason. This is also very stressful. Try to draw a happy medium and relex. Your children can travel with you. This type of education is much more beneficial to life than anything they can learn in a class room
2006-07-01 23:21:53 · answer #10 · answered by chat_have 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋