did i do the right thing?

Question

i called the cops on an ex who was beating on my windows, ringing my doorbell non-stop, screaming my name, and blowing up my phone for a total of 2 hours at 3 in the morning!

i told him to please leave and i didnt wanna talk to him, but he didn't stop. i know he's slightly obsessive, but my gut feelings told me something wasn't right, so i called the cops on him and they escorted him away ( i didn't press charges, i just wanted him to take a HINT to give me my space!)

now i'm worried that he's gonna get worse or more creepy on me for having done that... did i just put myself at more jeopardy?

also, something inside of me feels really guilty and bad for having done what i did. i just need reassurance i did the right thing.

*edit* wow, thank you for all of your responses so quickly... i must also add that i feel REALLY guilty and bad right now because his younger brother is going through a terrible time... he has a brain tumor, and i just feel like what i did "hurt" him, but i couldn't take him disturbing my peace like that.

Answer 1

You did the right thing definately always listen to that feeling you had. Call the police department and ask what it takes to get a restraining order and stalker laws in your area. Look into house alarms and always keep your eyes open! Have a friend stay over if you have more trouble, buddy system when you leave to work call a family member or friend keep someone aware of you movements at all times so if something happens someone will come check on you or call the police, vary your routes home from work change them up so you aren't as predictable, and always have a cellphone on and erady to call someone if you have trouble. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure don't let that scare you. Having a dog may help too. Be careful and don't second guess yourself if he gets worse it is not your fault nothing you did or will do caused this. He's most likely sick protect yourself. Consider a self defense course too scary but may come in handy with him or if you take a trip to NY, NY be safe!

Answer 2

I think you did the right thing calling the police, however, you may wish as time goes along that you HAD pressed charges. I have several friends who have had similar situations in their life and they did not press charges and in the cases where the problems escalated later and because they had not pressed charges the police could not help them very much. Pressing charges makes the whole incident be put on the police books as to what happened and when. You might think about taking a restraining order out on him. He could be a danger to you if he is making that kind of trouble for you at 3 in the am. I would NOT feel guilty for doing what you did one iota! Not for a second. He is not being rational doing what he did and obviously needs some professional help. Next time, press the charges and tell them you want him to get all the help they can give him. It will be best for you both.

Answer 3

Always follow your gut instincts! They'll never lead you wrong and this case just proves my point. HE isn't right mentally. I understand why you didn't want to press charges, but that is exactly what you should have done. If he's going off on you again, you need to call the police again. And this time, press charges. If you keep calling them and not pressing charges, they could easily stop taking you seriously and not come out the next time. Also HE might not take you seriously either. Some people just DON'T take "hints" no matter how strong they are.
You don't need this guy in your life, he will only get worse over time, NOT Better!
Please, do everything you can to ditch this guy, AND ditch those guilt feelings. You aren't at fault here, HE is the one who is making his own miseries, NOT YOU! You have done the right thing! Don't back down, or you'll never get rid of him.

Answer 4

Well you did the right thing. But not pressing charges to get a restraining order might have been not a good thing. I would say go to the cops, tell them what is up, and maybe they can pay close attention to him... if anything gets worse they will do something. But, if you don't go to the cops then please please please call them as soon as something happens again. Be safe because this does not feel write. Remember that you did the right thing and do not feel guilty -- that will only make the situation worse. Something is not right with this guy no matter how you look at it.

Answer 5

Honey - for you to try to reason with him while he was freaking out for 2 hours is patience and kindness above and beyond the call of duty! And then to not press charges even - you have been nice almost to a fault.

I can understand being nervous now, since he is still on the loose. I would talk to the police (the ones who met him, preferably) and tell them of your fears and see what they say. Is it too late to press charges? Do they think he is likely to come back? Cops have lots of experience with these types of things and they can probably gauge better than you what he might do next.

Other than that, if I was you, I would:
- keep my cell phone handy with the police on speed dial
- try not to be out of the house alone, stay in public places if you are out alone
- keep my windows and doors locked (at home and in the car)

I would also try to utilize my personal power to neutralize the situation - what else can you really do? To do this, I would spend quiet time meditating and visualizing this person relaxed and happy. Imagine good things in his life - maybe see him with a new woman in your mind. The more vivid the visualization the better off you are. If he can be happy and at peace, then you are certainly safe. Once you have done that for a couple minutes, do the same for yourself - happy and peaceful. See your self laughing, smiling, happy and safe. Try it at least once a day for 3 or more days and I am sure you will feel better.

Peace!

Answer 6

You did the right thing by calling the cops. I say if he comes back again, call the cops again but this time press charges and get a restraining order. sometimes guys and girls too just dont get the hint when you dont want to be bothered with them anymore. Good luck and be safe!

Answer 7

No, you didn't do the right thing, you should have done more. You should also get a restraining order! He's showing you a tendency to violence and obsession. These are things that often lead to VERY bad things. Don't hessitate to call the police, and if he ever does anything like this again, call the police and talk to them about a restraining order.

And don't try to make nice with your ex to try and placate him. Make it clear that things are over and you both need to move on. DO NOT see him socially; it will just lead hime on and you'll never get rid of him.

Good luck.

Answer 8

You did the right thing. If he gets more creepy and you feel more in jeopardy then your next step is a restraining order. I know a piece of paper doesn't seem very reassuring but he will get in bigger trouble for breaking it and harassing you further. You have every right to do what it takes to protect yourself. Don't feel guilty about it. HE should feel guilty for doing what he did to you especially when you kept telling him to leave. He had plenty of opportunity to heed your warning before you had to get the police involved. His bad, not yours!

Answer 9

u have a doubt?? u obviously did the right thing!!

if the guy can't realise and understand what u want of him (and what u don't).. and he, like a crazy ***, is mentally disturbed enough to scream and ring the doorbell and the phone like crazy.... trust me, u did the right thing... well done.

don't feel guilty. all good actions feel bad initially. Also, if he does it again, call the cops again. He'll do it a couple of times, but he'll be set right soon. Don't worry...

Answer 10

You did the right thing in having him taken away. This guy obviously has a few screws loose. To protect yourself further, get a restraining order. Follow through with this because it's likely this guy won't stop bothering you and I bet there'd be many people who would be heartbroken if something happened to you. Do yourself a favor and protect yourself now before you aren't around anymore to tell anyone what happened. Good luck!