How do I fix the grammar in this sentence?

Question

This sentence is using Inclusive Language—Quoting from Biased Material

Back in the 1400s, the laws governing the people were quite specific: “All men shall tithe 10% to the church and pay taxes every six months. All men can attend school until they are 16 years of age.”

Answer 1

Substitute "people" or "citizens" for "men" if you're trying to re-write this sentence to be inclusive.

Otherwise I don't see any grammatical errors. There are a few style points - I would rewrite the first part to: "[Back - optional] In the 1400s, laws governing all citizens were quite specific:"

Answer 2

Back in the 1400s, the laws governing the people were quite specific: “All men shall tithe 10% to the church and pay taxes every six months. All men can attend school until they are 16 years of age.”

Answer 3

I think the basic grammar is fine, but if you want to do the "inclusive" thing and change "men" to "members" or "individuals" and in the second case "men" to "students" that would work. If you wanted to make it more correct punctuation-wise, I believe it is commonly accepted to capitalize "church" because usually the only church mentioned at the time was the Catholic Church or Anglican Church. If you know which country this quote is referring to, that would probably help. From a Mormon point of view, I actually use "Church" with a capital C when referring to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but that did not formally exist in the 1400s. Another point you might change is to write out "ten percent" instead of "10%," but that is debatable - usually you write out numbers if they are smaller than 100, but as tithing is recognized as "10%" by virtue of its definition, I wouldn't split hairs over that one.

Answer 4

No problem at all. In your examples of grammatical problems to be fixed, you have confused grammatical error with what might be termed social insensitivity. But even in light of this latter concern, your last three examples of "problem statements" are not wrong: a girl has a certain medical condition, certain people were invited on a tour, men were required to or permitted to do certain things.

Answer 5

There's nothing worng with the grammar.
And I'd wager that you know that.

Is this some kind of jab at some group of people?

Are you trying to make a point of some kind?
What someone hurt your feelings, bud?
It might be time to get on with your life...