We have been friends for 14 years. We have nerver fought and always got along great. Recently she got a boyfriend and everything changed. She does'nt call anymore or sms me. Doesn't stay in contact at all. The only time she calls is when she wants something. I'v been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I've always made time for her. When we started college all she spoke about was her new boyfriend. She recently got arrested because of this boy (drug possession) I was there for her even though she treated me like crap. Now she is back to her all wicked ways. What's going on???
2006-06-22 04:37:56 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
People change--don't go through it with her, it will bring you down. Let the friendship go, as hard as it may seem to be.
2006-06-22 04:40:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! I think your friend is being selfish because she's not as mature as you are. You don't give your age, but I'm guessing you're in your late teens. A lot of people your age are like your friends, and unfortunately, some people don't change. I've got a similar situation with a friend who's 38!
You say that she's got a boyfriend who's been arrested for drug possession - I wouldn't be surprised if you've told your friend that you don't approve of him. If many people are telling her not to go out with him, she's probably thinking "no, you're wrong, he's great" etc. She's treating you like crap because she thinks you're against her. From what you've said, it's not the case, but as she's so wrapped up in her situation, she doesn't realise this.
The only thing you can do is talk to her frankly and say that you don't feel that your friendship is being reciprocated. Ask her if she wants to remain friends with you or not. If she really doesn't want to lose you, she'll make an effort. If she responds negatively, it'll be sad for you (as you've known each other for so long), but ultimately you'll know if she was a real friend or not. Real friends are people who despite their situations or problems, remember that a friendship is something that needs attention.
I wish you the best of luck with this. You sound like a nice person who deserves to have good friends. I hope this has helped you a bit.
2006-06-22 05:21:25 · answer #2 · answered by Emma H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi! my best friend is excatly the same, she goes out with blokes and drops all her mates then when they break up for a short while she needs people to hang with so she gets back in touch then it happens all over again. I have a bloke ive been with him 3 years i still made time for her but she didn't bother we had serveral rows about this over the years with me saying how she should still spend time with her mates when she's gotta bloke but she didn't listen, in the end two weeks ago we had a row and i told her i didnt want to hear from her.
My friend hasn't even been in touch since then so i know she didn't really want our friendship. try talking again to your mate and explain how you feel and either be there for her when things go wrong or make new friends. Some guys just act like this when they get with a guy and i think deep down there insecure thats why the need to spend all there time with the guy either because they need to feel loved or think the partner will be unfaithful either way there realtionships aren't going to work until they sort themselves out, no matter how much you tell them there guys are losers they wont listen. Just tell her how you feel and if she still doesnt bother make some new friends. good luck
2006-06-22 04:59:22 · answer #3 · answered by I~Love~Baileys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
True friendship always lasts. there are some friends I see loads of. Others very little. Some friends come and go and when we meet up it is as though we only saw each other yesterday. So, leave things for the time being. She may be out of your life now or you may have moved on.
One word of warning. She might be developing a drug habit. In which case she will be undependable, moody and always after something.
Stay clean yourself
2006-06-22 05:09:09 · answer #4 · answered by Ade Babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am afraid it sounds like your friend may have some serious problems if she is involved with a guy doing drugs. No one can help her but herself if she is involved with drugs. Don't blame yourself or let her make you her door mat. If she is abusive to you, let her know you don't appreciate it. Speak to her family. Tell them of your concerns about your friendship. They may not be aware of what is going on. If it is drugs they are the only ones that can really help. I guess the best thing I can add is tough love can work for friendships too. Tell her that you can't support her behavior and be strong about it. Its never easy, that is why it is called tough love. I will say a prayer for both of you.
2006-06-22 04:55:36 · answer #5 · answered by JAN 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but you don't need a friend like that..if she is willing to throw away 14yrs for some guy that obviously isn't good for her then let her go..stop bailing her out and doing things for her then maybe one day she will realize what a good friend she had and how much she misses the way things were. You have a life of your own take care of you I know you miss her but you don't want to be just the friend that's there when only she needs something you want a friend that you can talk to, have lunch with, go out dancing with, shopping..etc..Good Luck
2006-06-22 04:43:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Live and let live. Slow things down, try to find something to occupy your time and try to think as little as possible on the situation. Soon enough the novelty of a new relationship wears off and you will see if your friendship of 14 years was as strong as you thought, then you carry on or move on.
Maybe you didn't give her as much time as you thought you did when your relationship with your boyfriend started, remember that people perceive our actions differently than we intend or think they should.
2006-06-22 04:56:20 · answer #7 · answered by Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guyz make you blind sometimes and right now she can't see what your doing for her but when this boyfriend leaves she will finally see again and see what a good friend you've been. Just watch out for her because he is nothin but trouble! Believe he I had a boyfriend the same way. No matter what you say she will still be blind just try to hang in there.
2006-06-22 04:42:47 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not everyone is good at dividing their time. if her bf is possessive she will be trying to please him all the time. he's probably controlling her and she's letting him. she will come out of this and well done you for being there for her. try not to blame her and she'll come back when all this is over because she knows you won't be judging her. you need to let go of this friendship for now and take a step back. you've got your own life and don't need the drama. you're a good friend so give yourself a bit of credit and try not to worry about her, she'll make her mistakes and learn.
2006-06-22 04:55:39 · answer #9 · answered by minerva 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should put this one down to experience and move on...
She doesn't respect you as a friend even though you have gone out of your way to be hers..
Nope, looks like she is up herself and needs a dose of reality... Next time she calls, hang up!!!
2006-06-22 04:50:17 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she's just using u,the friendship u shared , for her is no longer there , let her go and make new friends , and she's involved in drugs and stuff now , hell u don't need that in your life,and u say u r in coledge, she's old enough to know better , i know it's hard to lose a friend , but that's not a friend anymore
2006-06-22 04:43:46 · answer #11 · answered by cc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋